GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES...
...the Car Engine, not the Search Engine...
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First it was the Cell Phone. Drivers who use cell phones have more accidents than those who do not. Whether or not the cell phone is being held while yakking away, the outcome is the same. Well, John Q. Public, there's something else to watch out for, and that's Drivers who use the WORLD WIDE WEB while driving! I can relate to this whole Web Thing, 'cos I'm online quite a lot, and it takes all of my psychic energy to navigate the Web. In fact, while online, I'm less effective at doing other things; I miss plot lines in TV Shows, entire football or baseball games fly by, and were it not for instant replay, I wouldn't know what just happened. I've always been like that; multi-tasking and me don't agree. Since I'm not someone else, I have no idea how it affects others, but Surfing The Web While Driving can not be a good thing...? State Farm Insurance polled 900 drivers recently and 19% of them said they surfed the web while driving. Well, up go the insurance rates...or at least, a good reason for Insurers to Charge More...
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THE EYE OF A NEWT: Here's a dubious political development...Newt Gingrich (who lives up to his first name) has said he expects to be a Republican Presidential Nominee in 2012. Isn't he the former political bigwig whose wife died in the hospital, but before she died he was already dating someone else...? He's an annoying little guy whose best years are behind him, and Sarah Palin would look like a liberal next to him. Oh my gawd, I've just had visions of a Palin/Gingrich ticket...Excuse me for a bit, I feel a little green in the gills...if this is the best that the Republicans can come up with, welcome to a 2nd term, Mr. Obama.
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PORK FOR PORK: It's been a long time since I've eaten a Pork Chop. They're good and I love 'em. 82 million Americans can't be wrong; that's how many of us consume Pork in one version or another. Pork, of course, used to be ballyhooed as being "The Other White Meat". However, The National Pork Board (yes, there is actually one), doesn't think "The Other White Meat" is usable anymore; it's out of fashion, old hat, irrelevant, and no longer effective, so says the Pork Board. The new Pork slogan they've just adopted, after probably paying an inflated amount for some ritzy ad agency to come up with, is: "Pork: Be Inspired". How about that, "pork" for Pork! I never 'sausage' a slogan, and while I think Sausage/Egg/McMuffins are great, and while they postpone my appetite for a while, they don't inspire me.
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PLEASE PASS THE TOE JAM: Have you heard about this yet? A diabetic guy in Roseburg, Oregon (my neighborhood, roughly), woke up from a nap to find out his dog had Eaten His Toes! Evidently it's an instinctive thing in a dog's nature to removed diseased flesh from its Human. This isn't the first case; back in December, a dog ate the toes of a 10-year old Illinois girl; she had a sore on her foot. The only human food I can think of that would even come close are Mushrooms, breaded or otherwise. Chomp! By the way, the guy in Oregon is giving up ownership of his dog. Good thing, probably; otherwise perhaps he'd wake up with Fingers missing one fine day.
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A HOLLYWOOD DOPE: Here's the latest dope on an actor, or the latest actor on dope, whichever you prefer. Charlie Sheen, who thinks he's better and more worthy than you or I or the Rest of the world, has been fired from the alleged 'hit' TV series, 2 and a half men. In the wake of his absence, the show will be re-titled "Two Men". And, right before I set this post into motion, I found out elsewhere on the 'net that he's hired some sort of Understudy. An understudy. For a non-employed actor. Oh, and in case you wondered about this Sheen photo, he's not waving to the crowd. He's flipping the bird five times in one collective gesture to people he thinks just might be fans of his. It's these people we glorify by bothering to actually watch them trying to act their way through sub-par scripts for useless, totally irrelevant TV shows and/or movies. I actually thot Sheen did a good job of replacing Michael J. Fox on the "Spin City" series a few years back, but whatever positive qualities people attributed to him are now gone, long gone. Good riddance.
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A little closer to home, these two structures are near my house. The first structure just has to qualify as the Original Haunted House looms over the neighborhood. The owner puts Goats in the yard instead of hiring a neighborhood kid to mow the grass. And, I'm not sure if that Pink House is the one John Mellencamp wrote a song about, but it's just about the ugliest and most garish house I've ever seen. A pink house! I'm gonna have to read over the county zoning laws; a big Pink House has just got to be a violation of some code or other. The Pink House's owner has got me a little bit confused. He's cutting down a few trees on his property, which means my house gets more sun, but yet I love trees too. I think living in a Pink House is a Cry for Help. "Help! Send Paint! Anything but Pink!" It's probably safe to say that there ain't no man-caves in a Pink House.
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So what's the overall theme of this post? Most of the above stuff was gleaned from a Newspaper. Conditions for newspapers are not favorable in this day and age, but I can't think of a better way to enjoy a cup of coffee than to have a newspaper at tableside. So I salute newspaper publishers everywhere for enriching my life.