SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 14th, 1999...

...my last day at a job I absolutely loved...

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Maybe I shouldn't have loved that job, though. I was subordinate to two individuals, one of whom was intimidating with that big booming voice of his, and the other was a young kid with obvious talent who always talked down to me. So, I was basically a part-timer, always trying to prove myself, to get more hours, doing a job I loved, although I also felt I was being used. On that job, I basically got the duties no one else wanted. This job was in the field of Radio Broadcasting. I loved it; I craved it, and I continued to be a part of it, in spite of the fact that I was used every single day Between September, 1996, and November 14th, 1999, my last radio shift. Ever. I got absolutely no respect in the three-and-a-half years I worked there. Ten Years have passed since I left that job. Sometimes the only control a person has over a situation is to Leave. Which I did. Sometimes it's beneficial to not get too attached to something; it can be taken away just like that...

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As you've seen here in this blog, I can write, and write prolifically. Once, though, I was asked by my big boss to come in between 3am and 5 am to write news copy for the guy who was substituting for him on the morning shift (the Big Boss would soon go on vacation)...I balked at the offer, because I was already pulling shifts at night, some of them as late as midnight. And then I was supposed to come in on a couple hours sleep for a 2-hour shift? My big boss, who obviously had no tact whatsoever, shouted at me, "IF YOU DON'T WANNA DO IT, I'LL FIND SOMEBODY TO DO IT!!!" So I caved in and agreed to do the damn morning shifts, because, after all, I was trying to Prove My Worth To The Company. This is the same Boss who had complimented me thusly: "You Aren't Very Talented, but You Sure Are Dedicated." He actually said that. I can cite many other instances where I was treated in similar fashion...and I've cited but a few of them in this posting.

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The kid I wrote about in the first paragraph had a run-in with management. He quit, and all of a sudden, I was getting a LOT of hours. I was still doing the night shift, plus I was doing all kinds of program maintenance stuff (the stuff no one else wanted to do) in the afternoons. I felt that I was "Movin' On Up". About a year later, the radio station got sold to a big broadcasting company which owned scads of Radio Stations all over the dial. And when the management changed, the Kid Who Had Quit, was re-employed, which resulted in my hours being cut drastically. After working so long at 40 or more hours a week, I was lucky to get 8 to 10 hours a WEEK, which was roughly the amount of hours I got when I started the job in 1996. I hung on gamely, because I wanted to be a vital part of that radio station. In a nutshell, my hours to begin with were virtually "nil", but increased after a while, when the "kid" left, and I found out a week before I quit that my hours were going to get reduced once again. The "kid's" hours didn't get cut. But mine sure did. "Phasing out", they call it in these politically-correct times...

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I'd come in to do my shift when my Big Boss said my hours were being cut back, that they couldn't afford to keep me, after I'd sweated, toiled, and had work-related nervous breakdowns so complete that I began developing welts on my skin along with increased migraine headaches. As I sat thru my shift that night, I began feeling Absolutely Sick. No, it wasn't the flu bug; it was a burning, nauseating feeling which intensified upon Finally Realizing Nothing I Could Do would make any difference. We're talking about 3 and a half years here. Wasted Energy, Wasted Time. The job was in the city I used to call Home, and I was ejected, just like that. The next day, I gave a week's notice to my Big Boss, and he wasn't pleased with that, but then again, he wasn't pleased with anything I did anyway.

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I've since followed my former Big Boss' career, and a few years later, the radio station got rid of him. Then he was doing some sort of pseudo-broadcast for a newspaper (sounds weird, I know), and was laid off from that position after a few months; then he got a job at a bigger radio station in another market, and after a while, he was let go from that situation as well. Sure, I don't want anyone's family to starve, but at the same time, the thot runs thru my mind that "it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy"...(sarcasm there...) He got what he deserved. Just as he harrassed me, it turned out that other co-workers endured that, too. He had a great radio voice, but was totally without any kind of charm or character; he liked to bully people to get his way. At least that's how I felt. I can't begin to enumerate all the times he called up the radio station (he had afternoons off) and screamed at me for One Thing Or Another. He is a classic case of overbearing Ego combined with a violent temper. And his loud voice didn't make things any easier.

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After the radio station got bought out by the Big Company, some of its management people were working out of the office inthe building where I worked. Shortly after the takeover, my Big (Loud) Boss and I had an 'encounter' (putting it mildly), in which again he got loud and overbearing, and I told him to his face, "things are different now. I can actually go to management and complain about you." His reaction to that? He went over to where my schedule was posted and RIPPED my hours off the wall, slamming the door as he left. My Dad used to yell at me like that and I took it and took it and took it. No one will ever yell at me again. Not Ever. I will go so far as to say that my big boss was one of the biggest Bozos I have ever had to endure. He intimidated me to the point that I had difficulty even talking to him, trying to get my point across. He could open up that endlessly overbearing, ultra-loud voice of his and Shout Me Down, which he did. A LOT. I had quit the job early on, because of him, but upon realizing me that I'd never be able to get a job anywhere else, I went back with my tail tucked between my legs and got the job back. And it only got worse.

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If any of the players in this story read this, They Will Know Who They Are. No need to name names here, although I'm tempted. I admit I have a terrible voice for Broadcasting. My personality doesn't suit the business either. And I was dedicated, even during that harsh first winter when I was working another part-time job, and trying to hang on to the radio job as well, all 8 to 10 hours a week of it that I was being given then. I loved that job, in spite of all the crap I had to take. But I guess maybe I wasn't that talented. Actually, I've always known that, so I tried to show my dedication, such as the night when I walked a half-mile to the radio station in the middle of a winter night when sleet had filled up the satellite dish, resulting in the station losing the precious signal. Climbing a tall ladder, I used an extra-long broom to push out the sleet so our station could once again receive a radio signal. I didn't want any compensation for doing that. I just hoped that incident would make everyone see that I was valuable. Guess not, huh?

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I worked evenings and weekends; all the hours no one else wanted. After being there 'til midnight on Saturdays, I turned around and came in early Sunday mornings to try and respectfully present all of the Church Programs which the station aired. Those programs were called "The God Shows" by my Big Boss. I always thot that was a sort-of 'put-down', but I never said anything. Later on down the line, a separate FM station was added by the Organization, which was headquarted in the building where I worked. I had radio skills, I always ran a tight board, and had generally good rapport with the FM staff. I was a fan of rock music, and they all knew that, but do you think I was ever asked to work on the FM station? Noooooo. That one always kinda hurt, although (again) I never said anything to anyone at the time. I coulda used the extra hours, seeing as how I was Barely Surviving, just to keep my radio employment intact, settling for whatever crumbs the job tossed my way.

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You hear about kids wanting to be firemen or whatever...I wanted to work in Radio ever since I was 10 years old. While I was working in radio, I always knew a part of me wasn't cut out for it. But I tried just the same. I can't pound nails or do complicated math and I don't deal well with the competitive world. My best times at that radio station were nights, when I was left alone to do my job, surrounded by tape recorders, turntables, CD players, a radio mixing board in front of me as our signal was transmitted to who-knows-how-many listeners. I suffered for my art, greatly. Without any kind of respect. Oftentimes when I listen to a radio station, my mind takes me back ten years to when I quit that last radio job. I loved the job, but finally, finally, finally, I couldn't take it anymore. My Dad had a saying: "They'll ride a good horse to death". I was that horse. Hee-Haw, I guess...

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The title of a Led Zeppelin song comes to mind: "Ten Years Gone", and that's how this whole thing feels. If this blog is a portrayal of various facets of my life, then this ten-year mark was an appropriate time to hang out all the dirty linen. I was thankful to work at that radio station, but that wasn't enough. Amazing, what I've had to go thru to get to this point in my life. Every Day I see people working at crap jobs, trying to maintain a good attitude. It ain't easy, y'know?