ONE-AND-A-HALF OF EVERYTHING...

...or, my glasses are making spectacles of themselves...

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Yesterday, I thot my troubles were so far away. No, it looks as though they're here to stay...and that's an appropriate way to preface this post. Yesterday, I arrived to pick up my new glasses at the local eye clinic. This pair was better; I could read through the bottom part of the lens, and even though the distance vision portion of the lenses were straining my eyes, I figured "all I gotta do is get used to 'em." Well, that didn't happen. I drove back to the eye clinic today, and it's a wonder I even GOT there...I was seeing One and a half of everything. I could really bear down and MAKE my eyes focus, but the minute I relaxed, I saw one-and-a-half cars, one-and-a-half trucks, one-and-a-half people hanging outside the Wal-Mart store with "will work 4 food" signs, etc.

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I think the world of Eyecare is no more than One Great Big Guessing Game. (I kinda think that's the way it is in all Health Care situations, actually). The Eye Clinic uses its machinery to determine how they're gonna cut the lenses that you're going to be seeing through. All they've got are those funny little numbers they use to determine the "cut" of the lenses. Well...I've been in and out of this eye clinic for the last 2 months trying to get glasses that I could wear comfortably. And today, I went back to return the latest glasses they ground out for me to wear. I thot I could make this pair of glasses work, but, ah, no. Not with me seeing one-and-a-half of everything. Gosh, driving's tough enough when you CAN see! I'm not a bitchy and whiny customer. Don't give me special service or preferential treatment. Just treat me like everyone else. Gimme glasses I can see with and fine, thank you, job well-done, pip-pip-cheerio...I think I know why some people go "postal"; they've just HAD IT.

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Well, guess what I found out today...after discussing once again, all of my eyewear options, I pointed out to The Very Patient Eyeglass Lady Optician that in all of the other pairs of glasses I've ever had, the LEFT lens was always the thickest. In this new pair of glasses, the Right Lens was the thickest, which just kinda hit me wrong. After telling her this, she then went back to the lab to check the eyeglass numbers, and it turns out the computations for my right eye were ERRONEOUSLY computed, resulting in too much "correction" being used on the Right Lens. It was a case of The Numbers Not Being Added Together correctly. The possibility exists that, had I not pointed this out, perhaps I would still have glasses that felt like my cornea was being ripped out. (Nice picture, eh?)

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She gave me a couple of no-additional-fee-options: The clinic could grind out a pair of distance-only glasses to alternate with a pair of close-up-only glasses the Eye Clinic had already made up for me (which I rejected, on the basis of, having spent $400 for a pair of glasses that worked well close-up, I couldn't see more than three feet in front of me). Heck, I can see better than THAT with NO glasses! The second option she gave me was that I could make ANOTHER eye-exam appointment, with (hopefully) no mistakes in the adding-together-of-numbers, after which they would then grind out another pair of all-purpose bifocals with the proper lenses so I can function like a human being for a change! So, I opted for that option. So are my problems solved at last? Not really; I can't even get an appointment until MID-JUNE, with my new hopefully-correct lenses, until probably the first of July.

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I could have gone to Wal-Mart's optical department, but I DIDN'T. Why? Because I wanted to support this Eye Clinic, which, after all, is a local business, and they're not corporate fascists like Wal-Mart is. I always feel better when I do business with a local business. Right now, counting the first eye-exam, plus three pairs of incorrect glasses over the last two months, I've got $800 invested in Eye Wear that I CAN'T WEAR! Damn, this is frustrating!!! There will not be a "next time" for this Eyeglass Clinic. If the next pair of glasses they make me are impossible for my eyes to endure, I will demand my money back, and then I'll go straight to Wal-Mart even though they're not known for any "price rollbacks" in their optical department.

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This caps off a really bad week for me. I lost my wallet which held all of my I.D. To replace a driver's license in Oregon, you need a photo I.D., with your Social Security Number listed, along with a State-Issued Birth Certificate, to verify that you are a legal resident of the U.S. The clerk at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles gave me a State of California (where I was born) request form for a state-issued Birth Certificate. I have my original 1954 birth certificate, but since it's a Hospital Birth Certificate, it can't be used. So I have to get a brand-new State Birth Certificate. And, part of that request form has to be filled in and NOTARIZED. So I had to find someone to notarize me. No one could help me. I went to my insurance company; no help there either, although the secretary there said if I went to the Junior College here in town, I could find someone to notarize me. No help there, either. I was advised to go downtown to my bank, where I'd already been earlier. It turned out that the Bank Lady (who I think works in the loan dept.) was a Notary and she notarized me. So that much was done. Whew. U.S. BANK, I love you...

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Then I proceeded to try and get a replacement Social Security Card. It seems no one can tell from looking at me or listening to me that I'm a U.S. Citizen. I've only been out of this nation for 2 weeks in my life, long ago, on a family vacation. At the Social Security Office, they can't just punch in your name anymore; either you need a photo I.D., or a verification of your number through doctor's records. The Social Security Lady, who was nowhere as friendly as the Bank Lady, told me to get a medical form, and get it signed by someone. So, I went back to the Medical Clinic, where I requested the appropriate form. Instead of signing it, the ladies at the front desk "Stamped" it with the name of the medical center. I said, "this still needs to be signed". "Don't worry", I was told, "we've been doing it this way for ages."

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So, back to Social Security Office, where I was ripped a "new one", cos, it wasn't signed. (A Frigidaire Icebox has more warmth than that particular Social Security Lady. When you're a government employee, evidently You Don't Have To Be Nice.) So I took it back to the Medical Center, and one of the clerks up-front signed it, dated it, and printed her name. So I took THAT back to the Social Security Office, where I was told, "See? That's just what I needed." It wasn't even signed by a nurse or a doctor; instead, one of the receptionists signed it. So, really, I could've had a janitor or perhaps a Hospital Gift Clerk sign it. Heck, I could've signed it right-handed (I'm left-handed) with a creative alias, since I can only manage to 'scrawl' with my right hand. My new Social Security Card arrived in the mail today. Are all of my problems solved yet? No, because I think I forgot to include a $14.00 money order to mail to the State of California along with my Birth-Certificate request form.

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More Governmental flotsam & jetsam: On my Social Security application, I swore that all the info was correct or I would be subject to all kinds of penalties. The Social Security Lady asked me two questions that I didn't have to answer: Was I white, hispanic or black? And, was I a member of a Native American (it's probably politically-incorrect to use the term 'Indian' anymore) tribe? And she asked me those questions as she was LOOKING at me. I can't believe it, I just can't believe it...I guess the Gov't is afraid Everyone Out There is an illegal alien. Sheesh...