Wednesday, April 29, 2009

...not especially inspired, but hopefully readable....

Oh my gosh...Wednesday and still no new blog post? All right, I'm on it, we're gonna fix that right now, in spite of the fact that I still can't change the TYPE SIZE in this blog anymore. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I'm nearing 900 posts in this blog, and there's just no more room for large type. Maybe '' is having to downsize and cut back. No more o'them large-size headlines, they're too expensive! Maybe blogger-dot-com needs a bailout?
FROZEN BODY PARTS IN THE FREEZER: (You've gotta admit, that headline's an attention grabber...) Now, hang on thar just a minute, don't get all carried-away on me here. It all has to do with my newly-acquired Lower Permanent Denture, you see. While I've been waiting for that to be done, I wore a temporary lower denture. I kept having to go back to the Denturist to get it fitted properly, which they do by pouring some sort of 'goop' into the denture until, yea, verily, it moldeth perfectly to yer jaw. And wouldn't ya know it, just when I got that to fit, I can't wear it anymore, 'cos now I've gotta wear the permanent one. A permanent Lower Denture is worth approximately ten percent of the National Debt, but never mind that. "Doctor, what do I do with the temporary lower, now that I can't wear it?" Well, my son, get a plastic container, fill it with water and toss your denture in. Then put it in the FREEZER." Just my luck, if I ever have a houseguest (which hasn't happened in three years), he/she will open up the freezer looking for ice cubes and they'll see a set of LOWER TEETH embalmed in ice. And then they'll look at me and increduously shout, "What the hell? Are you some kind of degenerated PRE-VERT?" And then I'll tell them, "No, I'm a post-vert." Although, wait...just a minute...I do have my Two Front Teeth, which were extracted last year, laying around here somewhere...they were pulled just before the Yuletide Holiday, and all of a sudden, the old song, "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" kept piercing and gouging my that's the reason for that. Can we get on with this post, now?
SEAT BELTS IN OREGON: The Oregon House has passed a bill banning the use of hand-held cell-phones by drivers. If this law is passed, use of a hand-held cell-phone would be a Primary Violation, something the County Mounties can pull you over for. The bill would exclude cell-phones that are being used in a hand-less device, or if your front-seat passenger holds the phone up to your mouth while you yack and jabber away. I think the proposed bill is good, as far as it goes. It could go further. After all, it's been proven that cell phones are just as much of a distraction in a handless device, as if you were holding your cellphone, pasted to the side of your cheek, leaving key-impressions in yer skin. The other day, I actually saw a motorist projecting himself on a cell-phone, and he was PARKED. Hallelujah! Does that mean Humans Are Getting Smarter? Sure couldn't hurt.
GOODBYE, PONTIAC: It's gotta be a total bummer to be anywhere near Detroit, Michigan, these days. GM is having to lay more people off, sell off their stock cheap, trade off their stock to the federal government, recycle all the cans, bottles and other beverage containers their employees drank from on their breaks; heck, they've probably had to steal copper tubing from their facilities and cash it in, anything to prove that they Are Effectively Restructuring. Right now, GM is living on $15.4 BILLION dollars previously doled out by Uncle Sam. And GM wants more federal money. Can you even imagine what a billion dollars looks like? I imagine if you stretched out $1.00 bills end to end, the cash trail could probably go to the (former planet) Pluto and back. And now I understand there will be No More Pontiac in a coupla years. Yeppers, Pontiacs will go the way of the Edsel. (Just for the record, I think Edsels are cool.) Elsewhere I've read that the Saturn Car Company might get sold off...and Chrysler might end up merging with Fiat in order to survive. How ironic is that? A domestic car maker having to merge with a foreign car company to show Our Domestic Government that it's re-structured enough to obtain more Domestic Federal Dollars, some of which will end up in the foreign car-maker Fiat's hands.
THE ECONOMY AND PAUL McCARTNEY: I read All About It on a website (you can get there by clicking the little "Beatles News" box posted in the left margin). The Slumping World Economy has resulted in Losses among The Financially Elite. McCartney and others with similar fame and moolah have evidently lost Hundreds Of Thousands--or millions-- of Dollars, 'cos he's got his moolah sequestered in Some Financial Institution Somewhere. I really care about this, and ladies and gentlemen, Paul McCartney Needs Our Help. Go out right now and buy multiple copies of everything he's ever recorded; he needs the money to exist while he does rich-people-things such as: Paul has written a letter to the amply-endowed-enhanced actress Pamela Anderson (the 'Baywatch' babe), 'cos he, Paul is into Animal Rights and so is Pamela, and Paul wants Pamela to take her message to the people more often. Rich folks do stuff like that...they issue protests and proclamations, and support their favorite causes. I guess it makes them feel good. Anyway, us poor folks need to save the Animals, and We need to be told that by Great Big Stars. It's a good thing Pamela Anderson is into Animal Rights, since in order to make a fur coat that she could Actually Wrap Around Her Upper Body, you'd almost need something the equivalent of a Baby Elephant's hide. Only with Fur.

In the above photo, Paul McCartney is seen with the newest version of his Animal Rights Campaign, which involves him Totally Boycotting Shoes Of Any Kind. Plastic shoes pollute the landfills, after all. Leather Shoes involve the Killing Of Animals, and Shoes made from Khaki, Cotton-Weave or whatever else involve the Killing Of Plants, which Animals Feed Upon. Paul has yet to tell Animals not to Eat Plants, though. I just hope Paul's got his foot-callouses built up. We first saw this side of Paul McCartney in 1969:

Paul was Shoeless even then. Sure, he had to wear the obligatory Beatle Boots for their concert performances, but it was Paul's decision to quit touring... He felt so guilty, wearing those Leather Beatle-Boots. Most people don't know that The Abbey Road album cover gave Paul a chance to make a worldwide statement about his Big Shoe Boycott. During the cover shoot, a passerby offered McCartney a pair of rubber flip-flops so his feet would be protected from the Hot Pavement, but Paul just couldn't accept'em. Obviously he was worried about the fate of Rubber-Tree Plants in the Amazon jungle. Stick to yer guns, Paul!
A little side-note: The Beatles weren't the only Famous Group to cross Abbey's another fearsome foursome...with a shoeless member, obviously a rebel...

Blogger's Disclaimer: Some portions of this post have been Fabricated. Some other portions of this post are Outright Lies. It's up to you, how much you believe. On the other hand, if yer gonna tell a lie, you might as well tell a Whopper...


Blogger Word Tosser said...

to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!.... so late as it is.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, D....

12:02 PM  
Blogger some guy who blogs said...

Hi, Cis...I appreciate the thought...glad you remembered. I would've been okay with you not remembering, tho. All these rememberances keep reminding me that I'm getting old!

3:10 PM  
Blogger MarmiteToasty said...

It was your birthday? what? and ya didnt mention it? well dam and bugger....

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY YA OLD GEEZER...... if I was there I would take you out to lunch... dont know if I could bake a cake big enough for that many candles though lol


10:47 PM  
Blogger Lil ol' me... said...

Hey Marmiey...two years after you wrote that Age-related blog-reply, I saw it. And I got news for ya. I'm even more of an old phart than I used to be! So there! I don't think there'd be enough room on an
Aircraft Carrier to hold all them candlezzzzzz>>>>>>>>>*

3:12 AM  

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