Jumbled Holiday Visions...
...cleaning out the corners of my fragile eggshell mind...

*DentureQuest 2008 Continues: Yeah, I know I rambled about this 'ad nauseum' in my previous post, but I'm getting more and more used to 'em all the time. As a matter of fact, it took me only half-an-hour to eat 2 fairly long bacon strips at breakfast today! It's a good thing I ate the hashbrowns and eggs first, or they woulda gotten mighty cold while I more or less 'dissected' the baconstrips with my new pseudo-teeth. I'm having to learn to eat all over again, although my physical dimensions tend to indicate that I never had much of a problem with it to begin with.

*The Political Transition is On: You know that we're getting a New Administration soon; now that no one really can do anything about it, our Lame Duck Vice President today admitted that, Yes, he approved that by-now-famous intimidation technique, "Waterboarding", in which imprisoned individuals from the Middle East were threatened with techniques that simulated the experience of Actually Drowning. Yep, we're a Democracy, and we'll prove it even if we have to take a garden hose and ram it down your gullet before turning the water on full-blast. Dick Cheney still maintains that We Have Achieved Success With All We've done over there, plundering the Iraqi neighborhoods, shoving Democracy (along with water) down the throats of those who Don't Want Democracy. Hopefully that's all I'll hear out of Dick Cheney's Mouth for Eternity. Goodbye and good riddance! Right now, Keith Olbermann, flaming liberal that he is, is accusing Dick Cheney of War Crimes. Hmmm...Olbermann might be right...

*Candy-nomics: At just about any convenience store, you can find those little bags of Sather's Candy, the ones that are 2 for $1.00. I used to think that was a pretty good deal, because you got a lot for your money. Not such a great value these days, however. Today, I bought a coupla bags of Sather's peppermint hard candy, and there were only EIGHT pieces in each bag. Eight. Not a whole heckuva lot. That's over 12 cents per little Peppermint Candy Piece. I remember when you could get giant-size candy bars for a DIME. Anyway, that's one indicator of how chintzy everyone's become since the Economy kicked us in our drawers a while back.

*Should I just give it up now?: I've been playing guitar for 30 years, and have begun to accept my limitations. My fingers can't move as fast as Eddie Van Halen's. I can't play a musical scale to save my life. I'm not a very melodic player, such as David Gilmour of Pink Floyd, whose sound either inspires me or makes me wanna hang up the guitar forever. On my best days, after all this time, I am still Just Barely Adequate. But now there's something on the market which can Actually Make Me Sound Good. It's called "Guitar Hero". All you have to do is strap on a fake guitar with no strings and flail away at it with reckless abandon and you can sound just like a Super Pop Star. Yep, Eric Clapton, we don't need you anymore; now Anyone Can Sound As Good As You Do! Used to be, you had to work at Guitar Playing to Sound good playing guitar. Not Now! In my mind, they should call it "Guitar ZERO". The 'Zero', of course, for those who have No Musical Skill. Hey, Joe The Plumber, now, YOU, TOO, can sound like Ted Nugent!

*Some Things Never Change: Such as, for example, Corruption in the Name of Politics. The Illinois Governor, a guy with the unpronouncable and un-spellable name that resembles something like Bloggogoyavich...(Blegouvidich? Blobogasovich?) tried to SELL the position of SENATOR to whoever wanted to replace Barack Obama, who left the Ill-noise senate for a more important gig. In the original scheme of things, Blugooyovich (Bloopynagovich?) was reportedly envisioning himself as Senator (and yea, verily, someday as Prezzident) if he couldn't sell the position to someone else. Under Blogooeyvich, (Bloopianovich?), if one of his Mob Boss Friends wanted to pony up the money, Illinois would have a corrupt, cigar-chomping alcoholic Al Capone wannabe as Senator. Whee!!! Don'tcha just love politics? And now, it turns out one of Mr. Obama's cabinet appointees spoke to Bleggosaurusovich (Blimbonitzivich?), only it's not fully known if the Senate Position was On The Table then. And, will this development crawl up the Prezzidential chain, where the Prezzident finds himself impeached before he even takes office? Mr. Obama, you'd BETTER emerge from all this as clean as a whistle, or I will Never Ever Vote For Anybody Ever Again.

*Shoe-Fly, don't bother me: It was a case where lame-duck Prezzidential Pretender George W. Bush, even though he's put his foot in his mouth myriad times over the last 8 years, missed a chance to have someone else's shoe in his mouth during a surprise visit to Iraq this week. An irate Press-Person actually threw his shoes at the President's head, which isn't all that big a threat, since his skull is fairly thick. Still, it would've been a Coup of sorts had the Prezzidential Teeth been graced with the heel of someone's WingTip. It might have knocked some sense into him. Or, perhaps he would've been rendered unconscious, in which case no one would've noticed at all; I've long thought that GWB operates pretty-much on Automatic Pilot to begin with. Phone it in, George. Actually, it's a fitting conclusion to our Role in Iraq under the Bush Administration. No Weapons of Mass Destruction, but Plenty Of Shoes...

*Ups and Downs At The Pump: Gas prices have GONE UP 29 cents a gallon this week (at my most favorite place to buy gas). What gives? The Fuel-Powers-That-Be must be thinking to themselves, 'more people are gonna be on the roads now that Christmas is drawing near, so let's scheme and scam away and really start to milk motorists, again, out of every cent we can get out of them'...you know, I couldn't sleep at night if the Oil Barons, Company Prezzidents and Stockholders weren't somehow Realizing Ever Larger Profit Margins. I'm sure glad they raised prices; I just couldn't begin to cope with the stress of Actually Paying A Reasonable Price for fuel. It's just too much to handle, walking around with Some Actual Extra Cash in my wallet. Guilt, greed and corruption...the American Way. Am I cynical yet?
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*Holli-daze: What Corporate America likes to call "The Holidays" is coming up, and in the spirit of the season (if indeed there's any Spirit these days), here's a timely little sentiment in the tradition of Christmas/Xmas/Hanukikah/Pre-Boxing Day or whatever you decide to call it; something to digest before you gulp down that big holiday dinner...



Have a Holly-Jolly Christmas...it's the best (?) time of the year...I don't know if there'll be snow, but have a cup o'cheer...Have A Holly-Jolly Christmas...and in case you didn't hear...Oh by golly, have a Holly-Jolly Christmas...this year. This is the only Blog On Earth where Burl Ives follows John Lennon in some sorta-psychedelic parallel musical universe...