AN OBLIGATORY POST...
...not especially inspired, but hopefully readable....

Oh my gosh...Wednesday and still no new blog post? All right, I'm on it, we're gonna fix that right now, in spite of the fact that I still can't change the TYPE SIZE in this blog anymore. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I'm nearing 900 posts in this blog, and there's just no more room for large type. Maybe 'blogger.com' is having to downsize and cut back. No more o'them large-size headlines, they're too expensive! Maybe blogger-dot-com needs a bailout?
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FROZEN BODY PARTS IN THE FREEZER: (You've gotta admit, that headline's an attention grabber...) Now, hang on thar just a minute, don't get all carried-away on me here. It all has to do with my newly-acquired Lower Permanent Denture, you see. While I've been waiting for that to be done, I wore a temporary lower denture. I kept having to go back to the Denturist to get it fitted properly, which they do by pouring some sort of 'goop' into the denture until, yea, verily, it moldeth perfectly to yer jaw. And wouldn't ya know it, just when I got that to fit, I can't wear it anymore, 'cos now I've gotta wear the permanent one. A permanent Lower Denture is worth approximately ten percent of the National Debt, but never mind that. "Doctor, what do I do with the temporary lower, now that I can't wear it?" Well, my son, get a plastic container, fill it with water and toss your denture in. Then put it in the FREEZER." Just my luck, if I ever have a houseguest (which hasn't happened in three years), he/she will open up the freezer looking for ice cubes and they'll see a set of LOWER TEETH embalmed in ice. And then they'll look at me and increduously shout, "What the hell? Are you some kind of degenerated PRE-VERT?" And then I'll tell them, "No, I'm a post-vert." Although, wait...just a minute...I do have my Two Front Teeth, which were extracted last year, laying around here somewhere...they were pulled just before the Yuletide Holiday, and all of a sudden, the old song, "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" kept piercing and gouging my mind...so that's the reason for that. Can we get on with this post, now?
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SEAT BELTS IN OREGON: The Oregon House has passed a bill banning the use of hand-held cell-phones by drivers. If this law is passed, use of a hand-held cell-phone would be a Primary Violation, something the County Mounties can pull you over for. The bill would exclude cell-phones that are being used in a hand-less device, or if your front-seat passenger holds the phone up to your mouth while you yack and jabber away. I think the proposed bill is good, as far as it goes. It could go further. After all, it's been proven that cell phones are just as much of a distraction in a handless device, as if you were holding your cellphone, pasted to the side of your cheek, leaving key-impressions in yer skin. The other day, I actually saw a motorist projecting himself on a cell-phone, and he was PARKED. Hallelujah! Does that mean Humans Are Getting Smarter? Sure couldn't hurt.
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GOODBYE, PONTIAC: It's gotta be a total bummer to be anywhere near Detroit, Michigan, these days. GM is having to lay more people off, sell off their stock cheap, trade off their stock to the federal government, recycle all the cans, bottles and other beverage containers their employees drank from on their breaks; heck, they've probably had to steal copper tubing from their facilities and cash it in, anything to prove that they Are Effectively Restructuring. Right now, GM is living on $15.4 BILLION dollars previously doled out by Uncle Sam. And GM wants more federal money. Can you even imagine what a billion dollars looks like? I imagine if you stretched out $1.00 bills end to end, the cash trail could probably go to the (former planet) Pluto and back. And now I understand there will be No More Pontiac in a coupla years. Yeppers, Pontiacs will go the way of the Edsel. (Just for the record, I think Edsels are cool.) Elsewhere I've read that the Saturn Car Company might get sold off...and Chrysler might end up merging with Fiat in order to survive. How ironic is that? A domestic car maker having to merge with a foreign car company to show Our Domestic Government that it's re-structured enough to obtain more Domestic Federal Dollars, some of which will end up in the foreign car-maker Fiat's hands.
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THE ECONOMY AND PAUL McCARTNEY: I read All About It on a website (you can get there by clicking the little "Beatles News" box posted in the left margin). The Slumping World Economy has resulted in Losses among The Financially Elite. McCartney and others with similar fame and moolah have evidently lost Hundreds Of Thousands--or millions-- of Dollars, 'cos he's got his moolah sequestered in Some Financial Institution Somewhere. I really care about this, and ladies and gentlemen, Paul McCartney Needs Our Help. Go out right now and buy multiple copies of everything he's ever recorded; he needs the money to exist while he does rich-people-things such as: Paul has written a letter to the amply-endowed-enhanced actress Pamela Anderson (the 'Baywatch' babe), 'cos he, Paul is into Animal Rights and so is Pamela, and Paul wants Pamela to take her message to the people more often. Rich folks do stuff like that...they issue protests and proclamations, and support their favorite causes. I guess it makes them feel good. Anyway, us poor folks need to save the Animals, and We need to be told that by Great Big Stars. It's a good thing Pamela Anderson is into Animal Rights, since in order to make a fur coat that she could Actually Wrap Around Her Upper Body, you'd almost need something the equivalent of a Baby Elephant's hide. Only with Fur.
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In the above photo, Paul McCartney is seen with the newest version of his Animal Rights Campaign, which involves him Totally Boycotting Shoes Of Any Kind. Plastic shoes pollute the landfills, after all. Leather Shoes involve the Killing Of Animals, and Shoes made from Khaki, Cotton-Weave or whatever else involve the Killing Of Plants, which Animals Feed Upon. Paul has yet to tell Animals not to Eat Plants, though. I just hope Paul's got his foot-callouses built up. We first saw this side of Paul McCartney in 1969:
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Paul was Shoeless even then. Sure, he had to wear the obligatory Beatle Boots for their concert performances, but it was Paul's decision to quit touring... He felt so guilty, wearing those Leather Beatle-Boots. Most people don't know that The Abbey Road album cover gave Paul a chance to make a worldwide statement about his Big Shoe Boycott. During the cover shoot, a passerby offered McCartney a pair of rubber flip-flops so his feet would be protected from the Hot Pavement, but Paul just couldn't accept'em. Obviously he was worried about the fate of Rubber-Tree Plants in the Amazon jungle. Stick to yer guns, Paul!
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A little side-note: The Beatles weren't the only Famous Group to cross Abbey Road...here's another fearsome foursome...with a shoeless member, obviously a rebel...
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Blogger's Disclaimer: Some portions of this post have been Fabricated. Some other portions of this post are Outright Lies. It's up to you, how much you believe. On the other hand, if yer gonna tell a lie, you might as well tell a Whopper...

THE GREAT CRISPY POTATO-CHIP FACE-OFF...
...obviously the biggest thing to hit Britain since Guy Fawkes Day!
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'Guy Fawkes day' commemorates the life and times of Mr. Fawkes, who tried to bomb the Houses of Parliament in England quite some time ago, and he failed miserably. His bomb was a dud. But the British, from what I've read, actually observe a "Guy Fawkes" day. Anyway, a British potato-chip maker, 'Walkers'', has currently unleashed six Radically Different Flavors that you'd never expect to find on a potato-chip. (Called "Crisps" across the pond.) Well, I recently received a box of goodies ('scrummies'), which included these Most Bizarre Potato Chips I've ever tasted. Now, I'm no food critic, although I've eaten my share of gut-rotting, bad-for-you, polyunsaturated-fat laden Potato Residue over the years. I haven't eaten 'em in years, but for this, I decided to dust off my taste-buds and sort all this out. Let's see, I should have some Maalox around here somewhere...oh, my poor stomach...
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Anyhow, I have tried to systematically, coldly, and logically, evaluate these Really Weird Potato Chips in a Formatted Scenario:
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*THE BOLD PRINT indicates the flavor...
*The light italics actually quotes the backs of the bags,
*and this Regular Old Type details my reaction.

What more could you want, other than maybe a Pint or a Gallon of something to wash them down with...? Anyway, here's my ratings, and you're welcome to them...
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1. BUILDERS' BREAKFAST flavor: "Combining the mouth-watering flavours of bacon, buttered toast, eggs and tomato sauce, there's Mortar Emma's Crisps than Meets The Eye! (From Emma in Belper, who came up with this flavour blend.)"
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Light and Crispy, but fairly bizarre nontheless. My mouth began watering for that seductive tang sensation from Barbecue Chips, only something went wrong, and all of the flavour fell flat, sorta like the 'butter' from the toast melted and dripped into the frying pan, after the eggs were fried. The resulting grease would've tasted a lot like These Potato Chips...ack ack aaack...
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2. CHILLI & CHOCOLATE flavour: (Yes, 'Chilli' is indeed spelt with 2 L's on the bag.) "Catherine in High Wyncombe evidently created this concoction, which is described on the bag as "Spicy Heat with a Dark Cocoa kick! Sounds crazy, but is so TASTY! What more do you want from a bag of crisps?"
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They're crunchy, they're spicy...but what's going on here? If this is the flavour of Chilli, then it's the Chilli that's burned from being on the stove too long, but not wanting to be wasteful, you scraped the chilli shavings from the bottom of the pot, and that's what these chips taste like. Burned 'something' with a crunch. Almost like eating hot roofing shingles...I say 'hot' roofing singles, 'cos these weird chips burned my tongue. I've been thinking about these chips and the lasting impression they left on my taste buds, and I've come to one conclusion...If I was forced to eat Flaming Charcoal, I wouldn't be surprised if it tasted like these Chilli and Chocolate crisps. When I ate these, the first thing that came to mind was the planet Venus, where it's over 700 degrees (F) on the surface, where it rains Sulfuric Acid. Ack.
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Walkers' Chilli and Chocolate Crisps. Eat 'em at your own risk...they're HARSH!


3. CAJUN SQUIRREL flavor: "Martyn in Hednesford's taste for the exotic led him to come up with this mild Cajun Flavour!" (From what I can tell, no squirrels were harmed in the making of this Crisp...)
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Though I used to live in Idaho, I've never tasted squirrel, so I've got nothing to compare these chips to. The flavor is subtle, even delicate, without the greasy-goooey taste of the Builders' Breakfast variety I wrote about above. In fact, there is almost no flavour to this variety at all, other than a weak sort-of-vinegar taste...and you know we all can never get enough vinegar in our diets...

I felt I had to include a photo of the 'Cajun Squirrel' crisps because like me, you probably didn't know such a flavor could exist in the wide, wonderful realm of snack food.

4. CRISPY DUCK & HOISON flavor: Vicky in Northwich's sweet & tangy sensation could lead to a new Chinese Proverb, "Man with bag of Walkers' Crispy Duck and Hoison flavor crisps has many hungry friends!"

First of all, that's "Hoison", not "Poison". "Hoisin" is a sauce that is liberally sprinkled on Chicken served in 'Chinky Restaurants', or so I was told by the British Lady who sent me these Crisps. Do I detect the taste of Pineapple here? This is, so far, the best flavour I've had the opportunity to sample. It's light, airy, breezy, although I'm not too sure how I react to the words "Duck and Hoisin" when they're on a Potato Chip Bag...

5. FISH AND CHIPS flavor: With millions of us enjoying this national favourite, "Jane in Sheffield" knew that Fish and Chips flavour crisps with a vinegary hint would be sure to catch on!

These chips DO taste like fish with lemon squeezed over it (or immersed in Tartar Sauce), like you'd find in a fish basket at your local Seafood Restaurant. How did they do that? This is a case where the British have brought it all together; to wit: They've grafted the flavour of 'Fish and Chips' on to what We in the States call Potato Chips, which are actually called "Crisps" over there. So this is a case (bear with me here) of a British 'Crisp' flavour actually being transferred to what we'd call Potato Chips. So, I've just eaten a bag of 'Fish and Chips' Chips. What the British call chips are actually what we'd call French Fries. So maybe it's possible to go to England and order "Curly Chips", the same way we order Curly Fries over here? Okay, I'm waaay too confused to continue this...

6. ONION BHAJI flavor: Carole in Durham is confident that her favourite, mildly-spicy, curry-house accompaniment can bhaji its way into the lead and tikka all of the nation's boxes! (What are these Brits on about, anyway? Bhaji? Tikka? Huh? We're still speaking English, aren't we...?)

This flavor actually comes close to the 'Regular Flavor' "Doritos" chips are sold Here In The States. You can tell I'm a dedicated chip-eater, huh? I know almost all the Potato and Other Chip flavors by heart. (For the British, "Doritos" are Tortilla Chips...excuse me, Tortilla CRISPS...) Anyway, these Onion Bhaji chips are very good; spicy without burning your tongue off (see "Chilli and Chocolate" crisps, above...) However, I think we're far ahead of the British in this regard..."Funyuns", which have been out for years in the States, capture the taste of Onions, and each Funyun 'Chip' (Crisp?) is actually shaped like a Fried Onion Ring.

IN CONCLUSION HERE, I purposely sampled the most Drastic flavors a couple of days ago, leaving the more 'conventional' flavors for today. The six flavours discussed here are supposed to be Voted On via text message by May 1st, and only One of these Flavours will Continue to be offered to the public on an ongoing basis. I'm kinda thinking the 'Chilli and Chocolate' crisps ain't gonna be the winner...But, when I consider that George W. Bush was elected as President of our great nation, not once but TWICE, I guess anything's possible...

All that's left now, is to determine The Worst Flavor of Potato Chip (Crisp) Ever Made. I've narrowed it down to two choices...the "Chilli and Chocolate" chips, which I still find undescribably vicious to taste buds everywhere, and the taste of the crisps in this next bag...

7: MARMITE CRISPS...ulp...Can there really BE such a thing? Oh my gosh. I haven't had a chance to sample these (tasty?) morsels, so I can't really make an Informed Judgment, but when has that ever stopped me...

I recently tasted Marmite for the first time...Marmite itself is a sticky, dark gooey blend of Yeast Extract, Yeast Extract and More Yeast Extract. The little container I've got is 8g. That's 8 Grams. And it tastes, well, Awful. (I've just re-sampled it to make sure...) It's like Castor Oil On Steroids. A case where consuming 8 grams of something is akin to taking a bite out of the typical Grease Trap in a restaurant. So what would a Marmite-flavored 'Crisp' taste like? Certainly no worse than the 'Chilli and Chocolate' variety, right? I've got an idea...let's get a container, throw in some Marmite Crisps together with some Chilli and Chocolate crisps, and launch the sealed container like a hand grenade...maybe it'll explode upon impact? BOOM!!! By the way, The Marmite Crisps are evidently a mainstay item in Jolly Olde England, and as such, are not a 'contestant' in the Great Crisp Contest. So they don't count.

The Marmite Breadsticks I sampled recently weren't bad; perhaps the same holds true for the Marmite Crisps. If you ever find a container of sticky, gooey Marmite, and you don't like its taste, don't fret...you can always use it for Spackle!

WHEN IS FAST FOOD NOT FAST FOOD?

...I do think the Madison Avenue ad-forces are messin' with me here...

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Have you seen the newest "Wendy's" drive-in commercials? They're selling their latest product, whatever that is, and at the end, you hear, "It's Way Better Than Fast Food; It's WENDY'S!" Screeeech. Whoa, boy...hang on thar jes' a minute. Wendy's has a Dollar Menu. Wendy's has a Drive-Thru Window. Wendy's serves up Hamburgers. Wendy's features minimum-wage employees in funky-looking uniforms and visors. Wendy's calls out your number when your order is ready. Wendy's requires you to pay before you get served. Wendy's makes you pour your own soft drinks. Wendy's serves its food, on average, in a Minute and a half. Geeze. I mean, that sure sounds like a Fast-Food Place to Me. Just because they have some sort of Deluxe Sandwich which features pasted-together Chicken Parts or whatever cannot enable Wendy's to escape the Stigma of being a Fast Food Place. Sorry, Wendy's...your advertising logic didn't score with me here.

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Another chain, "Long John Silver's" serves up Seafood. One of their commercials runs along the lines of, "So Ya Want Lobster, but you think it's too expensive? Try our 'Lobster Poppers' (or whatever their product is called). Now here's the part I don't get...first, a nicely dressed couple is seated in a deluxe restaurant. But, Oh My Gosh, the menu's Prices are too high! Then the commercial crossfades into the same couple, seated in "Long John Silvers", settling for those hard-plastic seats with not enough space for you to sit behind the table comfortably, and the part I REALLY don't get is, She is Really Classy, obviously not the kind of lady who would be content eating in a (well, I've got to say it) Fast-Food Restaurant. Uh, Sorry, Charlie. I don't think that's what you do. If the couple's already married, well, I can see that. You're past the point of making False Impressions You Cannot Live Up To. So You Settle. For "Fast-food".

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I think if you wanna do the fast-food thing, the best place to go is some sort of Taco Place. You know, like "Taco Bombs" (Taco John's) or "Taco Hell" (Taco Bell). At the local Taco Bell, though, the clerks have no personality; they're always under a rush, no one smiles and order numbers are screamed out incessantly through the speaker system. That Just Fries My Skull. So lately, I've been "settling" for the Drive-Thru Window. That way I can take my Greasy Fast Food and Go Eat It Somewhere, anywhere, at a place that doesn't agitate me.

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I care about the people, such as yourself, who come to this blogsite and try to figure out if there's any purpose in being here, because my rantings and ravings are so consistently nonsensical. And because I'm grateful to all 3 of my faithful readers, your reward for being such a diligent and self-sacrificing readership is some Eye Candy...a coupla photos for you; hope you enjoy...

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Taken at a local park, I noticed this one seagull acting very peculiarly...it would launch itself off the water, and then take a nose dive. The pond is man-made, only several inches deep, so Mr. Seagull was probably dining on pond scum lurking on the bottom. Blech. Ack. But every time it came up, it was chewing on something, so it must have known something that I didn't. All I can say is, "Eat Hearty". Pond scum? Maybe it's nutritious, but no thanks...

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No, this isn't the Helicopter From Hell...all day long, this Coast Guard Chopper had been performing manuevers with a Coast Guard Boat (not in this photo). What we have here is a case of Fog On The Coast. The air over the sea is colder than the air over the land, and where they collide, There Would Be Fog. Go inland a couple miles and you can get sunburned. On days when land and sea temps are closer, then there's no fog. Anyway, the fog acts like a filter, so You Can Look At The Sun and say, "nyaaah! nyaaah! You Can't Blind Me!"
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I've posted more photo atrocities at http://www.webshots.com/, under the name 'digitaldave72'. That is where you can see The World According To Me. It's a pretty warped place. But it's not very dangerous. No Pond Scum was harmed during the Posting Of This Post.

MORE EXCELLENT ADVENTURES in PICTURE-TAKING...
...Or, Random Exercises in Digital Camera madness, part 86:
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As you can see, my blogsite still isn't letting me change type sizes for the subject line, which, in order to be an all-pervasive, attention-getting, sensationalist-type pandering, needs HUGE PRINT IN THE SUBJECT LINE (can you hear me, dear folks at Blogger.Com?)!!! But since that option isn't available to me, I've just gotta plod, tromp, stomp along the best I can. I've explored enough ear-bending, earth-shattering sensationalist-type topics this week already, so I'm thinkin', let's just do a simple, non-controversial-type post with a lot of Pictures. This post will go down smoother than Aunt Jemima's Pancake Syrup...mmmm...
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When the Sun's out in these parts, that's Ma Nature's way of saying "GET OFF YER (censored), AND GIT OUTSIDE. THIS MAY BE YER ONLY CHANCE FOR THE NEXT SIX WEEKS!!!" So that's what I did. Made sure I had enough camera batteries, and off I did go for yet another Venturous Voyage. The Sun hadn't been out for oh, so long, but Out It Was Today. Somehow the photos included here ended up in Reverse order, but since it's late, and I'm tired, well, I'm just going to present 'em as they ended up in this here post. So here goes...
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The top photo shows Sunset Approaching on Saturday Evening, 4/18. Below that photo, the Sun sinks lower, but being obscured by clouds, its image is rather nebulous, not sharp, or defined, but it's there, believe me. The tides seemed to calm down as Sunset approached. It's usually about this time of day that the Commercial Fishing Boats scurry in, trying to get to harbor while there's still some light, but not a lot of boats were out today. There were lots of folks on the beach and climbing all over the jetties today...I wonder how many of them were fishermen who thot today was just too nice to head out to sea...
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I've taken so many photos from this same general area that you're probably getting tired of the Same Old Views, although an attempt is made at some semblance of variety. The top photo is a shot that literally made itself; as I aimed the camera, those people walked into the picture. Cool, huh? Below that, The Loneliest Rider lets his mighty steed gallop into the Sunset along the beach. And so another day is done, in the books, and is gone forever. So I captured a piece of it for posterity.
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But, you must be really wondering, do I actually take pictures anywhere else? Or do I just post thousands of photos of the same 6-mile strip of coastline near where I live hoping you won't succumb to mindless burnout caused by seeing the same thing over and over and over? Well, folks, This Is Your Lucky Day, because a couple of weeks ago, I had to go to Bandon, a small town 25 miles south of here, and I'm gonna have to go back there again and spend some more time...I mean, look at these views...first, looking south, then north, and you, too, will marvel at all the Sea Stacks (great big rocks) which litter the coastline there...feast your eyes, folks...
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Finally, from the Theater of the Absurd, one last photo which answers an age-old question: You've seen that warning which is printed on rearview mirrors in which you're advised that "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear". Is that true? Or are they just saying that? If the photo below is to believed, this Warning is Indeed Valid. And since I can waste all kinds of time taking ridiculous photos due to Rechargable Camera Batteries and Not Having To Buy Film, I decided to try this photo experiment which Actually Worked...
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Those trees (at Bastendorff Beach Overlook) do look like they're so close that I'd 'back' into them if I wasn't careful, but indeed they're waay back there. Still, if someone's tailgating me that closely, I'm either gonna speed up, or more likely, slow down and pull over to the shoulder of the road if they wanna get past me that badly. Which reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw which read: "Speed On, Brother, Hell Ain't Half Full."
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Look for more 'elsewhere' Oregon Coast Photos in the near future here on Your Favorite Blogsite. I've got this itch to zip up and down the coast, especially as more Sunny Days creep into the weather forecast.

WHEN YOUR CAMERA DOES THIS...

...It Can't Be A Good Thing...

My little Canon 'Powershot' camera has been a really good little soldier; managing to take some great-looking photos in spite of the fact that I am probably always trying to get the Camera to do more than it is capable of. You might have seen my recent post with the little Baby Sea-Lion, among other ocean-oriented views. When I got the camera home that night, and turned it on to upload photos, I saw THIS on the camera's screen and thot, "What The (CENSORED)?"

It could still TAKE photos and upload 'em, but it couldn't display them. I have no idea how this happened. I was told something in the screen got broken. But unless I accidentally sat on the camera (which is possible, I guess), it's a mystery to me how it fizzed out on me like this. I must be an unconscious Camera Abuser, which is all the worse because I don't know when I'm mistreating the camera while I'm mistreating it. So you're wondering, "how did you get a photo of your camera?" Well, Payday arrived, and I just went out and got another one. I wear a sweater-coat with deep pockets where I place the camera when I'm not using it on beach walks, and it's entirely possible I sat on my coat (and camera) at one point. It worked right after I took that Seal photo, 'cos I could see it on the display screen, but nothing, nada, zilch, zip, when I got the camera home. But, anyway, I put my new camera to work today...

At above left, you can see a shot of Coos Bay, with the Tioga Hotel which dominates the city's skyline. I'll bet the Tioga is one of the tallest, if not The Tallest, buildings in this part of the state. The photo was taken from high atop Telegraph Hill (yep, we've got one of those, too, San Francisco!), and the photo at right is the Tioga from a closer point of view. It's an old building, probably dating from 1910 or thereabouts.

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And now that you've seen some photos, here are some OTHER PHOTOS:

That isn't a lake you see here; it's both sides of Coos Bay, which is a big estuary where salt and fresh water meet. At left, you can see a couple of boats hanging out on the East Shore of the eastern portion of the bay, and at right, you can see East shore of the West portion of the bay. Like San Francisco, North Bend and Coos Bay pretty-much occupy a peninsula with water on either side. And you know something? When the Sun's out, it's Almost Like Heaven here. That's when the sun is out, and hopefully we're moving out of the cloudy/rainy season as I type this.

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Some Updates On Other Stuff:

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*COFFEE DRINKING: I posted recently that I was Quitting Caffeine. Unfortunately, Caffeine wouldn't let me. But, other than the weak coffee I have every morning, I am no longer drinking Pepsi or any other caffeinated sodas. I need my carbonation, so I'm doing Root Beer or Creme Soda. It's been a week now since I initiated my Caffein Reduction, and I'm feeling a little more relaxed, and actually tired, in the evenings, which I see as progress. That is, as long as I don't fall asleep mid-song when I'm playing guitar. Basically, I'm nowhere as jittery as I've been, which hopefully will help me in social situations. I had to do something. And hopefully things will get even better as time goes on. I couldn't quit caffeine 'cold turkey', but I've cut it waaay back. So far, it seems to be working.

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*SEATTLE MARINERS: They say You Can Never Go Home Again. But Ken Griffey, Jr. has come back to Seattle, and has pretty-much picked up where he left off. He hit his 400th Seattle Mariner home-run, and I hope all his team-mates, Ichiro included, appreciate what it's like to be on the same team as one of Baseball's Great Players. Speaking of Ichiro...he hit a Grand Slam tonight. Maybe Ichiro will turn on the Consistent Home Run Power he's supposed to have now that Griffey's on the Team. One 'jinx' pitcher from last year's devastating season, Miguel Batista, gave up a bunch of hits and runs, and manager Don Yakamutso actually took Batista OUT before any more damage was done. I'm gonna have to get Used To This. Good managerial decisions? Cohesive hitting? And Even Enthusiasm? Heart, be still....I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF!!! THE MARINERS HAVE WON SIX IN A ROW! THEY'RE IN FIRST PLACE!!! WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!

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*MADDENING COMMERCIALS: One of the Major Pain-Medication outfits (can't remember the brand) is sporting a couple of TV commercials that really bug me. In one, a 40-ish lady who plays Badminton (who the hell plays THAT anymore?) had knee pain, and her doctor advised her to quit playing, but she didn't want to hear that. So she disobeyed her doctor, and she takes her Pain-Meds and all is well. She can now play 27 games of Badminton in a Single Day! In another commercial, a weird-looking guy who sez he's Bowled for Eons says the Pain-Med takes away all his pain. Hallelujah. What's rather wrongheaded about these commercials, is that while the Pain-Meds may indeed be effective, that doesn't mean their joints aren't still getting damaged by repetitive motion. The Pain-Meds just 'postpone' the pain, 'tis all. The joint damage is Still Continuing; you just don't feel the pain. I mean, if the dentist injects enough Novocaine, you could eat NAILS and not feel any gum pain. I used to be a runner who would pre-medicate before runs. I ran my joints into the ground over the years. I would advise these people to either play their sports in Moderation, and maybe not do those sports at all if X-rays show significant joint damage. If I had it to do all over again, I would've run less often and would've run shorter distances more often. Oh well. I can still walk.

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I'M STILL STUCK WITH SMALL TYPE: Evidently, "Blogger.com", the God of Internet Blogging, is going to do some much-needed maintenance soon. I HOPE SO! I still can't type headlines in type larger than what you're reading now, although I can still type in 'bold' if I need to. Well, you get what you paid for, right? And "Blogger.com" is free. So you know what that's worth. If and when it gets fixed, I'll re-type the Subject Lines in a larger size. And my advice to "Blogger.Com"? "GET WITH IT, YOU GUYS!!!"

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I THINK I KNOW HOW SMOKERS GET HOOKED: Sometimes, after I remove my dentures for the night, my mouth feels kinda Gunky. (Too much information, right?) To relieve that, I've taken to using Mint Lozenges so my mouth won't taste like Pond Sludge. The Menthol in the Mints works wonders. And I think I'm getting hooked. It's that Menthol thing. I remember my parents smoking Menthol cigarettes for The Aroma, The Taste, The Low Tar and Nicotine, the freshness and zestiness of mounting your steed in Marlboro Country, sucking in that cigarette smoke and Tasting The Great Outdoors, and all the other propaganda which the Cigarette Manufacturers still spout to this day in whatever form they can get away with. So is there a chapter of "Minteaters Anonymous" where I can attend meetings? Help! I'm addicted!

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LIVE LONG AND PROSPER...OR NOT: I read something in the newspaper a couple of weeks ago that I'm still Attempting To Process. It was an article that basically said Americans who live to be a ripe old age are actually tasking the system, by needing all kinds of health-care after they've long outlived their usefulness. Huh? What? Aren't we supposed to take care of ourselves so we can survive? Does this mean now that we all should patriotically Die Early for our country, leaving health care for younger people, who maybe can contribute again after they become infirmed? The article was based on all kinds of surveys. I thought the idea was to Live As Long As One Can. Gosh, far be it for me to be Old and In The Way. This just goes to show that there Really Are Two (or more) sides to Each Issue, and that a lot more Things are Issues than we think. I'll betcha some Yuppie put that article together.

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Can I stop now? Have I written enough? Looking back over all of this, there's enough for 2 or 3 separate posts, but hey, what can I say, I was on a roll. Most blogs strive for quality; heck, sheer quantity is enough for me. Obviously.

PHIL SPECTOR PRODUCES ANOTHER ALBUM...
...only this time around, it's his Criminal Record...

Blogger's note: For some reason, the controls on this blog page won't let me change the typesize! That's why the introductory Blog-Topic title shrunk in the wash. Hopefully the Blog Provider can address this issue sometime before Computers Go Obsolete...

It looks like famous "wall-of-sound" producer Phil Spector is going to jail. Another case where a gun was involved. Phil's had a rather wacko personality all his life, and he's had a thing for guns as well. Let's see...'wacko personality'...'guns'...that's quite a volatile combination, and sums a lot of gun-toters' passion for the Right To Keep And Bear Arms so that more and more people around the country can be needlessly Shot To Death. Phil evidently shot B-movie actress Lana Clarkson at the tail end of one of his Big House Parties. Phil didn't like to be left alone, and Lana wanted to go. Another case of a situation resolved with a BANG. And it's off to prison he's going, perhaps to serve the rest of his life.

Phil Spector is famous for his megalomanic "Wall Of Sound" productions. 'What's that?', you ask. Well, if a song called for two acoustic guitar players, he'd bring in twenty-three of them. If a background singer was needed, he'd bring in a busload of 'em. You get the idea. Phil produced all of those sparkling songs by the Crystals, The Ronettes, The Righteous Brothers and others, and immortal those songs are. No one instrument stands out in those recordings; how can that happen when you've got enough musicians in one recording studio to fill up half of the Grand Canyon from top to bottom? You can hear many of the great songs he produced in the early '60s on this compilation; it's loaded with a lot of the great music he and artists who he produced made, So Very Long Ago...



He was after a 'big' sound, and he got it, all right. His records boomed out of the radio speakers, and he did create a whole lot of rock and roll classics. Later on, he produced "Let It Be" for the Beatles, in which he took a whole bunch of tune-fragments and made a decent album out of it; he also produced a couple of John Lennon albums, and he produced George Harrison's magnificent "All Things Must Pass" album, one of my favorite-ever records. I guess later on, he even produced The Ramones' album, "End of the Century", and Leonard Cohen's "Death Of A Ladies' Man", so he kept himself busy here and there in later years.

Everyone seems to talk about Phil's Great Big Production Failure, namely his efforts on Ike and Tina Turner's "River Deep, Mountain High" single, back in the late '60s. Phil got all mad, sulked, and then removed himself from the music scene after the record flopped. I've read things from other writers, saying how this record is One Of Rock's Underrated Classics. This is where I differ. Phil overproduced that record so drastically that it basically sounds like MUSH. I've heard the record, and it's got no punch, no drive, and sounds like it was recorded in someone's basement. I'm sure there are hundreds of instruments on the record, but the record just dies; it's a case where the fabled "Wall Of Sound" became an impenetrable underground fortress. I'm sorry; for me, it's not a good record. It just ISN'T. It didn't have a chance.

The other big Phil Spector production controversy involves The Beatles' "Long And Winding Road". Phil literally BURIED the song in violins, dubbed on after the fact. I read a book that was written about Spector during the time when he got ultra-famous for producing The Beatles, as well as Lennon and Harrison in the Early '70s. Spector said that he knew "Long and Winding Road" was going to the Beatles' last single, so he wanted to make it sound as Beautiful as he could. And really, he did manage that, although Beatles purists were in shock...an Orchestra and Choir on a Beatles record? Oh my gawrsh...even though Paul McCartney was angry that Spector treated his song that way, McCartney himself has recorded the song with an Orchestra Backup, on the soundtrack of his movie, "Give My Regards To Broad Street".

So anyway, Phil Spector is going off to prison. He may not achieve the "Wall of Sound" there, although he'll have plenty of walls around him. All for the pulling of a trigger. Bang. And even if he wasn't going to prison for murder, he should at least have gotten cited for Contempt of Court for appearing in Court, looking like this, at his Grand Jury event a couple of years ago...

Mr. Spector is obviously thinking, "if I look like a PIN CUSHION, maybe the Jurors won't think I'm so Dangerous. Either that, or the Judge will think I'm Too Insane to be tried on anything." File those in the "Great Ideas that Didn't Work" folder...

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Another Big News Story is happening up in Spokane, Washington, where squirrels are becoming a Public Enemy Number One. I didn't know they could wreak all that havoc; all they're trying to do, after all, is put away enough food for next winter, but times are gettin' tough out there, and there are those in our midst who don't want Squirrels around. And, so, the powers that be have dictated that We Want No More Squirrels In Our Midst; Blast 'em out if you have to! And it came to pass that War has been Declared on the Mighty Squirrel, whom you should never underestimate...



So ain't that a kick? First I come down hard on Phil Spector and all the loony-bin cases around the country who can't get enough of guns, then I turn around and show a Squirrel with a Bazooka. Kinda reminds me of an old joke: "What's Black and Dangerous and Lives in a Tree?" "A Crow With A Machine Gun!"

I guess it's a British thing...

A Yankee Doodle's Initial Reaction to MARMITE...

I recently was the recipient of a small "Care Package" from one of my internet buddies, an English Lass who is known to all of us (and indeed, the world and the entire Universe) as "Marmitetoasty". For the longest time, I wondered what "Marmite" was; maybe a meat by-product derived from raised-in-captivity Marmots, for instance? Nope, I couldn't have been more off-base...Marmite is actually YEAST EXTRACT. (I can tell your taste buds are activated by just having found that out.) I'll Repeat: Yeast Extract. I imagine that Marmite is actually Very Good For You; it's full of all kinds of nourishing things, but like a lot of things that are good for you...well, you know, like Cod Liver Oil or Molasses out of the bottle...well, you get the idea...

In my little "Care Package" was one of the small heart-shaped containers of Marmite, seen above left. And I thot, 'how is that small package supposed to last long enough for me to get my fill?' And right away, I found out. It's gonna take me a while to finish that off. As you can see above right, Marmite is a thick oozy liquid with a thickness similar to Pancake Syrup that's been on the shelf for a couple of years, and it tastes like a 50-50 mix of Barbecue Sauce and 20-weight Motor Oil. Although there are people in our world who really love this stuff, even the company that manufactures it has accepted that Marmite isn't everyone's cup of tea; it's ads even say that you'll either Love or Hate it. Yep, no such thing an understated reaction to Marmite, for sure.

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If you're intrigued with all of this, and you're excitedly thinking to yourself, "Is there More?", well, yes there is. Marmite Is Here To Stay. How do I know that? Well, it turns out that Marmite has achieved a sort-of off-base popularity in various places in the world which evidently has manifested itself in other Marmite-derived products out there for you to enjoy (or not). You don't have to settle for just Ordinary Marmite and nothing more, no sir...may I humbly present, Marmite Breadsticks, and if you think Marmite's Great, you'll think Marmite Breadsticks are the greatest thing since Sliced Tofu...

That's right, Marmite Yeast Extract Breadsticks provides you with a crunchy way to enjoy your marmite. By themselves, these breadsticks taste not unlike Cheese Nips, one of my most favorite snacks; by themselves, they're pretty good. In the bag pictured above, there's about 20 sticks, each about an inch long and roughly the diameter of a pencil. Now, I realize most assumptions I make are just wrong, but looking at the marmite container and the little marmite breadsticks, it just seemed natural to assume that one should dip the breadstick into the marmite, and that I did...and that's how I came to taste the Marmite. And that's when my taste buds hit "TILT"...alarm bells went off in my brain, and all of a sudden that little teeny container of Marmite assumed Epic proportions. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get all the way thru it. It's an 8-gram container, which means I have about 6.5 grams yet to consume.

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Remember that old TV ad for Brylcreem, the Gunk that was designed for the Male scalp? It was supposed to nutrify your hair and make it look real good; Brylcreem wasn't "greasy kid stuff", after all. Well, I do believe that the same advertising slogan used in those Brylcreem commercials could also be adapted for the promotion of Marmite, and that slogan is "A little dab'll do ya". More than accurate, for I had a little dab of Marmite and it almost Put Me Away. The Marmite manufacturers, however, have expanded their product line. After all, Marmite is widely known in England, and I guess the product also has aficionados in New Zealand and Australia. And included in my little "Care Package" was included a container of Marmite "Cheddar Bites" (pictured below).

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I think The Marmite Manufacturers would've been more correct, though, if they'd named the product "Cheddar Nibbles", because that's all I could bear to do; just take a couple of nibbles, and I'm sorry, I really am, but I can't face eating the whole thing. I reclosed the container, and it's still eminating a rather pungent odor, about half an hour after I re-sealed it. The little container measures approximately one and 1/4 inch in diameter. Am I going to try and finish it off? I might as well try to eat a pound of uncooked Beef Brains...I just can't deal with -it...aughhhhhhh...

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Thankfully, inside the "Care Package" I received from Mizz Marmite, were also included some very fine Chocolates, and today I had Chocolate for Lunch, Afternoon Snack, and I'm even thinking about having Chocolate for Dinner, although if I did that, I'd have to wonder what I'd have for dessert...Marmite, maybe? Ack Ack ACK ACK AAAAAAAAAAAAACK! In addition to the Marmite and the Chocolates in the package I received, are also included a number of different 'experimentally-flavored' packages of "Crisps", which I assume is the British term for "Potato Chips". Among the flavors are Cajun Squirrel (!), Chili & Chocolate (!!), Fish & Chips, Crispy Duck & Holsein (Quack!), and Onion Bhaji (huh?). I double-checked, tho; no Marmite-flavored Chips anywhere in sight. Whew...

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Earlier this week, before receiving my 'care package', I'd gone shopping and bought a bottle of extra-concentrated "Tums" antacid tablets. Talk about timing! That'll come in handy, especially after I consume the Chili and Chocolate flavored Crisps.

The Beatles, Remastered...
Is it really necessary, if you already have everything?

Come This September, more specifically, the day of, 9/09/09 (oooh, shades of 'number nine, number nine, number nine...'), a whole new slew of Beatles albums is supposed to hit the market, and Paul McCartney will be adding to his Millions by doing nothing whatsoever, and Ringo will get a fresh cash injection so he won't end up losing his mansion or jetsetting lifestyle. "The Beatles Remastered". Lately, I've read various writings about this, in which an audio expert decries the Beatles' recording output as currently behind the times, because it hasn't been remastered. In short, the currently available CDs of the original Beatles' studio albums are out-of-date. Neanderthal, even.

Look, I collect Beatles' records. But beginning with the two CD sets of 'The Capitol Albums' which came out 2 or 3 years ago, I Stopped Buying Beatles' reissues, no matter how essential I'm supposed to be led to believe they are. The Capitol Beatles' albums featured different song lineups than their original U.K. albums, and it was thought that American Consumers Want CD's of the Beatles' Albums They Grew Up With, with the song orders that they were used to hearing when they played their old vinyl LP's. That was the first Beatles' re-issue that I didn't give a second thought to. Nope, don't need 'em, sorry. After all, not only do I have 2 or 3 copies of each U.S. Beatles album, I have all of their English LP's. Oh, yeah, and I have CD's of all their English Albums; you know, those non-remastered CD's that all of a sudden have become so technologically obsolete because they don't have that re-mastered sound, whatever that is...

I've bought newer Beatles' CD's, and hard-to get vinyl of the "Yellow Submarine Songtrack", and "Let It Be (Naked)", the updated version of the 'Let It Be' album which has all of those sugary violins and other post-production flourishes taken off the album, so as to present it in the raw, as was originally conceived All Those Years Ago. I also bought "1", the multi-million-selling Beatles Album that came out in 2001. These albums either featured Different Song Lineups or Drastically re-produced material. After that, though, Apple (The Beatles' Organization) has tried to get me to buy The Same Albums I Already Have. It didn't work with 'The Capitol Albums', and it's sure not gonna work with 'The Beatles Remastered'. I've already got the old, soon-to-be-outdated Beatles' CDs of their U.K. albums, and they sound clear, crisp, and fresh. As far as I'm concerned, you've got to have the ears of a Bat to detect the small, insignificant differences that a Re-Master provides. Maybe the bass is a little louder, maybe there's a bit more treble or equalization present in the songs, but the differences are MINIMAL.

The Last Newer Beatles' Album I got really excited about was "Beatles at the BBC", which featured tons of tracks, about 2/3's of which The Beatles Never Formally Issued On Record 'till then (it came out in 1994). I was really disappointed with all of the "Beatles Anthology" albums, mainly because I'd already heard some of the previously unavailable tracks on bootlegs, and because, the albums were obviously padded with unnecessary stuff like the instrumental versions of "Eleanor Rigby" and "Within You, Without You" along with inferior early takes of songs The Beatles Had Formally Released. I think I've played the "Anthology" albums all the way through no more than TWICE in all the years I've had them in my collection.

I really hate to say it, but The Beatles and their "Apple" organization are really beginning to look like Hucksters here. They've gotta come up with all kinds of groovy new ways of re-marketing Product so they can keep on sellin', sellin', sellin'. The Currently Available Beatles' CD's Stand On Their Own. The original mixes, the original production, the original renderings. I can imagine that if Leonardo Da Vinci were alive in this day and age, he'd perhaps try to photoshop the Mona Lisa? So this is my way of protesting...I will buy no more New Beatles Product unless it consists of Beatles' songs I've never heard before. It's gotta stop somewhere, right? Thing is, when you re-produce something, when you adjust something, it's never quite the same. It's not quite what we heard in the '60s. It's kinda like the Mona Lisa being replicated with random sampling consisting of bits, bytes and nibbles, all spiffy and DIGITAL. Adjusted versions of the originals. Does that make the originals "not originals"? Makes me wonder.
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I'll bet the Beatles old vinyl singles and albums sounded mighty fine on the little unit you see pictured below. It's not high-tech, but it commands a current collectors' value of at least One Thousand Dollars, if not more. To quote the 'White Album', "take me back, where are people, can you take me back..."



yeah, yeah, yeah.................................................

When A Day At The Beach...

...isn't "A Day At The Beach..."

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The weather down here has been absolutely GORGEOUS, at least it was this past weekend, and That Means I Must Go To The Beach. I have a favorite sitting spot, a rock atop the South Jetty at Bastendorff Beach, south of Coos Bay. I've spent hours sitting on that rock, watching the ocean to my left, and watching the turbulence of the collision of outbound Estuary water with incoming Ocean Water. I got some great photos today; perhaps I'll post them later on.

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While I was sitting up there, a group of young kids, obviously buzzed on beer (or other favorite substances), climbed on top of the jetty, shouting, gesturing and shouting and having a regular ol' good time. They were celebrating the birthday of one of the guys, who Is Now The Ripe Old Age Of 19. I remember being 19, back in the Stone Age! Anyway, they were college kids, out for a weekend's frolicking, and, well, the beach is a great place to frolic. And frolick they did as I watched them manuever, some of them BAREFOOT, on the jetty rocks, teetering above the water...ee-yikes, I don't think my sense of balance was ever that good. To make a long story short (or the other way around), about 45 minutes after that, I climbed off the jetty; them rocks ain't exactly the cushiest things to sit on. Walking back down the beach towards my car, I noticed a group of Human Beings up ahead of me, and when I got there, they were trying to figure out a way to help this little guy...

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There he was, all confused, a sea lion 'pup', following a tire track in sand, poor little guy. The tide had been out for quite a while, and it evidently swam in too close, or maybe was overwhelmed by the waves, or maybe just lost his bearings. Whatever the case, he was close to 50 feet away from the water, disoriented and confused. Now, if you're familiar with Oregon Law, one can face severe charges for disturbing anything pertaining to the beach (well, not sand or seashells, but you get the idea). In short, 'Stay Away from Sea Lions And Other Creatures or you're gonna be in a Heap O'Trouble', saith Oregon Laws.

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Included in the people gathered around the Sea Lion (obviously a 'pup') were the party-hearty college kids I saw before. One of them was teetering, falling-all-over-himself DRUNK. Been there, done that. As the group was gathered around the little Sea Lion, the Really Drunk guy grabbed hold of the pup's back legs, and DRAGGED it into the ocean, and the sea lion swam away. Beforehand, evidently, someone in the group called authorities, and was told, "we'll come out soon and attend to the Sea Lion, don't you worry."

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We had all waited, standing around the pup, trying to give it some shade, while deciding what to do, and the Drunken Kid would not be stopped. Perhaps, in his condition, he mustered up the bravado that the rest of us didn't have. So, what's your call? Wait for the authorities while the sea lion bakes in the sun? Or drag it into the ocean where it belongs, violating all kinds of laws? Maybe the little 'pup' ended up being beached because it was too weak to battle the waves, so maybe all of this is Much Ado About Nothing. Maybe what the Kid did violates The Law, but what good is the law if it means an animal must die on the beach? And finally, would the pup have died on the beach if we'd waited for the authorities who were obviously taking their sweet time responding to this situation?

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I've gotta say that I think The Right Thing was done here. Human compassion for a disadvantaged little creature. Maybe the Sea Lion will live to a ripe old age, or it may end up washed ashore somewhere else. The point is, this obviously inebriated Kid really cared, and did something. As the 'pup' swam away, the Kid and his friends ran down the beach, arms raised to the sky, whooping and hollering. The kid fell on his face a couple of times, but he has a right to be proud. The whole thing underlying all of this is that the Kid, after tomorrow's hangover (and he'll have a BIG hangover) might not remember What He Did Today.

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The last few days, I've been trying to come up with something constructive to put here; I must admit my mind hasn't been the Most Fertile Ground for Original Thought lately. So it's kinda nice when life hands me a situation like this. Instant Blog Material! Oh, and by the way, I don't know names of the people involved, and I took No Pictures of the Seal-dragging incident, so if you're an Oregon Wildlife Law Enforcement Person, it won't do any good trying to contact me...