Thursday, September 04, 2008

Maybe it's just a"SHAM"? Wow...
The Most Irritating TV Commercial far, that is...

When someone is selling something, especially to the masses tuning in on their soon-to-be-obsolete non-digital TV sets, isn't it important that the person selling that product at least have a little bit of appeal? I'm sure you've seen those ultra-annoying ads for a thing called "Sham-Wow", if you watch the cable channels as much as I do. It's not bad enough that I'm having to endure a commercial for something I'd never consider buying in a zillion years, but the ragged-looking cheeseball that's selling the Sham-Wow product has got to be one of the most obnoxious characters I've ever SEEN selling something on the tube. He's even more obnoxious than Billy Mays, the guy with the black beard and whining, grating, screeching loud voice who's on the tube hawking every kind of wonder-widget-thing ever made. And believe me, when you're more obnoxious than Billy Mays, THAT'S obnoxious...

Here's Billy Mays, who hawks every kind of product known to man. He's gotta be the Premier of Product Purveyance, and he's SO EXCITED about whatever it is he's selling, be it "Space Bags", "Wonder-Stickum-Glue", or that waxy goofy stuff that you smear on your car's hood, you know, the stuff that protects your vehicle to such a degree that you can SET FIRE to the hood, and, by golly, the stuff will actually protect the paint from burning. He speaks at a level which would easily equal any major rock band in concert, and when I see him on my screen, I immediately reach for the remote and desperately mash the "mute" button. Because, unlike his car-hood product, Billy Mays Has A Voice That Can PEEL PAINT. If ever I have a TV Nightmare, he'll be the announcer... but, ol' Billy's gonna have to try a little bit harder to hang on to the title of "most unlistenable person on television now or any time within the last 50 years", because there's a young up-and-coming brat with some sort of boorish New-Yawk-Bronx-type accent that makes Billy Mays look like A Great Orator.

All I know is that the guy's first name is Vince, and I have never seen such a cheesy, sleazy, lower-than-your-average-used-car-salesperson-type hawking a product in all the time I've been watching TV. And believe me, I've seen a LOT of TV. This guy is so AWFUL that he has to actually throw out a bitchy remark to the TV crew filming him...halfway thru the commercial he barks out, "you following me, camera guy?" Toward the end of the commercial, while making a painfully obvious point about the indispensability of his product, he shrugs and says, "I don't know; it sells itself"...which makes me think what he's really saying is, "You're an IDIOT if you don't buy my product." While ol' Billy Mays makes me run for the remote, ol' Vince, here, makes me wanna throw a BRICK thru my TV!
If you watch this guy REAL close in the commercial, one edit shows how a "Sham-Wow" can suck up liquids through a square of Wet Carpet. He gets ready to place the Sham-Wow on the can see water leaking onto the countertop from under the carpet. Then, all of a sudden, the camera CUTS to him as he's placing the Sham-Wow ON the carpet square, but before he actually PLACES the Sham-Wow on the carpet square, the water that's leaked out is GONE. All that's left are a few cursory water droplets under the carpet itself. I must ask, "is this Sham-Wow, or just SHAM?" Gosh oh golly, Sham-Wow must be a really terrific product if it can SUCK UP THE WATER through wet carpet BEFORE it fully comes into contact with the carpet! Why, it's TOO GOOD to be TRUE!
All of a sudden, I've realized I don't need just one "Sham-Wow"; I want CASELOADS of them. I'll then ship them to New Orleans where they can suck up all the moisture deposited by Hurricane Gustav. And, best of all, you can just stack 'em up in one place near the city somewhere, and they'll miraculously suck up all the water that's soaking Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and several other southern states (that is, if ol' Vince is to be believed).

Finally, in reference to my jab at Used Car Salesmen, a little humor...
SALESMAN: "Start 'er up; this car's a real Opportunity."
CUSTOMER AFTER STARTING CAR: "Well, that's for sure; I can hear it KNOCKING."
(Like I said, a 'little' humor...)


Blogger Dogwalkmusings said...

Wow! You watch these things a lot more closely than I do. I can't get beyond wanting the Grecian Formula distributorship for Billy!

12:44 PM  
Blogger Idaho Escapee said...

Hi, Mari...I guess when you've seen the same commercial at least 700 times over the last two weeks, little things sorta have a way of jumping out at ya. Especially when some alienating WEASEL is trying to push his product on me!

1:25 PM  
Blogger PinkAcorn said...

ACK ! That Billy guy is nauseating....the voice is bad enough but the hand gestures make me cringe....

6:40 PM  

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