Tuesday, July 07, 2009

My first post in a week, but I think it was worth waiting for...

I'm sure we've all known of someone who trips over his or her shoelaces everytime he or she takes a step. You know, the kind of people who are described as being "one donut short of a dozen", "one aglet short of a shoelace", "one brain-cell short of being an idiot"...perhaps knowing of such a person makes us feel better about ourselves...but in extreme cases, they're embarrassing to watch, because the blunders they make are so totally awful, that we're either feeling some pity for them, or as Don Imus, the radio guy, used to say about politicians he didn't like, "shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!!" In other words, Close Your Yap 'cos you're just gonna get yourself in Deeper. One such person comes to mind...

This Woman is a Total Train-Wreck, just smart enough to be dangerous, except that she Has No Idea of What She's Doing, What She's Done, or What She's Gonna Do Next. This Woman is the true epitome' of a Senseless DINGBAT. Dummy Up, Sarah!!! Honestly, I can't bear to watch old footage of her making a fool out of herself; part of me feels badly for her, and part of me wants to throw a boulder at my TV set whenever she appears on the screen. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! Being Bi-Polar myself, I'd like to think I can sense when someone's a tad off-kilter, since, after all, I'm One Scrambled Egg Short Of A 3-Egg Omelet. I just kinda know when someone isn't "right". I know because I have my own manic phases; I have run off at the mouth waaay too many times; I can look back at all my mistakes and realize that I've just been so Stupid at times in my life. Except I don't really know if you can call it Stupid...but it was something...after all, I'm one fuse short of a complete circuit...
I get ideas clanging and banging all around in my head; thoughts run head-on into each other, and my brain spins 'round and 'round, and my mouth tries to keep up, but it never does, so I find myself thinking about twenty-seven things all at once, and none of it leaves my lips in any kind of intelligent fashion. And, this is the crux of the Sarah Palin situation...it's not that she's capable of being cunning in any way; the woman is MENTALLY ILL (or at least slightly deranged) and though the things she may say or do make perfect sense to her, she is so far off-base that she ends up throwing herself out of the game. And that's just what she did this week by announcing she's not gonna finish her term as Alaska's Governess (or hench-woman, or whatever). Is she positioning herself for a Prezzidential run? If so, here's some advice for everyone capable of voting, or will be by 2012: Sarah Palin Is Not Capable of Holding Office, Anywhere. She Can't Do It, Period. The first time I saw the woman last year, I thought she was absolutely CLUELESS. She is Bad News All The Way. Don't let that smirk of hers, or her shapely physique, or supposed 'common-folk' leanings (i.e. The Soccer Mom stuff) influence you. She is one ice cube short of a tray! She's One Gasket short of a Transmission!
I've been hesitant to say all of the above, but I finally have backing from a credible source. Syndicated Columnist Maureen Dowd today stated in her column, "Caribou Barbie is one nutty puppy." She quoted Vanity Fair reporter Todd Purdum as saying Sarah Palin's "erratic and egoistic behavior has been of concern for (Alaskans)." He went on by writing "Several people told me, independently of one another, that they had consulted the definition of 'narcisstic personality disorder'...'a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy', and thought it fit her perfectly." I, too, have rattled on senselessly, part of me trying to say something rational, and part of me thinking, "gosh, I'm making an ass out of myself here"...but I can't stop, I can't Stop, I can't STOP!!!!!!!!! Because, after all, I'm one gigabyte short of a hard-drive. The real tragedy here is that Maureen Dowd is a wack-job, according to Don Imus, whose MSNBC show I still miss greatly. And if a Wack-job of a DJ can call Maureen, a wack-job of a columnist, who in turn labeled Sarah as a wack-job, well, that should tell us all that poor-old Sarah is Several Fermented Cherries short of a Fruitcake.
This Sarah Palin thing is not the first time I have sort-of "sensed" something, only to find out that others waaay more credible than I feel the same way, and actually Put It In Print, which is great, because I don't feel so totally off-base (or Palinesque) by saying what I say, so there it is; I'm tooting my own horn. The World According to Me...is the Way It Should Be..." Wow...that sounds like a Sarah Palin Campaign Slogan! Which is tragic, because she ain't stupid (well, maybe she is, in which case she has no common sense); she's the Victim Of Her Own Brain. Someone adjust her medications, please. Or force-feed her something, anything, to slow her brain down! Because, there's nothing, nothing at all to even halfway rationalize the many blunders she has made since she became Politically Visible. Does she have any idea of how Stupid she Always Appears? Lord, if I've been That Stupid in my lifetime, you may as well come and get me now. I mean, the Devil Himself wouldn't want me, since I'm one spike short of a pitchfork.
Because Sarah's mind is so cluttered, narcisstic, absent or deleted, she doesn't really have Room For Rational Thought. And it shows. Sarah...get yourself down off the podium, remove yourself from public life; take your kids to soccer games and attend PTA meetings, and for heavens' sake, Get Into Therapy, or if you don't want to, at least take something so you can organize your thoughts. I take Amitriptylene. I advise you to do this, Sarah, because even if you and John McCain had run against Bozo the Clown and PeeWee Herman, you still would have lost. But most of all, shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!! Or everyone will begin to think, if they don't already, that you're one fuel cell short of a Nuclear Reactor. (shudder...)

There are those who will hate me for writing the above post. Well, I did use the word "dingbat" which Archie Bunker used to describe Edith...feminists from everywhere will probably soon be gunning for me. Just remember that I've equated MYSELF as being just as crazy as Sarah is...you know, one bean short of a three-bean salad...


Blogger JeanieSpokane said...

This was hysterically funny! You are my friend for life! I just laughed my tush off. Thank you! And I'm proud to be a woman and a gentle feminist. Hardly militant. And I open my own doors, too. :)

4:53 PM  
Blogger some guy who blogs said...

Hi, Jeanie...if I'm ever up your way, and I accidentally open a door for ya, please don't hit me...yipe, yipe, yipe...

See, I think people are reading waaay too much into Sarah's behavior. It's just that she's marvelously stupid.

Have you heard of the Sarah Palin cocktail? You drink half of it, and the other half evaporates into thin air. I just made that up...and it shows..........

9:13 PM  

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