Thursday, March 26, 2009

Everything You Know Is Wrong...
Sometimes, GREEN is Not "Green"!
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Sometimes it amazes me, the things one can glean from newspapers. Actually, these days, with all the layoffs in the industry, I'm amazed I can manage to even FIND a newspaper. But seriously, folks...it all started when I scanned the Editorial Page; you know, the portion of the paper where Those With Almighty Journalistic Integrity, Scruples, and Educated Judgment proceed to lay all their personal insights on the rest of us, and we, the readers, not only get to read the bad news, but then have the Editorial Page editors and writers tell us all what that bad news MEANS. What amazes me the most, however, is the fact that I have not yet even begun to approach the Subject of this Post...hmmm...does that qualify me for space on the Editorial Page....? Anyway, one such Editorial Offering informed me about the Very Deep Meaning of Michelle Obama (That would be the current White House Wife) planting a vegetable garden on the posh back lawn of the White House. This would be that same back lawn that generations of Presidential Gardeners have been paid overinflated thousands of dollars to maintain in years past. In short, the White House Back Lawn Turf is gonna be unceremoniously ripped out, to be replaced with stuff like Zucchini, Radishes, Onions, maybe even Rhubarb and Artichokes. And yea verily, the White House Wife and the White House Daughters will till the soil and harvest the agricultural bounty yielded by the earth-laden soil, and All Will Be Good and All Will Prosper. (Where did THAT come from? And why did I write that?)
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As the Wise and obviously diluted-into-a-stronger-mix copy in this article on the Editorial Page proceeded, it went from the 'Specific' into the 'General', by commenting on Grass in general. The "legal" grass, that is. Grass in the form of Yards. Not the three-foot-yard, but the concept of Yards, as in front yard and back yard, and more specifically, the grass in those yards. Now I had never looked at it this way before, but the Writer of This Obviously agonizing-over-every-word Editorial Article pretty-much painted the picture of the traditional Lawn as being oxygen-consuming, yielding absolutely nothing, and perhaps being nothing but a Wasteful Tending Of The Soil. In short, you plant grass, you mow it, you water it, but what does Grass Really Do? You can't eat it, I'm sure you couldn't smoke it...no, Grass Just Sits There And Performs No Practical Function Whatsoever, according to this Editorial Page Writer. And as such, the Average American Grass-laden Yard tells the world that we don't have initiative to instead rip up the whole damn thing and put a garden in its place in this age of financial cutbacks everywhere. Grow Yer Own Food, no matter what the cost of Putting In A Garden turns out to be. Ack.
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There's an old Debating Tactic called "Begging The Question", in which one small point is seized on and magnified to an excruciating degree, and thusly, I have done just that here, regarding the subject matter of this pending lawn-to-farm-at-the-White House Editorial comment...Obviously, the writer was imploring us to Put Away our Lawn Mowers and get out Our Shovels! Yea, verily, it's our duty as AMERICAN CITIZENS to TEAR the grass OUT of our yards, put in plants, and hope to have a good harvest before Winter Winds begin to whip most of the country into a desolate icebox in which nothing will grow, until the next spring. In short, a GREEN lawn isn't "Green", ecologically speaking anymore. To that, I say this: I HATE digging weeds. I HATE the annoying hayfever when I get close to anything even APPROACHING a garden. I don't grow things. I just don't. I think Garden Work is the most tedious, hellaciously BORING work that I've ever done. I'd rather mow the lawn than being involved with anything that has anything to do with a garden. And I can't STAND lawn-mowing. And I don't really like vegetables either. Where's the air conditioner? Just leave me out of this...I just wanna go sit in the shade for a while...
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So why am I spinning my wheels with this diatribe? For one reason, mainly. The House where I Grew Up was situated on a large Corner Lot. We had 26 Pine Trees on that lot, and I mowed that lawn many a time. It's hard to mow a lawn when you're sneezing several times a second 'cos the hayfever's invading the ol' sinuses, but I survived. But mostly, I remember throwing the Frisbee with my Dad, or tossing the baseball back and forth with a friend, or shooting the basketball on the backyard court, or sitting in the lush grass with My Dog At My Side. I remember outdoor meals, and my Mom as she tended the her flower garden, which had Huge Plants in it every year, turning it into a virtual jungle that our longhaired cat, "Rascal", went hunting in. The Yard signifies to me life and good times, and to this day I cringe at the thought of Being Somewhere That is Not Green. How someone can live in, say, Elko, Nevada or in Death Valley, or almost anywhere in Whitman County, Washington is Beyond Me. Most of all, I miss the Frame of Mind I had when I was a kid, out laying on the Grass. It was a secure feeling that I Just Don't Have Anymore. And I haven't had Quite That Feeling for such a long time now. I cherish the memories, though. But this editorial writer pretty-much portrayed the Lawn as an Earmark of laziness on the part of the American Public. What a shame...all that land that could be PRODUCING something, and what do they do? They grow GREEN GRASS INSTEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, they must be awful people! So now, I have to try and weasel my way out of this subject, so let me quote an old song...
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"Green, Green, it's green, they say, on the far side of the hill...
"Green, Green, I'm going away, to where the grass is greener still..."
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This next subject has absolutely nothing to do with lawns, grass, or anything green, or "green" for that matter...although you can presently find them everywhere, perhaps on a sidewalk around which there may be growing some grass, weeds, or maybe someone dropped a Green dollar bill in one...I'm talking about the Phone Booth, that cultural hallmark which Rose to Fame when Clark Kent began changing his clothes in one, turning into Superman. Of course, nowadays, it's probably best to try to stay away from people who undress in a phone booth. Alas (sigh), the Phone Booth is Going The Way Of The Dinosaur. They're Not Needed Anymore, not really. Just another part of our Cultural Heritage we're losing...
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This foto came from the Spokesman-Review, which is still "printing" as of this writing. Hang in there, guys.
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Finally, the song lyrics quoted above (in GREEN) are from a song titled, logically enough, "Green, Green" by the New Christy Minstrels, which was a big hit back in 1962. You know who the lead singer on that song was? None other than Barry McGuire, who later on performed a Cheerful Little Toe-Tapping Ditty titled, "Eve Of Destruction", a #1 Big Boss Mindblowing chart-topping record. I'll bet Bob Dylan wishes he'd written it...

5 Comments:

Blogger MarmiteToasty said...

oh my, you write for elequently.... I actually love gardens with lawns be they big or small.... I know many maties that have paved over their back gardens cos its easier then cutting the grass...... me, well, I only have a little lawn but I love it and it is usefull, me chickens peck it and eat it lol its great to lie on in the summer months and just daydream with ones face to the sun..... I love flowers and veggie plots an anything to do with growing..... but then I dont get heyfever....

Due WWII over here, every bit of usable ground was dug up and used to grow food for the nation... of course you didnt have that need over there lol..... and this little row of cottoages that I live in with their long but thin gardens were all veggie plots with chickens and also some had pigs at the bottom of their gardens....... Ive many old black and white photos of this row of houses with its gardens all laid to veggies.....

As regards the whitehouse residents 'growing' stuff.... I very much doubt they will actually do any of the digging, maybe just a little for the cameras, they will employ expensive gardeners lol, thus making that parsnip they might have with their sunday roast, well expensive.......

and no the grass aint always greener, but I would love the opportunity to find out for meself...

x

7:29 AM  
Anonymous Songwraith said...

Stimulating post! You didn't get into the numerous lake cabins/estates (CDA and the chain lakes specifically) where folks have felt compelled to rid themselves of the natural pine-needle effect and plant grass. It's almost as if they couldn't go a summer without tending/mowing a lawn! (or, in many cases, having the lawn tended). Good for the economy, perhaps, but you must admit there's an inordinate amount of effort being invested in golf-quality lawns!

10:05 AM  
Blogger Dogwalkmusings said...

Oh, man, am I supposed to feel guilty for all the time and effort, not to mention money, we've put in to establishing a lawn out here on the Rathdrum Prairie? Where nothing grows easily except rocks and pocket gophers? Oh, woe is me!

12:45 PM  
Blogger some guy who blogs said...

Hi, Songwraith...I don't live up there anymore, so I guess I didn't approach this subject with a CDA slant, but there sure a lot of golf-course-type lawns in the area. Go out to the Avondale Country Club in Hayden Lake; I'd swear some of those yards ARE miniature golf courses...they could be. Perhaps maintaining a lawn gives some people a raison d'etre...

Hi, Ms. Dogg-walker; no no no, don't feel guilty about maintaining yer yard. As a matter of fact, it is a requirement that you MUST enjoy at least a pitcher of lemonade and a couple of grill-burgers this summer. Go for it!

12:12 AM  
Blogger some guy who blogs said...

Marmie...I'm not really eloquent, but when old memories kick in, I can go on forever. As far as the President & Family and White House Gardens, well, If I was President, I sure wouldn't feel like tilling the soil after a hard week of dealing with graft, corruption, and criminal behaviour in government, let alone leaders of other countries who would like us to just go away...

Funny thing, I hardly spend time in my yard...what with lawn mowers, dogs barking, the kids who live next door blasting out their music, I have to get out of here on a regular basis, and that's when, to the ocean, I do go...

12:16 AM  

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