Sunday, November 15, 2009

A BRIEF OVERVIEW OF MY "JUNK MAIL"...
...A case of Spam-o-pheric Ruminations...

Consumer advisory: This post gets just a wee-bit racy towards the end. Read at your own risk. And now, back to the post, already in progress...
-
Most weekdays, I get a slew of Junk mail. It's reminds me of digging up weeds; you finally extract those deep-rooted dandelions, and the next time you look at the yard, it's got twice as many. That's the way it is with my Junk Mail Yahoo inbox. I've tried replying to them; I've spent long, lonely nights trying to unsuscribe, which is useless, because when you send 'em an "unsuscribe" notice, that informs the Junk Mail Website(s) that there is indeed a Warm Body At This Address which they've spammed for decades and have no intention of stopping it now! Listed below are the 'Subject' lines of some spamminations I've recently received, along with what I'd like to send to the jerkfaced idiots who sent 'em to me. Join me in a tour of how I'd like to respond to some of the Junk Mail I get. And awaaay we go...
-
"WORK AT HOME INCOME": Are YOU sending out idiotic solicitations like THIS ONE, from your own home? Maybe I can get a home job and spam you BACK!

"WANT TO GET IN RAGIN'?": Depends on what you're trying to get me into, I guess...I suppose that I would want to make sure I could get back out...

"SEARCH FOR CHEATING WIVES": Okaaay...hey, isn't your wife home right now? What's her number? Where does she hang out? And why is she married to a moron like you?

"OFFICIAL NOTIFICATION: $1,000 WAL-MART GIFT CARD": Wow! A Wal-Mart Gift Card! That means I can add one visit to the customary two or three times a year I actually go to a Wal-Mart monolith. Seriously, those stores are larger than Aircraft Hangars...

"YOU HAVE 1 INVITE ENCLOSED": Let me invite YOU to take this e-mail and insert it forcefully in a body cavity normally navigated by a Proctologist!

"SOMEONE SENT YOU A DATING SITE MEMBERSHIP": What, you want me to spend money getting into your site before I spend thousands on high-maintenance dates? No thanks, if I'm gonna strike out with women, I'd rather do it on my own.

"HAVE YOU TAKEN THE ACNE MEDICINE ACCUTANE? IMPORTANT LAWSUIT INFORMATION ENCLOSED": Well, it looks like all the greasy-faced teenagers out there whose cheeks (facial) resemble the Moon's Cratered Surface can find a way to SUE now!

"TRY ENZYTE RISK-FREE AND BE HAPPY": I'm kinda thinkin' that if I tried Enzyte and it didn't work, I wouldn't be very happy. And I'm afraid of the similar medication that rhymes with "Niagara"...the one which could cause one to be...uhhh...errr...'stimulated for 4 hours'...can't you visualize a doctor who greets his patient thusly: "Is that a 2x4 in your front pocket or are you just glad to see me?"

Okay, okay, you get the idea. I guess I'm in for it should some Career Spammer read this post. I guess there are legions upon legions of low-rent muddy trailer-park people out there who send spam day-in and day-out to support their Meth habits.

Well...this is a first; I went for more than a week without blogging. I'll try not to let that happen again. I've thought about this subject for a while, and I finally had to do something about it so it wouldn't annoyingly bounce around in my brain any longer.

2 Comments:

Blogger Word Tosser said...

there are some doozy out there... with my name they never know what sex i am... so I get women in your life... and men just for you baby, and then there are the college and more education.. at almost 70, I don't think so...

7:57 PM  
Blogger some guy who blogs said...

Hi, Cis...you're a faithful reader, never knowing how outrageous I'll get in a post...

The Junk Mail things that frustrate me the most are the ones that say they have a "Victoria's Secret" gift card for me. Yeah, I think I'd look good in a see-thru nightie, don't you?

Blaaah.........

11:13 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home