INVASION OF THE SPORKS...
They might Already Be in your Neighborhood...
-

I took a bunch of pictures on Memorial Day, and finally got around to posting them in the previous post here. I'd become a dedicated Procrastinator, but I keep putting it off. (Insert Rimshot Here.) Ka-dunk! Anyway, while looking at pictures of the Ocean and Boats and other things Ocean-related, I began wondering about the Basic Premise of the old TV show, "Gilligan's Island". And the question that's been gnawing at me ever since is, if there was a Professor and a Ship's Captain and his first mate...wouldn't those three individuals, who were familiar with Physics and Buoyancy and Boats In General, somehow be able to rebuild the "Minnow" and sail on their merry way? At the beginning of each episode, you would see the Minnow, their little boat that crash-landed on the island, so there was something to Work With, at least a frame. Plus, there were a lot of trees on the island which could be used for building materials somehow. Instead, they were all stuck on that island for at least Several Seasons. We need to look into this. Seriously. But first...
-

I've Never Been into a "Taco Del Mar" fast-food restaurant. I hear they serve up some pretty good South-of-the-border-type-food. (I'd refer to it as Mexican Food, but I'm trying to be Politically Correct Here.) Taco Del Mar is a sponsor of Seattle Mariners' Baseball, and in their latest commercial, a burned out, frazzled gray-bearded Surfer Dude tells us all that Taco Del Mar's new big beefy oversized, hot and obviously tasty Mucho Grande Magnifico Burrito is so "awesome" that eating that burrito is like getting Ginger and Mary-Anne at the same time. Whoa, man...awesome! Ginger and Mary-Anne. Mary-Anne and Ginger...awww, please don't make me choose...hmmm...Ginger and Mary-Anne...maybe Gilligan, The Skipper and The Professor didn't want to get off the island. Ah, but the show was Standard Family Fare in the 1960's, so if one wants intricate plot twists, he'll just have to use his imagination.

-

I came across a little blurb earlier this week in the Eugene Register-Guard newspaper, in which one of its columnists listed, in no particular order, things he'd always been trying to figure out. Midway through his column, he was wondering why the "spork" never caught on. I'd never thought about that before, but yeah, why didn't it catch on? The poor old Spork is just not very widely used, evidently, although I think it's probably the most practical eating tool forever. And believe me, with my overweightness, I've got lots of experience with Eating Tools. Maybe that's one reason I've got arthritic elbows...I'm always hurling food headlong into the bottomless pit otherwise known as my mouth. Heck, half the time, "forget the utensils, and just give me some FOOD whether I need it or not"...maybe that's the Neanderthal within me that's always bubbled just under the surface; Gimme Food Now...Must Have Meat...

-

But back to the Spork...I've always rooted for the underdog, for the little-known cause to emerge victorious from the fray (which is why I root for the Mariners). And I think it's about time the poor relatively-unknown Spork became a household word, firmly entrenched side-by-side with the more common Spoon or Fork. For, you see, the Spork could actually replace those utensils. Ah, now we're getting to the heart of the matter...maybe, the Flatware Lobbies are conspiring for the poor lowly Spork to remain in Eating Utensil Obscurity. But did you know that, if you 'Google' the word "spork", that you'll Actually Find Sporks made of Titanium? Titanium? A spork made from that stuff might cost thousands of dollars. So Forget That Option. And I don't see more conventional metal sporks in fine sets of dining utensils. It's an anti-Spork conspiracy, I tell ya. But it must be said here, that the lowly Spork has its supporters, as is demonstrated below:

-

Imagine, if you will, an episode of Star Trek, with the Original TV Cast, in which a tired Captain Kirk admits that the Romulans have confounded him, and at a crew dinner one evening, a flustered Kirk says, "Mr. Spork, will you hand me that Spock?...I mean, Spock, gimme a Spork? And will you get that Spork of food...I mean, SPECK of food off the deck, Spork...I mean, SPOCK!!!" To which Spork, er, Spock would comment, "Captain, that is not logical behavior..."

-

I can't believe I actually wrote that. Anyway, what led me to all of this nonsense, is that I actually used a Spork today. It was at Taco Hell...er, Taco Bell, where I had some tacos and a tostado. Their tostado isn't much bigger around than a Compact Disk, and on it they smeared some refried beans and meat, which hopefully wasn't refried too much. And they covered it all up with some Cheese and Lettuce, which means I'm (barely) meeting my Dairy and Vegetable miniscule-daily-requirements. So, blame Taco Bell for this post. They threw in a plastic Spork with their (alleged) Tostado. Their Mexican...er, Latin-American food wasn't quite as awesome as Taco Del Mar's is supposed to be (remember, I wrote about Taco Del Mar above?), but it's safe to say that while the food wasn't worth Ginger or Mary-Anne separately, let alone together, the young lady at the drive-thru window was cordial and courteous, so I guess that's something. And all the while, I'm remembering The Age Of Innocence, where we all believed that everyone on Gilligan's Island were wholesome, G-Rated victims of circumstance who all ended up on the same island together, even when Ginger would gently back Gilligan into a corner and use her charms to weasel some kind of favor from him.

-

Finally, to top this off...let's talk about the Fork for a moment. Not the utensil, the Chess move. A 'Fork' is where your opponent's Knight lands in a square that puts two of your Chesspieces in jeopardy. You have to move one piece or the other, and what you don't move, the opponent's Knight takes. Many a time I've said to my opponent, "FORK You!!!" And many times, I've been..."Forked". And I can't believe I wrote that either...am I making sense yet....? And have I yet sunk as low as a blogger can possibly sink? Without a doubt, YES.

MEMORIAL DAY ON THE SOUTHERN OREGON COAST...
...always a good place to 'go fly a kite'...
-
Ah, the long weekend past...Memorial Day once again, and I guess it's good I'm publishing these photos now, since the 'next' weekend is virutally upon us...anyway, it was one of those 'Chamber Of Commerce' days down here, and one of those days when the sunshine is almost intoxicating, resulting in an Altered State Of Consciousness...hey, it can and does happen...anyway, I've stuck some photos in this post, with comments directly below each set of (2) photos. And, if you click on the photos, they'll get a tad larger...
-

-

Before actually getting to the beach, I thot I'd stop in at Davey Jones' Locker (no, the clerk doesn't have a parrot sitting on his shoulder) and pick up a few goodies (Usually a Pepsi and some Egg Rolls; this place has got the Best Deli Egg-Rolls EVER). And, when I got to the beach overlook, I checked out the scene from above. The umbrella you see on the beach, above right, was there all day; I'm not kidding, it was still there when I left just after sunset.
-

-

It was a day for recreational sailing, as the seas were very calm, although commercial fishing boats were out there, too. The Coast Guard radio station informs everyone of the tide forecasts, and when it's too windy, recreational vehicles are forbidden to cross the 'bar', out to the ocean.

-

-
The winds, however, were brisk enough for kite flying; even such superhuman-sized kites as pictured above; at left, you can see Mr. Kiteflyer wrestling with a stubborn kite, and in the end he met with success as you can see. No beachcombers were decapitated during the flying of this kite, I'm happy to report...

-

-

The out-of-focus photo at above left demonstrates how BIG this next kite is, compared to the little makeshift wind shelter its flyer erected. And he also managed to get his kite airborne, although it couldn't have been an easy kite to fly; it zigzagged around madly in the breeze. Maybe it needed a tail?
-

-

Above left, you can get an idea of the general beach environment on a sunny, breezy day. Another kite flyer had the Stars and Stripes on his mind, it being Memorial Day and all, for he flew the Stars and Stripes. Should I salute when I see such a kite? In the background are the rocks off nearby Chief Island.
-

-

In the middle of the above left photo, it looks like two kites are being suspended by one string; that's an airborne Dolphin you see in the centre. At right, another kite-person suspended this ominous-appearing 'skull and crossbones' kite. I guess it would be best, then, not to mess with the kite or its flyer. Maybe it's a "Hell's Angels" kite...

-

-

Above, at left, it was a battle of the kites, each seeking its own airspace. I personally haven't flown a kite in the last 4o years, but they're sure nice to watch. After a few hours on the beach, I went back above to the beach overlook, and caught this view (above right) of streamers suspended from a kite string. Fairly 'atmospheric' if you ask me...

-

-

Day was beginning to draw to a close...the tint in the sky was changing, the horizon began to look a bit misty, and our Winged Friends at above right were navigating to Wherever Birds Go in the evening. This was a day where I'd felt a bit mentally exhausted. I needed the moist sea air; all I wanted to do was sit and gaze. What a nice day for 'being', this day was.

-

-

Sunset, though, brought a surprise of its own. From the overlook, the horizon is about 25 miles out (as opposed to only about 8 miles out if you're on the beach). And way out there, 'twas a fairly massive cloud bank that the sun had to move through before setting. One faint last gasp of sunlight, and "doink", the sun was gone. Lights out. Just like that. Another day in the books...

-

Here's hoping everyone had a happy and safe Memorial Day. Summer Is Officially On The Way now. Let's hope for lots and lots of sunshine...

THE SONG REMAINS THE SAME...

...but visually, they're presented better than ever...

-

I've been a big fan of Led Zeppelin for a long time now. Early on, I really dug the loud, heavy, upbeat tracks on their albums, and over the years, I've come to appreciate more, the softer, acoustic-oriented tracks which they'd intersperse between the Loud Cuts. In a way, I feel that Zep was "The Beatles Of The '70's" in terms of originality, creativity, and presentation. It was as if the group could do almost any type of material, and do it well. I remember getting their 4th album (the one with Stairway To Heaven), and the songs "Rock and Roll", "Misty Mountain Hop" and ESPECIALLY "When The Levee Breaks" just blew me away. That album's been in my collection for over 35 years. I couldn't believe how fully-developed their very First album was, when I added it to my collection...Gosh, "You Shook Me", "Communication Breakdown" and "I Can't Quit You, Baby" again just Blew Me Away.

-

I could go on and on...the exotic 9-minute tune, "Kashmir" from Zep's "Physical Graffiti" album (1975) is mystical, sensitive, and still Very Very Heavy. How about "The Ocean", or "Dancing Days" from their 1973 album, "Houses Of The Holy"? Both of those tunes feature strange, off-base and really effective musical riffs (Riff: repeated sequence of notes) which all blast thru the Stereo Speakers quite nicely. But the Softer side of Zeppelin comes through as well...the acoustically propulsive "Bron-y-Aur Stomp" or the pastoral "That's The Way"; both tracks are from 'Led Zeppelin III', which featured an entire side of Acoustic Material. On their final studio album, "In Through The Out Door", (1978) they recorded one of the most Beautiful songs ever, "All My Love". It's just amazing, the range this group possessed. And, as I age, their softer tracks appeal to that side of me that likes to Ponder and Daydream. The Mighty Zeppelin never really did rely on 'formula' or any kind of predictability; and in concert, it's easy to tell that the group wanted to keep their material fresh, interesting and compelling. And it is...

-

In Concert, what I've seen has 'Led' me to think that, well, one couldn't know what to expect...how they can take the song, "Dazed And Confused", a twisted blues with a weird chord progression...in the course of that tune, they'd play it heavy, they would then break out into a relentless James Brown-type of Funk Jam, and then all of a sudden, stop in their tracks as guitarist Jimmy Page pulled out the VIOLIN BOW and raking it across the strings, causing his instrument to emit all kinds of weird, eerie sounds...sometimes, I wonder if even the Group Members Themselves didn't really know what was gonna happen; from what I can tell, they were waaaay out there on the edge; teetering over the edge, and almost falling in before making a complete musical recovery...it makes for some very, very fascinating listening. The "live" version of "Dazed and Confused" lasts for 26 and a half MINUTES, and from what I've read, some nights the song ran for 45 minutes (or more).

-

I recently bought this 2-DVD special edition of Led Zeppelin's "The Song Remains The Same", which came out on LP (and now compact disc) as well. This 'special edition' features an unedited "Whole Lotta Love", plus three songs not included in the original film, and of course, the 26-minute version of "Dazed and Confused" in all its regal splendor. I already had the 'old' single-DVD of the film, and in comparison, it's easy to tell that this presentation has Really Been Enhanced in a major way.

-

The "Live" version of "Whole Lotta Love" features Jimmy Page waving his hand over and around a strange instrument called a 'Theremin' (There-a-min), which changes frequencies depending on how close your hand is to it; Page would cause the instrument to scream and wail; then he'd point to singer Robert Plant, and Plant's high voice would match the wailings of the Theremin. Absolutely wild. (It was that part that was edited out on the original DVD issue.) And after a couple minutes of that, Page went back to his guitar and Rocked Down The House. Elsewhere, their extended version of "No Quarter", a song that begins with ghostly keyboard meanderings, whispers at the start, gains momentum, becomes torturously-heavy before again disappearing in a cloud of fog and ghostly keyboards...this is music you don't just listen to...it becomes something you experience...

-

One of the tracks that really grabs me is their 'Live' version of "Since I've Been Loving You", one of the most Anguished blues tracks I have ever heard. This is music that just Pounds at you; it Makes you feel things, it Really Reaches for your soul. And, mind you, I'm writing this over 30 years AFTER this concert was filmed, and still this music has an Immediate Impact. From a visual standpoint, what's amazing about this DVD is how sharp the video is...it's almost sharper than you'd see in Real Life; ah, the wonders of digital technology (The 'extra' tracks don't 'look' as sharp, although the sound on them is crisp and clear). Obviously, Led Zeppelin is not everyone's cup of tea. That said, their softer songs make for some very, very pleasant listening; I worked at a University Radio Station, and played their softer music in the Early Morning Hours. And their loud rock and roll...it's some of the loudest, most concentrated Rock and Roll that will Ever be recorded. Led Zeppelin's repertoire consisted of some of the most diverse musical offerings I've ever heard, drawing from Eastern, Folk, Blues and Soul influences. To me, it's no wonder Led Zep's music continues to sell. It's music in which you hear something different, no matter how many times you've heard it before.

-

I love to play guitar. And seeing Jimmy Page in concert, with his fingers whirling madly up and down the guitar neck like mine will never be able to do inspires me to (A) practice harder and more often, or (B) to Quit Altogether; most of the time I'm caught in the middle of those two extremes. And I've even learned a Led Zeppelin riff or two...

Keep On Playing those MIND GAMES forever...

...it would be safe to say this post mentions John Lennon...

-
After the Beatles broke up in 1970, I didn't really miss them all that much. How can I say that? Simple...I had all of their records by then. I remember getting psyched up for the school day by playing "The Early Beatles", the Capitol album that featured "Twist And Shout", and I found that to be as real and compelling as much of the other, newer stuff I'd play. I still have that Very Same Record today, and I didn't really care if it was recorded in 'Duophonic' or 'Real Stereo' or 'Simulated Stereo'; all I knew was, it sounded good to me. After the Beatles broke up, John Lennon had a hit with a song titled "Mind Games", which I thought was 'okaay' at the time; it wasn't my favorite tune, but these days, the song Really Impresses Me. It's even more direct than "Imagine"; it encourages us all to Lift Up the Barriers, to find peace within ourselves, as well as with our fellow human beings.

-

Today, I read an online article which mentioned Yoko Ono, 'Keeper of the flame', as far as John Lennon's memory is concerned. Or is she concerned for herself, 'cos she wants to continue to make 'appearances' which are 'provocative' in nature, since she is still a sort of confrontational-conceptual artiste (or something like that)? But even I, who thot I'd seen everything and knew everything about The Beatles, was SHOCKED to learn that Yoko Ono actually put a Paper Sack on exhibit recently. Not just any Paper Sack, though...this was the bloody sack in which she'd received John Lennon's clothing from the NYPD, containing the blood-soaked clothing he was wearing the night he got shot. And she put it on EXHIBITION. That's when my jaw fell open in a most stupefying manner. I couldn't believe what I'd just read. Before she met Lennon, Yoko was a sort-of 'event artist' who sought to inflame, provoke and outrage people, something she continued to do after she'd met Lennon, something she's still doing now.

-
(Insert Old Joke Here:)

-
Q: What Does Yoko Ono have in common with an Anteater?

A: They both make a living off of Dead Beatles.

-
This isn't the first time she's done something like this. Back in 1981, and maybe it seemed justified back then; after all, she was a New Widow...she released an album titled "Season Of Glass", and on the front cover were Lennon's Bloody Glasses next to a half-empty (or half-full, if you're thinking about joining the Peace Corps) glass of water. And when she ran out of Lennon items she could safely put on album covers, she resorted to old images of Lennon. For instance, a picture of his "Ghost" is seen alongside Yoko and Sean, John's son, as they cavort in Central Park. Is this "huckstering", or does she have good reason to do Stuff Like This? And even if 90% of her believes that somehow by keeping John's memory alive, that she is doing a good and noble thing, I wonder if the other 10% of her thinks, "the more I associate myself with John's Memory, the more important people will think I am, so I've gotta do stuff like this now and then." Well, I don't have a picture of the bloody sack full of bloody clothing, but here's a couple of examples of Yoko's work. Would you want someone to remember you like this?

-

-

Above left, the photo of John's bloody glasses, pictured on the cover of Yoko's 1981 album, "Season of Glass". At the time, I thought, "maybe it's justified; she needs to let her grief come through." It's not the easiest album to hear. In one song, "I Don't Know Why", she rants and raves, calling the forces that took John away, "bastards"...and that's after the song begins with GUNSHOTS. I wouldn't exactly refer to this as easy-listening music, unless you're INSANE. If it was her intent to shock and provoke, she did accomplish that. Maybe she wanted the entire world to feel as horrible as she must have felt back then, not long after Lennon's murder. And that was a time where All of us felt horrible. I remember feeling shock and DOOM...

-

But, in 1983, on the back cover of her "It's Alright" album (above right), there's Yoko and Sean, next to Lennon's Ghost. And that's where I began thinking that She Needs Lennon's Image and Legacy so people will give her High Regard. Or Some Regard. And she continues to travel 'round the globe, making pronouncements of peace everywhere, and I don't know what to think about all of that. Except, she's got money, she's got fame (well, notoreity, actually), but I'm wondering if anyone, anyone at all, Sees Yoko As Some Kind Of Positive Beacon Of Light Blessing Us All With Her Visions Of Peace. I don't think I see her like that. Nowadays, when I see an article featuring Yoko, I just kinda think, "oh, no". And the memory of John Lennon recedes further and further away all the time, slipping, slipping into the far reaches of the distant past...
-

-
Anyone who was alive when Lennon's murder went down has seen the picture in which he is actually Signing a copy of the "Double Fantasy" album for the guy that later shot him. The photo just above, from what I can tell, is John as he continued on toward his limousine after signing the album, and if so, this is the last-ever picture taken of him alive. Later on, the New York Post actually published a photo of Lennon in the MORGUE. That was horrible! What kind of creatures are we? But in the end, maybe I'm no better than Yoko or anyone else who's used Lennon's image to make a point, because I did Just That Here. And what's the point? Somehow we all need to look past his senseless murder, and remember him alive, vital, and as THE founding member of the most influential musical group, EVER. In the end, though, Time becomes the great equalizer. In another hundred years, will anyone think of him at all? Perhaps as a footnote in some cyber-textbook? The fact remains that he was taken from us all. And that's sad. And every time I hear a Beatles/Lennon song, I think about what happened to him. That doesn't change. But as the music plays, the feeling recedes, so that's good...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, THIS post got heavy all of a sudden, didn't it? All right, I'll try to end things here on a more positive note. This next little thing coming up brings back a whole lotsa memories...

-

I found something really cool on Ebay, recently...a photograph of the Same Exact Model of Record Player that I had, back in 1968, when I got a copy of "Sgt. Pepper" for my birthday. Here it is, folks, the ultimate in Stereo Technology back in the late '60s; may I introduce the General Electric "Mustang 200" Stereo Phonograph...

-

-

What was really neat about this little unit, is that you could flip the turntable up and lock it in place, and the speakers attached to each side, so that you could carry it like a suitcase. The Gizmo above the turntable held a short-stack of albums in place, which would drop down one by one when the preceding side was done. Ah, memories...

REST IN PEACE...

...reflections on losing two more of my classmates...

-

I didn't know these two people very well in high school. Indeed, I either felt I was too inferior or was just too shy to speak to a whole lot of people. The two classmates I lost recently were people I barely knew back then...but I remember them...

-

Tom was one of the Really Bright kids in school, and during that time, I didn't know him and had never spoken with him. Later in life, I was surprised to find out that he drove cab for the same outfit I used to drive for. Tom worked mostly the night shift, while I was a daytime driver. Tom was one of the "real smart kids" in High School, so I was surprised that he was very congenial and easy to talk to, and I really appreciated that. Tom's brother, Jack, also drove cab, and Jack also passed away a few years ago. So my thoughts are with their families.

-

The other classmate that passed recently was Debbie. I never said one word to her all the way thru school, but I didn't say a lot to very much of anyone back then. She was always one of those people who was "around"; she always seemed to be smiling brightly and I remember her as being very, very exuberant. My heart goes out to her families as well. In high school, I had my own little group of 7 or 8 friends, and I was Extremely Scared of Girls back then. So even though I went to school with All These People back then, 99% of them didn't know me and I didn't know them. But whenever one of them passes away, I feel a sense of loss.

-

It's amazing how many people we become familiar with on some level or another, that we never Really Get To Know, because we think they don't want to talk to us, or we're afraid that we'd make fools of ourselves if we tried to communicate. Although I didn't know the larger part of the class I graduated with; they were all part of my life back then. Some still are, and for that, I'm grateful. Through such venues as e-mail and Facebook, I've found some of my old buddies, plus I've received communication from some other classmates who wonder who I was. (Told ya I'm unmemorable).

-

Occasionally, I'll look thru the online obits from funeral homes where I used to live, and every now and then, someone else I knew is gone. I don't like to read the obits anymore, though. Too many of the dearly-departed are close to my age. Most of the People I knew who passed away raised families, assumed responsibilities, were accomplished, and were Very Good Citizens. People like those pass on, and I'm still here. I'm not responsible or accomplished, or probably even Not Very Smart. And I'm still living and breathing. Go figure, huh? The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.

-

I will hang onto this life As Long As I Can. At the same time, I've come to the realization that when Death Comes, that's it. It's over. No More anxieties, no more worries. I hope there is an afterlife, I hope there's a heaven. But if it's "lights out" on a permanent basis, well then, that's that. Right now, I'm a little bit sad. At the same time, I'm grateful to be alive. Here's my wish for Tom and Debbie and all others who've departed this world...

-

MODERN-DAY TECHNOLOGY...

...sometimes it can really save your A$$...

-

Have you ever been Your Own Worst Enemy?: I at the checkout counter paying for something today, and out of habit just happened to check my wallet to make sure my Debit Card was in it, even though I wasn't going to use the Card for that particular transaction. And all of a sudden my brain began exploding; "OH MY GOSH,WHERE IS MY DEBIT CARD????" Talk about Instant Panic. Have you ever had one of those moments, in which your entire identity was put in jeopardy by a little plastic 3x5 card that You Can't Find All Of A Sudden? So I tried re-tracing my steps, and when that didn't work, I called my bank, thinking they could tell me where my Last Card Transaction Was. I'd used the Cash Machine at my bank (which I usually don't do), and had forgotten to take my card out of it. Well, guess what...the bank's ATM machine has a cool built-in feature in which, if your card isn't removed after the transaction is done, the machine "swallows" the card and stores it, meaning the bank clerk who replenished the cash machine this morning found my card within the bowels of the machine. So...modern technology Saved My A$$ets. Whew!

------------------------------------------------------------

It's kinda sad, really: My next-door neighbor has a sweet little female Pit Bull pup. Good fences make good neighbors, and yes, the dog's fenced in. She'll roll around on the grass and play with her doggie-toys scattered around the yard. She'll run along the fence as I venture out to check my mailbox...and I'll reach over the fence and pet her and rough-house with her a bit. She likes to play the game of the Moving Shoe. I'll touch my Shoe to the chain-link fence, and she'll sniff at it...then all of a sudden I'll move my Shoe to another place on the fence and she'll leap over to sniff at it again. She's really a cool little dog. I hope so, anyway. A pit-bull with a Pink Collar. Pink for a Pit Bull? Somehow that's kinda weird. I guess it's a good thing that dogs only see in black-and-white, or so I've heard...

-

Anyway, a couple of days ago, her owner evidently headed out and went to the store, and was only gone for about twenty minutes, leaving his dog outside. I happened to be outside after he'd left, and his little-girl Pit-Bull Immediately Established A Different Demeanor with me...she became really wary, standing on the Porch, motionless, and all of a sudden, I got a little bit scared, even though the Fence separated me from the Dog. She was Standing Still, Not Moving, her eyes focusing at me, fixing me with a cold icy stare, sort-of like the impersonal stare of a Shark just before it Eats You For Lunch.

-

It was then when I began to recall All the vicious Pit Bull Attacks I'd Ever Read About, and I began looking at the dog differently. No way was I going to go even Close to the fence. This is sad, because now my perception of my neighbor's dog has changed. All of a sudden, it's me who's wary. She was probably just doing her job, protecting her owner's house, and thought of me as a Threat. Me, the innocent guy who liked to play with her. But now, I'll never see her in quite the same light again. And that's sad. We do it with animals, we do it with our fellow Human Beans. Our frames of reference cause us to pull back from those who we think could hurt us. And all of a sudden, a Sweet Little Dog became something that could do me some serious damage. It's sad when Innocence like this becomes lost, because Dogs can Smell Fear, which makes them uncomfortable, after which they often go into Attack Mode. Reality "Bites" sometimes, doesn't it?

--------------------------------------------------

It ain't over 'till the Fat Lady sings when the Cows Come Home: (or something along those lines)...That mixed-metaphor just about sums up the way the Seattle Mariners' fortunes have gone lately. After a promising start, they've only won 1 in their last 7 or 8 games, and all of a sudden, they've got a below-.500 winning percentage, all of a sudden their play is getting sloppy, and all of a sudden, they can't hit, and all of a sudden, they're IMPLODING, blowing up from within. Surprisingly, the problem ISN'T in the team's "starting" pitching. Sooner or later, Defensive errors (too many of them) are committed, and if that doesn't happen (or when it does!) the M's relievers end up feeding Fat Pitches to the opposition. Step right up and Take A Bite! My Dave Niehaus impersonation: "MY, OH, MY, THE MARINERS GIVE IT AWAY AGAIN! GET OUT THE RYE BREAD AND MUSTARD, GRANDMA; HOPEFULLY YOUR "GRAND SALAMI" WON'T TASTE AS BAD AS THIS GAME!!!" I'm almost tempted to do what Rick Rizz's patented home-run call suggests..."GOODBYE, BASEBALL!!!" Indeed, sometimes I wonder why I Even Watch Anymore. And then I remember: The M's keep finding New Ways To Lose. I find that perversely fascinating as I wonder, "How Are They Gonna Mess Up Tonight?" Let me count the ways...so I continue to watch...

--------------------------------------------------
Not Bad for a Bubblegum Band: Back in the late '60s, a genre of music known as "Bubblegum" became really popular. 'Bubblegum Music' basically consists of melodically catchy little numbers that rock in a sing-song-sort of way with nothing serious in the lyrics. The Chief Bubblegum Purveyor was a record label called Buddah, which issued such Timeless Classics as "Yummy Yummy Yummy" by the Ohio Express and "Simon Says" by the 1910 Fruitgum Company. The latter group absolutely HATED being forced to record Bubblegum Music. They didn't want to record "Green Tambourine" (a number one hit), but label bigwigs said "either you record it or we'll find someone else who Will!" So the group re-considered their options and Recorded it. After that came the "Green Tambourine" album, which featured some fairly heavy rock in addition to 'gummy' little songs. After that, the group recorded another single, "Jelly Jungle", which is about as sticky as Bubblegum gets. It was a good song, but didn't chart very high. Alas, Bubblegum was losing its popularity to the increasingly Heavier Sounds Of The Day...such as Jimi Hendrix, or Blue Cheer, or Cream, to name but three heavy-Heavy musical acts who got their start in the Late '60s...

-

Their second album, "Jungle Marmalade", released in 1968, was also the last album they made for Buddah (or for anyone else). And yes, it features 2 or 3 Bubblegum numbers written by their producers ("Record These Or Else!")...and then promptly turned over the sessions to The Group, who could record anything they wanted, as long as they recorded those 2 or 3 Bubblegum numbers. So, their albums (and especially this one) are fascinating mixtures of chirpy-pop as well as psychedelic and hard-core blues numbers. And ya know, the Bubblegum songs strike a nice balance, with their group-written, more experimental songs. Plus, on the "Jungle Marmalade" album, you get a beautiful version of a song The Byrds originally did, "I Was Not Born To Follow". In the Lemon Pipers' version, the song was outfitted with a dignified, slowed-down backbeat which gives Extra Bite to the song's surrealistic lyrics. "And in the end, you'll surely know, I Was Not Born To Follow..." Another song from the album, "Lonely Atmosphere", got some Very Limited Radio Play, before evaporating quite rapidly from the charts. Sadly, that song is misidentified as "Mirrors" on the record jacket, so record shoppers who might have bought the album based upon "Lonely Atmosphere" didn't know the song was on there. A sad fate for what is actually A Very, Very Nice Tune.

-

Later on, I found a Canadian Copy of the "Jungle Marmalade" album, and discovered that "Lonely Atmosphere" wasn't on it. Instead, I found a rather uncommercial song in which the lyrics were barely decipherable...evidently, that song is "Mirrors". For U.S. copies of the album, it was removed in favor of the more marketable "Lonely Atmosphere". Finally, who recorded the most Bubblegummy-song of them all? I think that honor goes to the 'Other' group, the Ohio Express, for a little ditty titled "Chewy Chewy". It actually rocks. Well, kinda...

HEY, IT'S ALL NUCULER TO ME!
...or, am I justified by reacting like this? Read on...
-
I read something that quite astonished me this week. An article in the Noozpaper about NASA running out of Nuclear Fuel for future Space Probes to go to the very ends of the universe...and I learnt that NASA was contemplating turning to RUSSIA to see if they have some Nuclear fuel that we might need for more space probes. I'm not making this up. HOW COULD I? A case where Truth is stranger than fiction. Didn't A Certain Russian Premier say a couple of generations ago that "We Will Bury You"? The "You" being "US"...and now we're turning to them for nuclear fuel? Isn't that kinda like a Wolf baring his throat for another Wolf? 'The times, they ARE a-changin'. I guess if our country is dependent on foreign oil, mostly supplied by countries that can't STAND us, I guess we might as well barter for Nucular Fuel..."Hey, Russia...how 'bout we trade you some Vodka for Nuclear fuel?" That'll hit them where they live! Russians drinking American Vodka. It could happen!
-
FIVE TO ONE, BABY...ONE IN FIVE: "No One Here Gets Out Alive"...Those words, written by Jim Morrison (Certainly you remember 'The Doors'?), seem to be summing up The Seattle Mariners this week...they've lost Five Games In A Row, and if they don't win Saturday, well, the Song Will Change to..."Six To One, Baby...One In Six...The Mariners' Troubles just...cannot be fixed..." Over the last few games, the M's hitting is Nonexistent. The Mariners' Pitchers aren't just getting hit, they're getting ANNIHILATED. And while the M's will get out of this latest Road Trip alive, unless they begin turning things around Pretty Doggoned Soon, they'll be paying penance in Baseball Purgatory. Not a fun place to be.
--------------------------------------------------
SOMETHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN: I've belabored the fact that sometimes I inadvertently pick the Wrong Variety of Pepsi-Cola, mainly because all of the labels are startingly similar, dominated by a landscape of Blue; some light blue, some a darker hue, and if you don't Really Pay Close Attention to the bottle you reach for, by the time you get home, you'll find that instead of Good Ol' Regular Pepsi, instead you've bought a bottle of Diet Pepsi, which tastes like Battery Acid, or perhaps Wild Cherry Pepsi, which is actually pretty good.
-
And here it is, folks, Pepsi's old formula becomes New Once Again...Pepsi "Throwback". The labels tout that this version of Pepsi is "sweetened with natural sugar". That would be how many tablespoons-full? 27, perhaps? What I'm wondering is, after having drank enough "Regular" Pepsi in my lifetime to fill the reservoir behind Hoover Dam, what was all THAT Pepsi sweetened with? Unnatural sugar? Some perverted, ultra-concentrated, forcibly-extracted syrup made out of corn residue, perhaps? After all, anything that's sweet involves some kind of sugar. PepsiCo, just what have I been drinking all these years?
-
Obviously, Pepsi is doing here, probably for profit, what caused the Coca-Cola Company to almost experience sudden disaster 20 years ago, when it came out with a New Variety of Coke (which tasted a lot like Regular Pepsi, by the way). Coke drinkers worldwide protested forcibly, and so Coke began using the Old Formula again, calling it "Classic Coke", only adding to the general confusion. I think "Classic Coke" is now just "Coke", and who knows, maybe Coca-Cola sold off all it's "New Coke" to Pepsi at a Big Loss. Now, that would make sense in a strange sort of way...
-
So, which is the "Classic Pepsi"? The "Throwback" version, which probably has never been available in my lifetime, or the "Regular Pepsi" that I've been drinking all along? I previously posted that I've been cutting down on Caffeine, but when I saw This Particular Blue Pepsi Bottle on the shelf, well, I just had to try it, Caffeine or No. So, did I experience a divine Cola revelation as I placed mine lips on the bottle of the Cola Nectar of a bygone age? Or, was I horrified by the taste, spitting out what I'd drank and heaving the bottle in best Brett Favre fashion? Actually, my reaction was somewhere in-between. The verdict? Pepsi's new-old "Throwback" variety tastes a little bit "darker" than the regular old Pepsi, and while it's different, it's not that different. And, I think I actually like the "Regular Old Pepsi" a little more. Maybe it's because the 'Non-Natural Sugar' in Regular Pepsi is about 87 times as sweet as the (allegedly) Natural Sugar found in Pepsi "Throwback"? Guess I'm hooked, huh?
---------------------------------------------------
SOME MORE RECORDS THAT YOU ABSOLUTELY CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT: I did this same thing a while back, and I've received an exuberant and undiluted positive reaction from one of my readers (33% of my readership), so I thot I'd list five more albums below. Not all of them may be available on CD or mp3 or whatever the latest rage in music reproduction is these days, but here goes:
-
*PET SOUNDS (The Beach Boys) You won't find any surf music here. It's a complicated, moody album that I didn't like at first. It's melancholy and reflective, and if you're in the right (or wrong) mood, it'll knock ya between yer eyes. It just gets better & better with time. When Brian Wilson sings, "I Just Wasn't Made For These Times", all I can say is, "hey, buddy, I know how ya feel."
-
*BEGINNINGS (Allman Bros. Band) This 2LP set contains the first two Allman Brothers Band albums ("Allman Bros. Band" and "Idlewild South"), and showcases the Golden Age of the Allman Bros, with Duane leading the way on slide guitar. The A.B.'s never got better than this. Here, you'll find the original version of "Whipping Post", and a Great Version of "Hoochie Coochie Man" sung by Berry Oakley, the bass player (who, like Duane, is now gigging in Rock & Roll Heaven.)
-
*LEVEL HEADED (Sweet) "Sweet?", you say, "that shameless Pop Band?" Yeah, Sweet's most infamous hit was "Little Willy" (ack!)...then Sweet went through a pop-rock phase ("Fox On The Run", etc.) and then through a heavy, hard-rock phase (their "Give Us A Wink" album is ULTRA heavy), but on "Level Headed", they headed straight for the world of Art-rock, with mock symphonies, melodious masterpieces, and the Long Album Version of "Love Is Like Oxygen", which is just grrrreat.
-
*STEPPENWOLF THE SECOND (Steppenwolf) This second Steppenwolf album (1968) does it all...it rocks hard, it gets funky, there's a ballad backed with Violins Only (!), and, face it, any album with a lopsided-sounding masterpiece titled "Don't Step On The Grass, Sam" has just got to be great. The real reason I like it, however (in addition to the fact it includes "Magic Carpet Ride"), is the long medley on side two that begins with a whisper, gets into the blues, and finishes at a breakneck speed tempo, CRASH! At the very end is a little one-minute meditative song. I know you'll think I'm crazy, but I liken side two of Steppenwolf to side two of Abbey Road. Bandleader John Kay, in his autobiography, said he didn't think the long medley worked, but I'm here to tell ya that it did! It Did!
-
*CAPTAIN BEYOND (Captain Beyond) The drumming on this album will Astonish You. The tightness of the band will Nail You. It, too, is comprised of songs crashing headlong into one another, and if that's not good enough, Rod Evans (Deep Purple's Original Vocalist) lends his unique voice to the proceedings. I've had this LP 30 years, and it still sounds Really Fine. This might be hard to find these days. So good luck. Oh, by the way, Original Pressings of this album featured a little 3-D picture on the cover. Cool, huh?
-
I realize this is a lot for one post. Hey, what can I say, everything just kinda seems to unload itself all at once. It's my way of compensating; I'm trying to post at least twice a week which isn't made any easier by the fact that I've been wasting waaay too much time on Facebook!

HALLUCINATING AT THE LOCAL GOODWILL STORE...

...or, what happens when musical worlds collide...

Thrift stores are one of the best things I can think of, really. Look in your daily paper, especially as Summer Draweth Nigh. Within the classified pages, you'll see Hundreds of Garage Sales. In the past, I've taken "junking" trips with friends of mine...plotting all the garage sales on a map, and then rushing off to each one in a frenzy before all the good stuff is gone. It's a good way to wear yerself out. So, the thrift stores and junk shops are ultra-convenient. After all, at thrift stores and junk shops, you can find all sorts of Old Stuff. Although, in a "Junk Shop", items are bound to be pricier. And, those old items are pricier yet at an Antique Store, which also contains tons and tons of Old Stuff.

Were it not for Thrift Stores, I couldn't afford the armloads of Old Records and Paperback Books I consume. I wouldn't have near the amount of VHS movies in my collection without Thrift Stores. My CD deck and 2 portable CD players all came from Thrift Stores, as do a lot of my CD storage racks and tables on which sit my Stereo Equipment. I just found a great leather cap last week whilst looking for nothing in particular. I've found great new or almost-new clothing at Thrift Stores; while most of those items are marked "Irregular" which is okay, seeing as how I have an Irregular Body to begin with. Okay, by now, you're wondering, "well this is all well and good, but what does it have to do with Hallucinating, and what does it have to do with Colliding Musical Worlds?"

Well, as I left the Goodwill Store the other day, I looked back at the Record Rack I had just finished browsing through, and in the front sat this album, by Englebert Whatshisdinck...the king of Easy-Listening Crooning, whose real name is actually Gerry Dorsey...

...and when I saw this particular album, all of a sudden, it hit me...even though I 've never heard ol' Englebert sing, "I just wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day", I personally think there's quite a strong resemblance between him and the bass player for KISS, Gene Simmons (pictured below)...

Now you might not be totally convinced at the proposition I have put forth here; in fact, you might just think I might be seriously Off My Rocker, in which case, you might be correct. But, view the following composite photo and Tell Me There Ain't A Resemblance...

By the way, I read somewhere that Gene Simmons had his Tongue insured for over a million dollars. I imagine that when he stuck his tongue out in school, he had a tough time reeling it back in. Englebert Humperdinck and Gene Simmons in the same blog. Who'd've thot?

ALBUMS I NEVER GET TIRED OF HEARING...
...there are so many; how could I pick only 20???
-
I've been listening to records Forever. It's impossible to say which is my favorite, because there are so many different records for so many different moods. So, I've plunked down 20 of my favorites here, in No Order Of Preference. There are many more records by many more artists I haven't listed that I Absolutely Cannot Do Without. So How can I pick 20? I can't. But twenty of them are listed here. And hopefully I can cough up the resourcefulness to do quite a few more of these kinds of posts in the future. But for now, here are the first twenty 'desert island' albums that I've come up with. So far, that is...
-
*"Machine Head" by Deep Purple. Contains the original version of "Smoke On The Water", but the entire album is just great all the way through. Most all of the songs feature great tradeoffs between Organ and Guitar, and it's one of the very best albums I Have Ever Heard. You can see "Machine Head's" cover in the photo at left. For those of you who may not know, a "Machine Head" is a term for the Tuning Pegs of a guitar. When it won't hold its tune anymore, it's time for new Machine Heads...
-
*"Moontan" by Golden Earring; this is the album with "Radar Love", and the rest of the record is a fantastically creative and progressive piece o'music from start to finish. The two long tracks on side two, "Big Tree, Blue Sea" and "Are You Receiving Me" are just so cool.
-
*"Abbey Road" by The Beatles. I like the song suite on side two, and the sheer heaviness of "I Want You (She's So Heavy)". Yeah, I can do without "Maxwell's Silver Hammer", but any album that contains "Something", "Here Comes The Sun" and "Come Together" on top of everything else has GOT to be great. And it is.
-
*"Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd. I like this even better than "Dark Side Of The Moon". "Wish You Were Here" is so atmospheric and very richly recorded. Flying in the face of commerciality, Pink Floyd put together an extremly absorbing record here. I especially love the guitar work on "Shine On You Crazy Diamond".
-
*"Wish You Were Here" by Badfinger. Due to management problems, the record company pulled this album after only a Month, and it's the best thing Badfinger ever recorded. And yes, I realize this has the same title as the Pink Floyd album. Different groups, same title...when I first heard this record, I thot it sounded like a mid-1970's version of "Abbey Road". And I still think so.
-
*"Bitches Brew" by Miles Davis. An absorbing record full of some of the strangest jazz ever. I've had it in my collection for over 20 years, and I'm still trying to understand it. I recently found the re-mastered CD of the album...and it sounds better than ever. Davis and his mini-jazz-orchestra get funky and the whole thing is Experimental...an experiment that worked...I think...
-
*"Don't Call Us, We'll Call You" by Sugarloaf. Except for the title track, the rest of the album was recorded a couple of years before "Don't Call Us" hit really big in 1975. That album didn't sell At All. So, the title track was added to the album, which makes it a great record...and boy, oh boy, can Jerry Corbetta ever play that organ.
-
*"Of A Simple Man", by Lobo. Lobo's real name is Kent LaVoie, and he authored "Me and You and A Dog Named Boo" back in the early '70s. This is his second album, and it's loaded with really nice songs, and it rocks a bit too. He sings of The Road, about Lost Love, how his People on The Reservation Need Him, and in the end wonders if He Is True To Himself. Good stuff.
-
*"Learning To Crawl" by The Pretenders. Chrissie Hynde, the group's singer and songwriter, snarls her way through some fantastic rock music. I wouldn't want to get on her bad side...she can rock as hard as any male rocker in any male rock band, and she proves it here. This album rocks with flavor. Not a bad song on it.
-
*"Dog And Butterfly", by Heart. This is the best thing the Wilson sisters ever did. Plenty of variety on this album, from soft ballads to funky rockers, to flat-out-ultra-hard-rock. This is an album that Never will sound Old and dated. The beautiful soft pieces on this record make the loud cuts even louder, and this album Absolutely works on a whole lot of levels.
-
*"All Things Must Pass" by George Harrison. This is a triple-record set, and the 3rd record contained some unsatisfying jams, but the other two records are packed with some of the most gorgeous songs ever committed to vinyl (and now CD)...I can't imagine life without this music. Also, the production of this album (by Phil Spector), is nothing short of fantastic.
-
*London Town" by Wings. This later-period Wings album is one of the tastiest, variety-packed albums that Paul McCartney has ever made. The songs evoke an atmosphere of cultural diversity, the songs are imaginative, and this record Has No Dull Moments. Especially interesting is Paul's use of synthesizer throughout the record.
-
*"Chicago V". This is the album that features the "Wood-Cut" photo, and contains "Saturday In The Park". It's a very sophisticated album, the brass soars and the band grooves; this is just about the most consistent album they ever made. You'll find fancy time signatures, inspired jamming, good songs, and great vocals virtually everywhere on this album.
-
*"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" by Iron Butterfly. You've all heard about the title song; it's one of the earliest jam-type tracks I ever heard, but the real surprise is that the five songs on Side One are very good, too. " This is an album that rocks All The Way Through. If you like some melody thrown in while you rock, I guarantee you'll fall head over heels for this album.
-
*"Forever Changes" by Love. The album only sold 30,000 copies, but has been regarded as a Cult Classic. Most albums that are described as such are usually Not Classics. But this one is; haunting melodies, imaginative lyrics, and an overall feeling of wistfulness. A Fascinating record. Rock records are seldom this good. A must listen, even if you don't like rock music.
'
"Some Girls" by the Rolling Stones. This record is funny, outrageous, and it rocks. "Beast Of Burden" is one top-40 song I never got tired of hearing. You've got to figure that any record with a song titled "When The Whip Comes Down" is gonna be interesting. And it is. Very. The Stones were Bad boys all the way on this record. I think this is their last Really Inspired Album.
-
"Tres Hombres" by ZZ Top. Terrific blues-rock, and hey, this album has a special place in my heart. I used to get drunk and listen to "La Grange" at weekend parties while I went to College. (And I still came away with a 3.17 GPA. Go figure.) "Tres Hombres" is a big ol' noisy platter of intense rock from this Lil' ol' Band From Texas. Any band that can rock and still tell you that Jesus Takes Care Of Business has just got to have something special going for them.
-
*"Untitled" by Led Zeppelin...a painfully obvious choice, perhaps, since this contains "Stairway To Heaven", but that's not why I like it. Songs like "Misty Mountain Hop", "Rock And Roll", and especially "When The Levee Breaks", an old Memphis Minnie blues tune, Really Get Me Going. The acoustic songs contrast effectively with the loud cuts that'll Pound You Into The Ground.
-
"Monolith" by Kansas. It contains spell-binding tracks such as "On The Other Side", "People Of The South Wind", and "A Glimpse Of Home" that sound almost Heavenly in their Brilliance. And "Reason To Be" closes the album soothingly. Kansas could make symphonic-type music, but under that, the guitars, drums, bass and keyboards are solid, all the way.
-
"L.A. Woman" by The Doors. On this record, the Doors play funkier and jam more loosely than ever, and create more of that dark, moody feeling that only Jim Morrison could supply. "Riders On The Storm", "Texas Radio and the Big Beat", "The Changeling", "Love Her Madly" and "L'America" make this one of the most unique albums I've ever heard, and it gets better with age. My favorite Doors Album by far.
-
If you want to find out more, just enter any album title/artist into a search engine and go from there. And there are more of these posts to come. After all, I didn't mention Grand Funk Railroad, or Black Sabbath, or Blue Oyster Cult, or Elton John, or Captain Beyond, or Ten Years After, or The Scorpions or Cheap Trick or The J. Geils Band, etc. etc.... But I had to start somewhere...so, happy listening...see ya on the Flip Side...