THUMBING THRU THE PERIODICALS...

...Something I haven't done much lately...

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The old joke goes something like this: "What is life? What is Life? WHAT IS LIFE???" "A magazine, you jerk!" (That's from an old Eddie Lawrence record, "Blackouts of 1984", a comedy-routine from long long ago. Although the joke was stale well before it was put on record.) Anyway, while at the Denturist's Office today, I thumbed thru the newest copy of Time Magazine, and the first thing I thot was, "Golly Gee, this thing is THIN." As I thumbed through it, I came across a few splashy pages featuring pix of celebrities doing all kinds of show-bizness related things, and the second thing I thot was, "Golly Gee, 'Time' is beginning to resemble 'People' magazine." I didn't check the price of the magazine, but I'm sure as time goes on and the magazine gets thinner and thinner, the price goes up and Up and UP...

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I've ranted about not wanting to buy Beatles re-mastered recordings, and I'm still not gonna do that, but I guess whenever a magazine comes out featuring a picture of them, I'll get it, thinking, "this will be a huge collectors' item in 64 years or whenever". The newest issue of Rolling Stone Magazine features This Beatles' Photo, (at left) taken late in their career when they basically couldn't stand each other...the enthusiasm (or lack thereof) is painted all over their faces, ain't it? The Beatles broke up 40 years ago this year. And as I read the Rolling Stone article, it didn't have very much new information at all; it was basically a re-hash of the same old stuff for those of the Young Generation, of which I am no longer a member, and haven't been for a very long time now. I still have my December 1980 copy of Rolling Stone; it's all gashed, dog-eared, yellowing and crumbling, but it's also the one that tries to (vainly) find some kind of reason why Lennon was assassinated. We'll never really know; suffice it to say his shooter was a Wacko and leave it at that.

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As I thumbed thru the rest of the Rolling Stone magazine, I marveled at how much it's beginning to resemble "Time" magazine, with its use of glossy pages throughout, and how it's also beginning to resemble "People" magazine with Glossy Pictures Of Sexy Brittany Spears and all kinds of info on Rap Stars, etc. "Rolling Stone"? Say it ain't so, Ethel! I used to subscribe to Rolling Stone waaay back in the '70s. Now I buy only their special issues, such as their 1,000th issue a couple of years back that featured a THREE DIMENSIONAL Cover! (featured at left) (I heard the magazine actually Lost Money on that issue...but it is very fantastic looking.) And, I bought another RS special issue a few years back that featured the "500 Greatest Albums of All Time" (of which I have a few)...and that issue included a free various-artists-type CD, which I thot was cool. But yeah, I've lost a lot of my trendiness and timeliness over the years. I still hear new music on the radio I like, but 75% of the time, I don't know who the artist is. Although I remember hearing a song by Coldplay the other day (I think they're a fairly current band) and the song Blasted My Ears Out. Rock and Roll!!!

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I've been thinking lately that I Am Getting Very Old. 55. In my mind, I'm the same as ever. But, my body tells me different. But maybe my being alive now (and hopefully far into the future) is my reward for not having lived 'on the edge' when I was younger. Remember when Sammy Hagar sang, "I Can't Drive...55"? Today, for all I know, he might be puttin' the pedal to the medal in one of those "Power Chairs" we hear so much about these days. Think of those rock icons who left this world early...John Lennon would be 68 by now. Elvis Presley would be 74, breaking his hips as he shakes 'em. How about others who left this world prematurely? John F. Kennedy would be 92 this year, but yet we'll always remember him as a young man. Kinda distorts the image, doesn't it? What I'm getting at here, is that time is flying by, and even if those I've mentioned in this paragraph were still alive, maybe they'd would be living rather mundane lives, passing peacefully into obscurity...

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Perhaps Janis Joplin, for example, today would be one of those "old ladies with lots of cats" that you hear about. Jim Morrison, if alive today, might be a reclusive sort who operates a cobweb-covered dusty bookstore and doesn't care if he sells anything or not. I can't help but wonder, though, had the aforementioned (and countless other) icons not met with tragic fates, they would've died later on from less celebrated causes, such as pneumonia, or a severe case of the shingles, or perhaps being struck on the head by a brick falling from a building. So perhaps those whose drastic deaths we obsess over, those people might have been gone anyway by now. George Harrison was 58, Cancer took him away. Ringo is still with us, but don't dare ask him for an autograph; he's become a Grumpy Old Man at the age of 68. Another one of my favorite musicians was Arthur Lee, who led the group "Love"; he died of leukemia in '06; that kinda shocked me, since I'd just begun really getting into his music by then. And time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking...into the future...

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I'm still collecting old '78s by Miss Lee Morse, who passed away at the ripe old age of 57. She was a very vital recording artist in her day, but Time Swept Her Aside. If you type "Lee Morse" into the 'Search Blog' box at the top of your screen, you'll get better acquainted with her. Or, you can click on the 'Yahoo Group' Box in the left margin to see a site I've maintained for a couple of years now. For the longest time, I was thinking, "oh, it's so tragic that she died early and it's so sad no one remembers her today...". I had to put all of this into context. She was born in 1897. If she were alive today, she'd be 112 years old. (That's her picture at left.) But yet, if you see her movie-shorts ("Song Service" and "A Million Me's" can be found on YouTube), her character is fresh, warm and enthusiastic, and very human; although that grainy old footage was filmed in 1930, it doesn't seem that long ago. But the fact remains that even if she'd lived to a ripe old age, she would've still most likely passed away in the 1960's or '70s. So, all this time stuff is weird, and when you think about it on a comparative basis, it can Really Freak You Out, especially when you factor in your own mortality. Which is something I try not to do, or I Will get Freaked Out.

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Just in case, though, you'd rather deal in fantasy than with the Ugly Cold Shell of Reality that envelopes us, here's what might have become of our favorite mop-tops had they all lived long, natural lives...two of them are still with us...anyway, here's an artist's rendering of what they might have looked like at an advanced age..."will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 64...?"