I guess it's a British thing...

A Yankee Doodle's Initial Reaction to MARMITE...

I recently was the recipient of a small "Care Package" from one of my internet buddies, an English Lass who is known to all of us (and indeed, the world and the entire Universe) as "Marmitetoasty". For the longest time, I wondered what "Marmite" was; maybe a meat by-product derived from raised-in-captivity Marmots, for instance? Nope, I couldn't have been more off-base...Marmite is actually YEAST EXTRACT. (I can tell your taste buds are activated by just having found that out.) I'll Repeat: Yeast Extract. I imagine that Marmite is actually Very Good For You; it's full of all kinds of nourishing things, but like a lot of things that are good for you...well, you know, like Cod Liver Oil or Molasses out of the bottle...well, you get the idea...

In my little "Care Package" was one of the small heart-shaped containers of Marmite, seen above left. And I thot, 'how is that small package supposed to last long enough for me to get my fill?' And right away, I found out. It's gonna take me a while to finish that off. As you can see above right, Marmite is a thick oozy liquid with a thickness similar to Pancake Syrup that's been on the shelf for a couple of years, and it tastes like a 50-50 mix of Barbecue Sauce and 20-weight Motor Oil. Although there are people in our world who really love this stuff, even the company that manufactures it has accepted that Marmite isn't everyone's cup of tea; it's ads even say that you'll either Love or Hate it. Yep, no such thing an understated reaction to Marmite, for sure.

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If you're intrigued with all of this, and you're excitedly thinking to yourself, "Is there More?", well, yes there is. Marmite Is Here To Stay. How do I know that? Well, it turns out that Marmite has achieved a sort-of off-base popularity in various places in the world which evidently has manifested itself in other Marmite-derived products out there for you to enjoy (or not). You don't have to settle for just Ordinary Marmite and nothing more, no sir...may I humbly present, Marmite Breadsticks, and if you think Marmite's Great, you'll think Marmite Breadsticks are the greatest thing since Sliced Tofu...

That's right, Marmite Yeast Extract Breadsticks provides you with a crunchy way to enjoy your marmite. By themselves, these breadsticks taste not unlike Cheese Nips, one of my most favorite snacks; by themselves, they're pretty good. In the bag pictured above, there's about 20 sticks, each about an inch long and roughly the diameter of a pencil. Now, I realize most assumptions I make are just wrong, but looking at the marmite container and the little marmite breadsticks, it just seemed natural to assume that one should dip the breadstick into the marmite, and that I did...and that's how I came to taste the Marmite. And that's when my taste buds hit "TILT"...alarm bells went off in my brain, and all of a sudden that little teeny container of Marmite assumed Epic proportions. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get all the way thru it. It's an 8-gram container, which means I have about 6.5 grams yet to consume.

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Remember that old TV ad for Brylcreem, the Gunk that was designed for the Male scalp? It was supposed to nutrify your hair and make it look real good; Brylcreem wasn't "greasy kid stuff", after all. Well, I do believe that the same advertising slogan used in those Brylcreem commercials could also be adapted for the promotion of Marmite, and that slogan is "A little dab'll do ya". More than accurate, for I had a little dab of Marmite and it almost Put Me Away. The Marmite manufacturers, however, have expanded their product line. After all, Marmite is widely known in England, and I guess the product also has aficionados in New Zealand and Australia. And included in my little "Care Package" was included a container of Marmite "Cheddar Bites" (pictured below).

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I think The Marmite Manufacturers would've been more correct, though, if they'd named the product "Cheddar Nibbles", because that's all I could bear to do; just take a couple of nibbles, and I'm sorry, I really am, but I can't face eating the whole thing. I reclosed the container, and it's still eminating a rather pungent odor, about half an hour after I re-sealed it. The little container measures approximately one and 1/4 inch in diameter. Am I going to try and finish it off? I might as well try to eat a pound of uncooked Beef Brains...I just can't deal with -it...aughhhhhhh...

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Thankfully, inside the "Care Package" I received from Mizz Marmite, were also included some very fine Chocolates, and today I had Chocolate for Lunch, Afternoon Snack, and I'm even thinking about having Chocolate for Dinner, although if I did that, I'd have to wonder what I'd have for dessert...Marmite, maybe? Ack Ack ACK ACK AAAAAAAAAAAAACK! In addition to the Marmite and the Chocolates in the package I received, are also included a number of different 'experimentally-flavored' packages of "Crisps", which I assume is the British term for "Potato Chips". Among the flavors are Cajun Squirrel (!), Chili & Chocolate (!!), Fish & Chips, Crispy Duck & Holsein (Quack!), and Onion Bhaji (huh?). I double-checked, tho; no Marmite-flavored Chips anywhere in sight. Whew...

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Earlier this week, before receiving my 'care package', I'd gone shopping and bought a bottle of extra-concentrated "Tums" antacid tablets. Talk about timing! That'll come in handy, especially after I consume the Chili and Chocolate flavored Crisps.