NOTATIONS FROM A RATHER MUNDANE LIFE...
...till I find something to write about, this'll hafta do...

HE STILL MIGHT NOT BE DEAD: Once again, I flipped on MSNBC, and instantly heard an Annoying Voice From The Past. I immediately reached for the remote so I could hit the Mute Button, but the voice belonged to Billy Mays, and out of respect for the dead, I didn't mute him. Although I did turn down the volume. A Billy Mays commercial is always 75% louder than the volume of the TV program that you were watching. Writing about this makes me think of an old novelty tune I heard years ago...'Slick Sam the Salesman, Lives a life that's Free...he could sell salt water in the middle of the sea...Slick Sam the Salesman's always on the go; he could sell hot coffee to the Devil Down Below."

HEAVY-METAL BEATLES: I've just lately become aware of a Canadian band called "Beatallica". They play heavy metal versions of Beatles songs; a sort-of cross between the Beatles and Metallica. Beatallica ain't pretty, that's for sure. They don't engage in sweet harmonies, nor does the lead singer go for the high notes. They pound, scream and otherwise gesticulate wildly as they satirize the Fab Four. My initial impression is that Beatallica's versions of Beatles tunes are rather mean-spirited; it's one thing to poke fun (The Rutles, for example), but it's as if Beatallica is trying to tear down the Beatles' reputations/and or legacy. Careful, guys...if it wasn't for The Beatles, we might not have self-contained rock bands who wrote their own material. And, Beatallica...if it wasn't for the Beatles, you guys would be just another 3rd-rate loudmouth band wallowing around in the musical mud. If you want to hear what I'm talking about, go to Youtube (http://www.youtube.com/) and enter "Beatallica" into the search bar. (Not recommended for those who suffer from high blood pressure.)

SOME LIKE IT HOT: Not me, but some do! I saw a weathermap in today's paper, and just about the entire western portion of Our Great Nation seems to be able to fry eggs on the sidewalk; I've heard that in Phoenix, Arizona, that Glass Panes began Melting due to the heat. Something to do with 114-degree temperatures. Ack, ack, aaaaaack. I have a slow metabolism and sweat very very slowly, and ultra-hot temperatures make me almost wanna pass out. Well, here in Southern Oregon, the paper said that My Neck of the woods (Oregon Coast) was "sizzling" at 64 degrees the other day. I think it's supposed to get up to 70 or 75 by the weekend. In spite of those cool temps, the Humidity is Just Tremendous down here. I can barely make a move without breaking into a sweat. The antidote? Well, I usually wear a hat and light sweater-coat, but not when the humidity's like this. I'm not ready to Go Everywhere Naked, and I'm sure all citizens of Oregon will Thank Me For That.

SPAMMERS OUGHTA BE SHACKLED: Recently, I bought the 'enhanced' version of RealPlayer, so that when I put CD's together, I can get the volume equalized for all songs on the disc, plus I can also put 3 or 5-second crossfades in, to give the CD a different flavor. This version of the RealPlayer cost $14.99, and is a ONE-TIME CHARGE. Now...if you have online banking, don't only look at your balances, but look at your Charge-Card Authorizations, which do not show up in the Balance Section. That's how I found two charges from '*rnRealplayer' for $14.99 EACH. I didn't authorize those! I bank with US Bank, and called them and reported the spam. They not only removed the two fake charges, they also sent me a new Debit Card. Over the last 5 years, I've had to do this 3 or 4 times. I'm sure a lot can be said for small hometown banks, but I'll say Right Here and Now, that US Bank is a pro outfit all the way. It's nice to get service like that. And I've heard US Bank is run rather conservatively; you didn't see them go under during the Recent Financial Crisis our country had recently.

THIS IS FOR THE BIRDS: I am the bird-dad of two little Female Cockatiels, as you found out a few posts ago. One female is energetic and neurotic; the other is quite standoffish. And when I open the cage door in the morning, they're out as fast as possible, climbing all over the cage, chirping and whistling. I put a bird on each shoulder, and then go out to make coffee. Once I get back in the La-Z-Boy, I take a few crackers out of the box at Chairside, break them into bits, so the birds can crunch and munch. After they've done that for a while, they begin cleaning their feathers. Right about then, the Neurotic Female begins chirping insanely; 3 or 4 chirps every five seconds which drives me nuts. So, that's when I break out the squirt-bottle and give both a few good shots of water spray...a soggy Cockatiel is a funny sight, believe me. It needs to be done, though; Cockatiels emit a natural 'feather dust' so they need to be bathed regularly. Then I sit back down, pick up the space heater, and dry off my birds. They seem to really enjoy the warm air, and seem a bit calmer afterwards.

The little, nervous quiet female is becoming a little bit calmer; she'll even let me (occasionally) scratch her head when she's on my shoulder now. It must be said right here that, even tho she's quiet and timid, when she Wants Something, she'll emit a few loud chirps that immediately make me Stand At Attention. Lately, we've added something else to our routine...I'll try to do my best version of a Bird Whistle, and we all end up whistling at each other, like flocks of birds do. So I'm a part-time bird who is a member of a flock. And with a bird on each shoulder, I'll feed them little bits of cracker out of my mouth; 'Left' for one bird, 'Right' for the other. They're ready for bed Bright n'early at 6pm, but that's okay, 'cos it's nice to have some quiet time around here, too. My birds are out of the cage for 2 to 3 hours a day, and even more when the weather's lousy and I can't do a whole lot outside.

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As you can see from the picture above, my birds think they Own the place, and who knows; they just might. These birds are just as much, if not more, entertaining than a lot of parrots I've seen, but cockatiels don't cost near as much. They're good birds; it's up to me to become a better bird owner. I'm trying...

THE WORLD'S FIRST-EVER VELCRO BLOGPOST!!!
...more fun than throwing pencils at the ceiling tile...
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*Does He Really Need Any More Money? Well, I guess he does. Evidently Paul McCartney, almost the richest man on Earth (he just might be the richest man on Earth) is playin' the hits yet again. The last time I saw him was on TV, when he did the 2005 Super Bowl Halftime show. I saw it for Free! Well, now, Paul's making money in a new way...to see him play the same old songs he's played for the last few decades, you can now see him on Pay-Per-View! I'm a stickler for the original recorded versions of most material. Most of the time, hearing someone's "Live" album just kinda disappoints me. As far as other Beatle-Related stuff, I hear that remastered Mono Mixes of All The Beatles' albums are coming out soon. And ya know, I'm Getting Off The Bus when it comes to these re-mastered things; they're not a whole lot different than the Beatles' music I've listened to for the last 40 years...I imagine you could pick up the differences if you hooked up an oscilloscope to your stereo system; remixes will always be similar to the original versions, because they ARE the original versions, just engineered a bit differently.
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A few years' back, I bought the Beatles' "Yellow Submarine Songtrack" which featured re-mastered songs, and I thot the remastered "All You Need Is Love" actually sounded worse than the original Mono single version...after the trumpets start the song, the group saunters thru several bars before John Lennon (bless him) begins his vocal, and in that in-between portion of the re-mastering, the song actually sounds WEAKER than the original. In music as well as everything else, the old saying, "If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It" applies. I will buy any new Beatles/Solo Beatles music that comes out (rumor has it an unfinished John Lennon song might be released this fall), but I've already bought the LP's, CD's And Cassettes of all the Beatles' albums; it's gotta stop somewhere, right? I didn't buy Capitol records' releases of the U.S. Beatles albums (the first time the U.S. albums had ever been issued on CD), and I'm not gonna be missing much if I don't buy the re-masters this time around, either.
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*Well, it's not the Worst Fast-Food on the planet: You get a crispy tortilla shell (which has almost no calories), then you stuff a little bit of ground up mystery-meat into the shell, and follow that up with Cheese and Lettuce, and voila, you have a Taco. As far as I'm concerned, 'Mexican' is just about the best Fast Food you can get, 'cos since most of the ingredients are Really Fresh, which serve to counteract whatever grease & calories lay in wait (weight?) with the ground beef. And if you like a dressed-up taco, you can go for the 'double-decker Taco El Grande'...a soft tortilla shell on the outside, glued to the inner crispy tortilla shell with refried beans, plus yer standard meat, cheese and lettuce topped off with a coupla blasts of sour cream...MMMMMMMMM. Ooh yeah. I can get into it. But, I have no solution to the following mystery: I can't figure out why my eyes all of a sudden get bigger than my gut when I pull up to the drive-thru menu.
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*I continue to marvel at Oregon Coast Weather: When I woke up today, the Sun Did Shine Forth. By mid-afternoon, the fog had set in. So I couldn't go to my favorite ocean-side hang-out. Instead, I headed 3 miles inland, to the downtown area which is on the Other side of the bay, and there were Blue Skies everywhere. There's a correlation of sorts going on here: When it is Really Hot Inland, it's Really Foggy on the Coast. Something to do with cool air colliding with hot air and there's yer fog. I used to live in Idaho, where people would say, "you don't like the weather? Give it ten minutes, it'll change". Well down here on the Oregon Coast, all the time you need is about maybe a minute and a half. Honestly, when I've driven home from the downtown area of Coos Bay/North Bend, I've seen 7 or 8 different kinds of weather in one trip...rain, sleet, freezing rain, drizzle, hail, high winds, partly-cloudy skies, clear skies, you name it, the weather can turn on a Dime here. You'd think all that precip would keep my car clean. Well, my car's white, and after a lot of rain, I get green streaky Moss deposits all over the chassis...so off to the Car Wash I have to go every now and then. And I know what you're thinking right now; something along the lines of "he mustn't have much to say if he's posting about the Weather". And you may be right...
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A New Day, A New Way?: That's the slogan the Seattle Mariners are using this year to tout the team. And, there's different management, different coaches, different players, and the team, at this writing, has won more than they've lost, although they can't afford to have many games turn out like tonight's fracas (M's are behind Cleveland 4-0 in the 7th as I type this). One reason my number of postings has leveled off here, is because I've been posting comments on the Mariners' Blog site (it's part of the Seattle Times website); other fans and I respond to what blogmeister Geoff Baker has posted, and all us baseball ignorami comment on how the M's are doing. The consensus at one point in the season was that "if the Mariners had One More Bat", they could compete for the division title...I'm thinking, though, the M's probably have sufficient hitting; what they need is for One More Pitcher who can shut 'em down. And that ain't happening tonite.

But I'll tell ya, three M's pitchers (Felix, Washburn and Bedard) have all been lookin' pretty good this year. So we've won more games than last year (so far). And yeah, maybe the M's could be doing better in the hitting department. But then again, batters aren't responsible for the other team's Home Runs. It is more fun to watch the M's this year, though. And if it ain't fun, it ain't worth doing. Like Last Year's Mariners squad, who finished 40 GAMES out of first place, proved...update: in the top of the 9th, Cleveland, so far has added 4 more runs, 2 of those on two homers In A Row. Then they added another one. M's behind 2-0. And Cleveland is still At Bat! Ack!
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IF I SEE ONE OF THESE ON THE BEACH, I THINK I'LL MOVE: There's all kinds of wildlife to be seen down here. Loons, Seagulls, Cormorants, Sea Lions, Pelicans, even the occasional Whale passing by. It's fun and always interesting to watch the goings-on in the local ecosphere, how everything interacts with everything else. So with all this sea life, we also have Crows down here, too. I cringe whenever I hear one of them "Cawwing" away. Ack. But...I haven't yet seen one of "these" on the beach, though...Sunbathers, git ready to move fast if you're approached by a creature looking like this:
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(The much-feared Grey-Feathered Landshark...Beware!)
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There ya go, a bit of silliness to entertain ya; it's your reward for getting through this especially mundane, cobbled-together posting. I had no Really Great posting ideas, so you can call this a "Velcro" posting...in which I toss stuff at the wall and see if any of it sticks...

AS DIFFERENT AS NIGHT AND DAY...

...These two little girls Drive Me Nuts sometimes...

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I've had a pair of Cockatiels for going on two months now. They'd evidently been together for quite a while before I bought them. And, they're still together. And they both confuse me. And yes, they are both Female. They both fight over me. They don't want me to leave the bird room ever; they scream when I go out the door. But at 6pm every night, they want me to scram so they can go to sleep. Ah, the thankless life of a Bird person.

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This is "Shadow", a little grey girl whose sole purpose in life seems to be picking at the zipper lining on my sweater. As you can see by her upside-down head, she really gets into it. Then she'll nudge my cheek as if she wants a head scratch, so I extend my finger and she'll bite at it. I've come to find out the only time she wants scratches is when she's on top of her cage or on top of my easy chair, in other words, above me, so she can escape if I scratch her too hard, which I'm always afraid of doing. I'm so big; she's so small. She is finnicky, finnicky, finnicky. But she is also very paradoxical. I'll be eating a piece of cheese or whatever, and she'll position her beak between my lips, trying to steal the food out of my mouth. Oh, but if I try to touch her, she'll look for refuge on top of the Lazy Boy (shown in picture here). 'Shadow' is a standard grey cockatiel; males of this variety have yellow head feathers, otherwise, their bodies look virtually the same.

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It's taken about a month for me learn all of the quirks of her behavior, but now, I'm on to her. I think. Or, at least, I'd 'like' to think. If the old childrens' story, "The Princess and The Pea" was ever re-written with a Cockatiel as the main character instead of the princess...little Shadow would definitely qualify. Maybe I should ask the Pet Store if they have little gold crowns for birds. Little Shadow has a good side, too...she can sit in her cage, or on top of it, calmly keeping herself busy. If she wants attention from me, she'll emit two little ladylike soft chirps, and then I'll put her on the chair with me, so she can then reject me anytime she chooses, should I make an overture to her. Actually, though, that works out just fine; because, after all, I have This Other Bird I have to deal with...

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Up next, here is "Sunshine". The clerk at the pet store thot this was a Male, and so did I. How do I know it's not a male? It actually laid an EGG on me. She's the loud one, and a more fitting name for her would be Jezebel. In the morning when I go into the bird room, there she is at the bottom of the bird cage, wildly pacing back and forth, all the while screaming at me, "Let Me Out!!!" (No, she doesn't actually that, but I'm sure that's what she means.) I think I need to put some Ritalin into her bird food...she is one of the most Manic Cockatiels I have ever seen. And she acted sooo nice at the Pet Store...I guess she cased me out and knew I was an easy mark. Yeah, that's gotta be it...she flew to my shoulder in the Pet Store, before I'd even bought her. She conned me, didn't she? I'm on to her, too. I think...

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'Sunshine's' way of accepting scratches from me is, after a couple minutes of running up and down my leg, I extend my hand forth, and she leans her head into the palm of my hand, extending her neck for all it is worth, and actually pushing against my hand while I scratch her chin, or neck, or the top of her head. It's as if she's saying, "I need this!!! Do It Now!!!" She's the one who will fly to me from her cage when I open the cage door. Once, she flew out of the bird room, thru my living room, rounded the corner, and landed on my shoulder in the kitchen while I was fumbling around trying to get the coffee pot going. Mmmgmmph, snort, yawn...(that's me in the morning). Sunshine is one High-Maintenance Lady who Demands Attention. If little Shadow (the first bird on this post) is the bird version of Marlene Dietrich or Greta Garbo (I vant to be alone), then Sunshine, my wild brawler of a Cockatiel Girl, would be more like Mae West or Cher (or, maybe Charro, gucci-gucci). Those ladies were known for getting their way. And Sunshine...well, if it's possible to be hen-pecked by a bird, I guess I am. How about that. I'm bird-whipped.

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So, when I found out that Sunshine, the yellow-headed bird here, was a Female, I was totally confused. But it's got a yellow head. How can it be Female? Researching this over the internet, I found out that Sunshine is actually what is known as a "Pied" Cockatiel; their coloration consists of all sorts of disorganized color splotches. She has yellow head feathers, yes, but she has splotches of gray within those yellow feathers. It's virtually impossible to tell if a "Pied" is male or female. Unless it lays an egg on you. One more detail: When I take them both out of their cages (one bird per shoulder), the minute I sit in the La-Z-Boy, little "Shadow" stays on my shoulder while "Sunshine" proceeds to roost somewhere between my knee and ankle. It's as if they've divided me up. Maybe they're working together, scheming, trying to make me lose my sanity? The Talking Heads, an 80's band, in their song, "Animals", sing about all sorts of critters who conspire against us and laugh at us. That might just be the case in my situation...

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Now, I don't know if this makes me a bad bird owner, but after a couple of hours, I have to leave the bird room. "Sunshine" will sometimes ceaselessly chirp at the rate of 20 times a minute for a good half-hour if I've forgotten to do something...it's like Japanese Water Torture, only with a Cockatiel chirping away instead. Meanwhile, little "Shadow" will be playing her mind games with me, and, well, rather than tying them up, gagging them, and leaving them on the cage floor, I g-e-n-t-l-y put 'em in back in the cage and then I skedaddle outta there, so I can put what's left of my mind back together after all that bird noise. That's the trick to having birds, maybe. Knowing when to get away from them so they don't drive you crazy. Or crazier.

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The birds are asleep right now. At least their early bedtime leaves me more time to rat-a-tat-tat away on my computer. That means I have more time to BLOG. As for the rest of my blog, I don't know, but this particular post is Definitely For The Birds...

IN MEMORY OF MR. WALTER CRONKITE...

...a true Legend of Broadcasting passed away today...

During the Seattle Mariners' game this afternoon, one of the announcers made mention of Mr. Cronkite's passing. I have not read any articles nor seen any broadcasts concerning him yet, so this post is as 'pure' as I could generate...

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Those who write obituaries and epitaphs professionally will undoubtedly do a better job than me of summing up the life story of Walter Cronkite, who left us today at the age of 93. The man absolutely commanded respect. He was a Class Act all the way, and all that aspiring newspeople can ever hope to do is be one-one-hundredth as good as he was. Almost every night, from the early '60s, up through the 1980's (when he was hustled out of his job for a much inferior replacement, Dan Rather), Walter was the guy who told me what was going on in the world.

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Even in the insulated environment of college, I couldn't wait for afternoon classes to end so I could go into our hall's TV lounge, where "Uncle Walter" informed me of the latest developments on the Seven Seas and Nine Continents. Through the years, he told me of the Fall of Saigon...Watergate...The First Man On The Moon...the assassinations of JFK, RFK, and Martin Luther King, and so much more. Indeed, I feel like I've lost a dear and very-much-treasured relative. It is entirely possible that he had more influence than any single person on this planet because of not only witnessing history in his long tenure in the broadcast industry, but because We All felt he was truthful, believable, and in times of crisis, both authoritative and reassuring. He meant so much to me individually, and he meant so much to almost everyone. This is a great loss. Walter, you did good. Very good. Great, in fact.

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Walter Cronkite broadcast news waay before there was any 24-hour, information-gushing type of news coverage. Every night, for half an hour, he would tell it like it is, summing up the State of The World in 30 minutes...(well, 22 minutes after commercials). I suppose Walter's presence was good for American family life, since perhaps the only time they were all together in the same place was at dinner, and afterwards, in front of the TV as Walter Cronkite told us all everything we needed to know. I remember our family cocooning itself in the family room, where we'd gather 'round and watch Mr. Cronkite. Although I rip away on occasion regarding my family, we had our good times, too. We always watched Walter Cronkite. To us, there was just No One Else we wanted to watch when it came to the news.

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After his retirement, I heard he had some sort of 'arrangement' with CBS to do the occasional documentary on something or other, but in my opinion, CBS totally missed the boat by under-utilizing Cronkite's unique way to tell a tale, especially since he probably could've kept doing the CBS News for another ten or 15 years, and I'll bet he would've gladly done so. Perhaps Dan Rather wasn't that bad of a News Anchor, but he became mealy-mouthed and his camera presence was uptight...I'm not kidding when I say that since Dan Rather took over in the 1980's, I watched maybe a week's worth of the CBS News during his multi-year tenure; no one came close to Cronkite. I switched over to the NBC network, and got to like the way Tom Brokaw gave us the news; he was not unlike Cronkite in terms of camera presence and news delivery. Brian Williams, who's since succeeded Brokaw, isn't bad, although he talks so slow it sounds like someone's pulling the words out of his mouth with a pair of rusty pliers. I also grew to like Peter Jennings of ABC; the way he handled the 9/11 coverage in 2001 Amazed Me. He did it with Class.

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I think that all Broadcasting People, especially those in the higher echelons of the industry, need to seriously re-evaluate themselves in the context of how Walter Cronkite presented the news during his long career. I suppose now, we'll get wall-to-wall-to-wall-to-wall coverage of Walter Cronkite's death; I'm not sure he would've wanted it that way, but that's what we're gonna get (Indeed, MSNBC is doing that as I write this). Right now, the Geekiest-Newsperson-Ever (David Schuster, he of the eternal deer-caught-in-the-headlights vacant presence) is trying to be one-twenty-fifth as good as Cronkite on his worst day. Good luck with that, David...

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...and that's the way it is, Friday, July 17th, 2009...

THE DUMBING-DOWN OF AMERICAN SOCIETY CONTINUES...

...and, it's more pathetically blatant than ever...

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Example #1: Coors Beer Commercials: Maybe everything else in the Beer Industry has been tried, in terms of getting consumers to choose one brand over another. Yep, that's gotta be it; ad execs high and low are a-fishin' around for all sorts of new-fangled ideas; this time, it's "beer insurance". You are Now Protected from a sudden onslaught of Warm Beer. In short, Coors Beer Cans feature a depiction of Mountains, and, get this, some special ingredient in the emblem makes the mountains turn BLUE when your beer is Cold Enough To Drink. Huh? What? Uhhh, I've always used the old-fashioned way to determine if a beer is cold enough...first, I Touch The Can...and if the can feels cold enough, I then proceed to drink it. Usually when a can feels cold, the beer inside is cold as well. That time-tested system works for me, although I now use it largely on bottles of Pepsi. In short, don't use your brain or tactile senses...the folks at Coors want you to wait until the EMBLEM on the label turns blue, 'cos your senses of touch and taste might be DECEIVING you. Gosh, some pseudo-genius on Madison Avenue got paid thousands of big bucks for that lame idea...and if you buy a stupid can of beer 'cos the stupid label on the dumb can turns blue when it's cold, YOU are lame TOO.

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Example #2: Mercedes-Benz Commercials: Usually the car ads sail by without me noticing them much anymore, and this one almost did, too...until my ears perked up in best "Huh? What?" fashion...well, the hell with advertising MPG and Warranties and Special Purchase Incentives...Mercedes-Benz is now touting its latest feature: The light-up dashboard will Warn You when you are exhibiting behavior similar to what a Tired Driver might exhibit. In short, the Car lets you know when you're too fatigued to navigate the car any further. Huh? What? I use the old fashioned way...I'll sense that I can't hold my eyelids open...or, perhaps a few telltale yawns yank my jawbones apart...and, if those two things happen, I Know I Am Tired. I DON'T NEED THE DASHBOARD LIGHTS OF AN OVERPRICED STATUS-SYMBOL OF A NEEDLESSLY EXPENSIVE CAR TO TELL ME WHEN I'M TOO TIRED TO DRIVE!!! I'll conclude this Rant Against Dumb Commercials by asking: Are we just supposed to Swallow every Stupid Idea that TV Commercials saturate us with? F'cryin' out loud, Wake Up, America!!!

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Maybe He's Not Dead Yet?: Billy Mays...that name conjures up images of American Households Burying Themselves in heaps of household gadgets that they'll probably end up using once before tossing it back on the heap again. I was shocked when, late last week (after he DIED), I saw a commercial for something-or-other, with BILLY MAYS resurrected, as if he'd never taken that Last Long Turbulent Plane Ride. You know, the one in which a typewriter or anvil or something fell from the luggage rack, bashing him in the head. And, I thot, "how tasteless...the body's not even COLD yet." Well, I got it on good authority from an Authorized Source ("The Donkey Show", a relatively unknown and exceedingly hilarious radio program...program?) Anyway, evidently ol' Billy-boy filmed a few new obnoxious spots just before his passing...I guess Mays' family was contacted, and whoever is in charge of slinging annoying commercials on the Tube got the go-ahead. In short, BILLY MAYS LIVES! Hey, he looks healthier after his death than Elvis looked after his. Ya gotta hand it to Billy...He Did It His.....Wayyyyyyyy....thank yuh, thank yuh verrah-much...

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Much ado about not very much: That pretty-much sums up how I feel about Baseball's All-Star Game. What is it for? Oh wait, follow the money; there's TV rights and radio rights, and money being sent every-which-way. Consider that Ichiro Suzuki flew across half the nation to Get One Hit in the All-Star game. Whoopee. The baseball season consists of 162 (I think) games, so if the players need a break (All-Star break) for 3 or 4 days, let 'em rest! Who cares Who Wins the All-Star game, really? Answer: NOBODY. A few years ago when the game went into extra innings, and there were No Players Left To Be Substituted In The Lineup! And what happened? The game ended in a TIE! But wait...if indeed "it ain't over 'till it's over", as Yogi Berra once chortled, it WASN'T OVER and YET IT ENDED. Again, "Huh? What?" In short, How Can It Be Over when it's Not Over? Sounds "off-base" to me. (It had to be said...) And, no, it did not end in a tie. The American League won, again. The National League is winless in post-2000 All-Star games. As if anyone really, really cares...

Now, MLB tells us that "It Really DOES Matter" who wins the All-Star game, because the outcome will determine which league has Home-Field Advantage in the World Series, which at last count, is HALF-A-SEASON-AWAY from the All-Star Game. Who CARES? We don't even know WHO'S gonna be in the World Series, let alone care about the outcome of an Irrelevant Exercise In Baseball, which is what the All-Star Game IS. I think I'd rather watch Soccer than the All-Star Game. And I can't STAND soccer! There's just not something right about a game in which you can't use your ARMS, except for a few instances, such as when you smack your opponent in the face while trying to gain control of the ball. And I NEVER watch the NFL's "Pro-Bowl". What's the POINT? It's a useless exercise which occurs after the Super Bowl, when NO ONE REALLY CARES about football, cos it's over because the Season's Over. But I'm sure there's a lot of revenue generated by that game, too. Oh, wait: someone does care...can you say 'oddsmakers'? I knew ya could...

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Mercifully, this diatribe has reached its conclusion. Thanx for stickin' with me. Do You realize that I've spent an entire post nagging about Stupid Things On Television? I think I need to go out and Get A Life.

PROTECTING AND SERVING...

...Sometimes, it's nice to have them out there...

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Up in Spokane, Washington, a Donkey fell down a well. Rescue people were summoned, as well as other Animal-Medical-type people...they pulled the donkey out of the well, and checked out the critter, and it seems to be doing quite well. There's no truth to the rumor that its owner was cited for any kind of "home alone" violation, but I'm thinking perhaps someone should 'donkey-proof' the property...? Anyway, I'm sure that Summertime, wacky season that it is, really tests the will of those who are employed to bail us all out when we get ourselves into a precarious situation...

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This incident brought to mind something that happened in my house a couple of years ago. I had two small finch birds that I kept in a cage. Of course, every day I had to get into their cage so I could re-fill the bird seed and water dishes. Finch eat an amazing amount of food and often issue droppings that are half as big as they are. Well, stupid me, I left the cage door open and left the house for the afternoon. When I got back, only Mrs. Finch was in the cage. Where was Mr. Finch?

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Well...earlier that day I drank a bottle of that really great "Sobe" Orange-Carrot beverage which comes in a glass bottle. I then left the bottle near the side of the cage. And evidently, Mr. Finch got out of his cage and flew around the cage trying to get back in. (Finch aren't known for their Powers of Reasoning and can't remember what happened 30 seconds ago.) I looked all over the house and couldn't find him! Finally, I looked down at the empty "Sobe" bottle and somehow, he had fallen INTO the bottle and he couldn't get back out! Mr. Finch was flappin' and flappin' his wings, to no avail. In classical literature terms, Mr. Finch turned into the avian version of Sisyphus, who kept rolling the big rock up the mountain only to have it fall back down again. Perhaps its a good thing that Finch aren't claustrophobic or I woulda had one messed-up Finch Bird on my hands...(I hear that Finch don't respond well to psychiatric treatments...)

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Help! I'm stuck in a bottle and I can't get out! I couldn't find a foto of an empty "Sobe" bottle, but this should give ya an educated idea as to what I saw that day. So anyway, I picked up my bottled finch, opened up the cage door and tipped the bottle upside-down, and evidently the little guy wasn't Deeply Affected; he went back to doing whatever it is birds do all day; meanwhile I berated myself severely for Not Having a Camera at such an Opportune moment.
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So there ya go, two posts in One Week, and it's not even Saturday Night at 11:59pm yet! So now that I've got that done, I can go and worry about something else. The Spokesman-Review Newspaper, located in Spokane, Washington, supplied the donkey foto which I defaced here. If yer ever up in that neck of the woods, buy a copy for every single person you know. They, like other newspapers, are finding themselves Stuck in a bottle these days...

My first post in a week, but I think it was worth waiting for...
HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO ASK SOMEONE THIS QUESTION?
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I'm sure we've all known of someone who trips over his or her shoelaces everytime he or she takes a step. You know, the kind of people who are described as being "one donut short of a dozen", "one aglet short of a shoelace", "one brain-cell short of being an idiot"...perhaps knowing of such a person makes us feel better about ourselves...but in extreme cases, they're embarrassing to watch, because the blunders they make are so totally awful, that we're either feeling some pity for them, or as Don Imus, the radio guy, used to say about politicians he didn't like, "shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!!" In other words, Close Your Yap 'cos you're just gonna get yourself in Deeper. One such person comes to mind...
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This Woman is a Total Train-Wreck, just smart enough to be dangerous, except that she Has No Idea of What She's Doing, What She's Done, or What She's Gonna Do Next. This Woman is the true epitome' of a Senseless DINGBAT. Dummy Up, Sarah!!! Honestly, I can't bear to watch old footage of her making a fool out of herself; part of me feels badly for her, and part of me wants to throw a boulder at my TV set whenever she appears on the screen. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! Being Bi-Polar myself, I'd like to think I can sense when someone's a tad off-kilter, since, after all, I'm One Scrambled Egg Short Of A 3-Egg Omelet. I just kinda know when someone isn't "right". I know because I have my own manic phases; I have run off at the mouth waaay too many times; I can look back at all my mistakes and realize that I've just been so Stupid at times in my life. Except I don't really know if you can call it Stupid...but it was something...after all, I'm one fuse short of a complete circuit...
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I get ideas clanging and banging all around in my head; thoughts run head-on into each other, and my brain spins 'round and 'round, and my mouth tries to keep up, but it never does, so I find myself thinking about twenty-seven things all at once, and none of it leaves my lips in any kind of intelligent fashion. And, this is the crux of the Sarah Palin situation...it's not that she's capable of being cunning in any way; the woman is MENTALLY ILL (or at least slightly deranged) and though the things she may say or do make perfect sense to her, she is so far off-base that she ends up throwing herself out of the game. And that's just what she did this week by announcing she's not gonna finish her term as Alaska's Governess (or hench-woman, or whatever). Is she positioning herself for a Prezzidential run? If so, here's some advice for everyone capable of voting, or will be by 2012: Sarah Palin Is Not Capable of Holding Office, Anywhere. She Can't Do It, Period. The first time I saw the woman last year, I thought she was absolutely CLUELESS. She is Bad News All The Way. Don't let that smirk of hers, or her shapely physique, or supposed 'common-folk' leanings (i.e. The Soccer Mom stuff) influence you. She is one ice cube short of a tray! She's One Gasket short of a Transmission!
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I've been hesitant to say all of the above, but I finally have backing from a credible source. Syndicated Columnist Maureen Dowd today stated in her column, "Caribou Barbie is one nutty puppy." She quoted Vanity Fair reporter Todd Purdum as saying Sarah Palin's "erratic and egoistic behavior has been of concern for (Alaskans)." He went on by writing "Several people told me, independently of one another, that they had consulted the definition of 'narcisstic personality disorder'...'a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy', and thought it fit her perfectly." I, too, have rattled on senselessly, part of me trying to say something rational, and part of me thinking, "gosh, I'm making an ass out of myself here"...but I can't stop, I can't Stop, I can't STOP!!!!!!!!! Because, after all, I'm one gigabyte short of a hard-drive. The real tragedy here is that Maureen Dowd is a wack-job, according to Don Imus, whose MSNBC show I still miss greatly. And if a Wack-job of a DJ can call Maureen, a wack-job of a columnist, who in turn labeled Sarah as a wack-job, well, that should tell us all that poor-old Sarah is Several Fermented Cherries short of a Fruitcake.
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This Sarah Palin thing is not the first time I have sort-of "sensed" something, only to find out that others waaay more credible than I feel the same way, and actually Put It In Print, which is great, because I don't feel so totally off-base (or Palinesque) by saying what I say, so there it is; I'm tooting my own horn. The World According to Me...is the Way It Should Be..." Wow...that sounds like a Sarah Palin Campaign Slogan! Which is tragic, because she ain't stupid (well, maybe she is, in which case she has no common sense); she's the Victim Of Her Own Brain. Someone adjust her medications, please. Or force-feed her something, anything, to slow her brain down! Because, there's nothing, nothing at all to even halfway rationalize the many blunders she has made since she became Politically Visible. Does she have any idea of how Stupid she Always Appears? Lord, if I've been That Stupid in my lifetime, you may as well come and get me now. I mean, the Devil Himself wouldn't want me, since I'm one spike short of a pitchfork.
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Because Sarah's mind is so cluttered, narcisstic, absent or deleted, she doesn't really have Room For Rational Thought. And it shows. Sarah...get yourself down off the podium, remove yourself from public life; take your kids to soccer games and attend PTA meetings, and for heavens' sake, Get Into Therapy, or if you don't want to, at least take something so you can organize your thoughts. I take Amitriptylene. I advise you to do this, Sarah, because even if you and John McCain had run against Bozo the Clown and PeeWee Herman, you still would have lost. But most of all, shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!! Or everyone will begin to think, if they don't already, that you're one fuel cell short of a Nuclear Reactor. (shudder...)
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There are those who will hate me for writing the above post. Well, I did use the word "dingbat" which Archie Bunker used to describe Edith...feminists from everywhere will probably soon be gunning for me. Just remember that I've equated MYSELF as being just as crazy as Sarah is...you know, one bean short of a three-bean salad...