Monday, June 22, 2009

COW BELCHES, BIRD EMISSIONS AND TV COMMERCIALS...
...seems like there ain't a whole lotta difference between these...
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Consumer Warning: This post is as bad as it gets. Maybe Worse, even.
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I thot I'd seen it all in e-mails; guess not, for I got a 'spam thing' today from a sender who calls him/her/itself "Nice Toes". The ad invites me to "eliminate toe fungus quickly". Isn't that kinda personal? I don't really wanna talk about toe fungus online. Next thing ya know, they'll be trying to sell me Bag Balm for Humans. Ack. Another spam-e-mail from Acai Cleansing wants me to "flush pounds of Nasty Black Waste out of (my) intestines." I'm sitting here trying to eat a banana, and I sure don't need to process the prospect of flushing my own personal Body Sludge anytime soon. It seems like Society is just getting a little-too unreserved for my taste. I don't want to talk about Viagra or That Magic Thing that makes every sexual experience resemble getting launched from a Rocket Pad at Cape Canaveral. I still find it odd that "that" portion of The Female Body is referred to as "The Bikini Line". Heck, the commercials throw it in our faces. If that's not Up Close and Personal, I don't know what is. I only knew that when I grew up, society wasn't so frank or honest. And I still come away shocked at times.
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Arrid Extra-Dry was about as far as things went back then. No one wants arm-pit odor, after all. And, when I was a kid, the "Preparation-H" commercials didn't bother me; I didn't even know what hemorrhoids are (I still really don't), or what portion of the body they were used for, so those commercials seemed relatively tame. Aside: Could that have been the reason I had such difficulty concentrating in school? "Miss Finnagle, can I be excused? I need to apply some "Preparation-H..." Those old desks with the hard wooden seats were probably breeding grounds for hemorrhoids. Perhaps that's why school was a Pain In The *** most of the time. Really, though, TV commercials have succeeded, to a point, anyway, in desensitizing us to the point of where the mass media can inundate us with mind-numbing details of the most Intimate Things and we're not supposed to be embarrassed about it all. We've been bombarded with everything from 'jock itch' to 'feminine itch' over the years and have become desensitized to those things; nowadays it seems like Madison Avenue is leading the charge in our exposure to all kinds of gross body-function-type stuff into our faces; far as I'm concerned, I don't want to even hear about it. Didn't Society have More Dignity Way Back When? Well, say goodbye to that...everything's fair game these days...
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Just this evening, I saw a Pamprin commercial that tells me Said Product is supposed to lessen the effects of 'that time of the month', which reminds me of the birth control ad in which the prospect of Actually Never Having Periods (or less of them) is outlined. I don't want to know about that kind of stuff or even Think About It. All of these body-function-things get waved in our faces and forced down our eardrums myriad times in a day...is there no 'shock value' anymore? It seems like the Advertising community has gone waay past Zit Cream, or Dandruff, or Athlete's Foot, and the Sky's The Limit anymore. I remember one commercial for the laxative "Doxidan", in which Cowboys gathered 'round a campfire would sing, 'Doxidan, Doxidan, when Nature needs a helping hand'...I thought that was Very Silly and even Extreme. Out of such moments spring forth absolutely stupid things like "Viva Viagra"...which is Just Unbelievable. Normal, hetero he-men, sitting in a circle with guitars, singing about Erections? I'm sorry; I don't want to discuss that with ANYONE.
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So instead, I'll talk about something else: Cow Belching. The lead-in to this article in today's paper says "The Goal is to reduce the greenhouse gas that Cows Belch". It goes on to say, "The gas cows belch is the dairy industry's biggest greenhouse gas contributor...most of it emitted from the front, not the back end of the cow." In short, how much gas your Holstein emits is the result of what you feed your cow. Well, okay, that makes sense. Don't let your cow drink beer or carbonated beverages, that's for sure, or Methane Explosions may result. Maybe someone out there needs to compute a sort of cow-belching to gallon-of-milk ratio or whatever. But how many people belch after swigging down a quart of milk? I know I do...cows aren't totally without merit, although...after all, they've contributed to the Music Community as the picture below reveals...
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But, this doesn't stop with cows...think about the Beverage Industry's contribution to the belch-gas-factor? Soon environmentalists will adopt the cause of "flat beer for everyone", 'cos the beer-belches from every foamy beer, by every customer in every bar, night after night, is poking mammoth holes into our Ozone Layer, especially the Big Hole over Antarctica. Actually, I wonder if penguins are to blame for that, since that's where they live and there's millions of them walking around, wantonly crapping all over the place. Here we are, trying to Protect The Penguins, when they're contributing to the Ozone problem. Anyone whose ever kept birds knows about What They Do. Parakeets "putt" once every 6 minutes or so...and that's just one example. Finch are even worse. It's amazing that a two-inch-finch can deposit a residue that's half again as big as it is. Methane City, for sure. Actually, though, I share a lot of responsibility for degrading our atmosphere; I drink At Least One Pepsi a day, and it works its wonders with my digestive system: "BRAAAP!!!" Oh my gosh; another hole in the ozone. Things will Formally have Gone Too Far when someday, a Prezzidential Candidate is running on an anti-carbonation platform. Braaap. That'll be right around the time the Beer Industry adopts the following slogan: "Flat's Where It's At". Braap...
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This is a post that did no one any good whatsoever, I realize. But if I've startled you by providing 'too much information' about things, well, that's how the TV commercials of today make me feel. And now I've polluted the bloggo-sphere with cyber-residue such as this. The Internet Will Never Be The Same. Things can only go downhill from here...

2 Comments:

Blogger MarmiteToasty said...

say NO to cow farts :)

x

11:55 AM  
Blogger some guy who blogs said...

Hi, Marmie...just the same, I guess I'd rather have the cow-farts than the cow-PIE, which is nothing like Shepherd's Pie, by the way.

What exactly is Shepherd's pie, anyway? We probably have the same thing in the States, with a different name...

Keep the duck dancing!

1:37 AM  

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