TALES FROM THE STOPLIGHT JUNGLE...

...they paved paradise and put up a whole bunch of traffic lights...

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Have you ever wondered how much of your life you've frittered away waiting for the Stop Light to change? How much of your life have you spent sitting grinding your teeth, hoping the Red Light turns to green before we enter the next milennium? In some towns, including where I live, the traffic signals are complicated further; they aren't wired on the same circuit or whatever...so, a trip thru the downtown goes something like this: Slow down 'cos the light's gonna change. Wait for the red light to change. Make sure there aren't any people in the crosswalk who are in a big hurry to get back to their cubicle. Resume movement before drivers behind you are try to drive up your Trunk. Repeat process several times during the time it takes you to go wherever you're going. I've become frustrated at times when I got caught in the stoplight jungle, thinking, "what good does it do to have a car if I can't DRIVE the damn thing?"

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In all its wisdom, The Beaver State has further complicated things with a recently-passed traffic law that puts all blame for whatever happens in an intersection, or Pedestrian crossings, whether or not crosswalk-lines actually exist on the road for striders to navigate, squarely on the shoulders (and in the wallets) of Every Driver. Every corner has an established right-of-way that pedestrians can use at any time, again, whether or not a crosswalk is painted on the pavement. To complicate all this even more is the fact that if you're driving in the far right lane, a pedestrian on the opposite side of the road can make one step onto pavement, and everyone has to stop, no matter how long it takes the pedestrian to saunter and lolligag their hind ends to the other side of The street. So when I'm driving down the road, and I see a pedestrian standing on the corner, any corner of the intersection I'm about to drive thru, I'm thinking (and almost praying), "puh-leeze, don't step off the curb, let me go by...", and it really becomes a guessing-game sometimes, trying to, in addition to avoiding all the other motorists that are trying to Kill you, needing to be able to stop on a dime if a pedestrian has one TOE touching the roadway. The police oftentimes conduct traffic stings; someone on the force will dress in street clothes and stand on intersections with their cop-buddies posted at various places, just licking their chops at the prospect of filling this month's traffic-sting quota a few days early. And now drivers must be able to psychoanalyze the behavior of someone even THINKING about crossing the street.

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Look...I don't want to kill anyone. I follow traffic rules. I allow for other motorists and pedestrians to do their thing. I have never hit anyone with my car, and have not had an at-fault traffic accident since 1977. That's a whole lotta driving. This law, the way it's written, though, implies that pedestrians are a bunch of sheep who don't really know what they're doing, who can just walk out right in front of your moving car and "Boom", you have to be able to stop RIGHT THEN. (This applies only to street corners, not someone wanting to walk across the street in the middle of the block.) So, in addition to obeying the traffic laws and watching right and left, far and wide, for Pedestrians, there is now a climate of Paranoia among drivers. SCREECH!!! STOMP THAT BRAKE PEDAL!!!DO IT NOW OR YOU'LL GET A HEFTY FINE IF A COP HAPPENS TO BE OUT AND ABOUT!!! I've seen pedestrians "playing" us drivers, too. Standing on the Street Corner until an approaching motorist is about ten feet from the crossing (lined or not), and THEN stepping out into traffic. Any cop reading this will hate my attitude, which is all right with me. I respect 'em for keeping us all safe, but that doesn't mean I have to like them. And I DON'T.

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So, this last weekend, I went to Brookings, a small town located near the Oregon/California border. It's a great road, although I wouldn't want to drive it at night. In places, the Ocean is just a few feet away from a cliff with Ocean beyond. The scenery is amazing. Sea stacks (you know, those huge rocks that God himself must've used for paperweights), ocean surf, crashing waves, the whole ball o'wax. If you've never driven the Southern Oregon Coast (it is fairly remote, but worth taking a side-trip for), load up yer cameras and get out there. Which I did. Thinking, "ah, no traffic lights, at least for a while". Little did I expect...

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That big rock poking through the clouds is Humbug Mountain, all of 1700+ feet at the top. There was road construction on this coastal highway. They paved paradise and put up a temporary traffic light. And I saw several cop cars parked along the way, near where highway personnel were plugging away. Fines double in work zones, after all...