Thursday, April 17, 2008

I Gave My Doctor The FINGER...
...and then, he went and OPERATED on it...

Blog update: I'm always amazed by the number of readers who respond to a particular post, especially if it's a post I thot no one would pay any attention to. Then again, haven't we ALL wanted to give the Medical Community 'The Finger' sometimes?

SPLINTERS, one of Nature's annoying little inconveniences, have certainly been the downfall of me here. I underwent a finger-ectomy (or, would that be a digit-otomy?) today...,and I lived to tell about it. Well, you've heard the old saying, "cut off the nose to spite the face"; well, my right hand has now been made virtually unusable because my right index finger was operated on. Normally, I type 75 words a minute, so you'd think my typing speed would be cut in half...but, it feels like every SENTENCE is taking a full minute to type here. X-rays recently showed a splinter embedded deeply within my connective tissue, and, the doctor had ta go in and git it.

Earlier this week, I had my pre-op consultation, which is the medical community's way of saying, "we want to inform you of any number of a gazillion things that can go wrong during a finger-ectomy (or digit-otomy), and you need to sign a copy of the document we've just read to you, outlining every potential mishap which could occur during your finger-ectomy (or digit-otomy), so that if your hand should fall off, or you should DIE during the operation, you can't sue us and/or take away our country-club memberships..." With that, they've got ya where they want ya, 'cos, if U don't sign, they don't operate. And your hand falls off in several years anyway, due to infection from not having the finger-ectomy (or digit-otomy).

And, with the benefit of hindsight, this all makes sense in a twisted sort of way; I had to pay the deductible for this operation in advance...I guess they were thinkin' I might actually die during my finger-otomy (or digit-ectomy), and if I was dead, well, I couldn't pay for the operation. I am so proud to know I'm doing my share to support the Medical Community. Gotta help pay for doctors' golf clubs and malpractice insurance, y'know. Unlike the late actor-turned gun-wacko Charlton Heston, I do not have "cold, dead hands"; rather, I have one hand that is basically a useless glob of flesh and bone, dangling from my right wrist. And, I have to keep that hand imprisoned inside a mammoth ace bandage that (allegedly) includes a splint that encases my "fickle finger". There must be 50 yards of Ace Bandage encasing my right hand...I honestly can't tell if a splint is under all that or not. So I've now got one good hand 'till April 30th, when hopefully they'll take this DAMN THING OFFA ME!
____________________

Yep, that's all you get, 3 little paragraphs...and you're lucky to get that much...since, until my right hand is fully restored to me, I'll be typing roughly 17 words a minute. I'm not kidding; right now, I can WRITE faster than I can type!

7 Comments:

Blogger Dogwalkmusings said...

Ouch! That must have been some splinter!

Hope you mend fast!

3:03 PM  
Blogger Kendra said...

At least all you had to pay was a deductible, Escapee... I look down at the white scar of three stitches on my index finger now, and I don't remember the pain of the injury (metal shelf bit me), no, I only remember the whopping hospital bill- almost 600 BUCKS for the precious 20 minutes of that doc's time. Grrr.
Anyhow, hope you heal up soon.

8:49 AM  
Blogger MarmiteToasty said...

Cripes..... Sorry to hear about ya finger, have you tried typing with your toes LOL..... oh if you do, please take photos :)

my Sam had to have a splinter removed from his knuckle, he didnt know it was in there until a week or so later having pulled a bit out his finger just went stiff, the hospital removed a half inch splinter that had gone into his knuckle..... he came out of the hospital and straight back to the skatepark lol

~Hoping your finger gets better soon, and fanks for your well wishes..... Im typing this on a high between drugs LMFAO.....

X

11:10 AM  
Blogger MarmiteToasty said...

ps........ fank the heckwhoever for our NHS.. National Health Service.... or my knee would of costs thousands upon thousands up to now and I'll have a year of care from hospital, docotors and physios to follow :).... Rule Britannia lol

x

11:12 AM  
Blogger Idaho Escapee said...

Ms. Dogwalker, it only hurts when I type...for 3 months I kept pulling pieces of splinters out...the x-ray told the doctor there was still a portion of the splinter on the OTHER side of the digit.

Kendra, I sympathize with you...for years I had to pay medical bills without medicare. Really, you don't DARE get sick or injured if you're young. I remember being financially at the end of my rope many times 'cos the medical community was breathing down my back...I hadthree steroid epidurals in my lower back a coupla years ago...each shot cost me $3,000...that was before I became Medicare-eligible. Three-thousand bux a shot, Amazing...

Marmee...you'd better get a bigger house, cos if more Yanks see yer reply, they'll be movin' in wit ya to take advantage of that "National Health"...

6:53 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

My son had a splinter in his finger last week. I removed it for FREE.

I never thought that I could charge big bucks for it.

Maybe next time...

10:19 PM  
Blogger Idaho Escapee said...

Oh, Phil, you rascal you...the Doctor had to dig into my finger pretty deep; there are two incisions on the underside of my right index finger that required STITCHES to close. Whatever was in there or whenever I jammed it in there, it musta been way down deep. The doctors were either alarmed that the splinter was close to a joint, either that or else they hadn't made enough money to cover their malpractice insurance yet. (Now, that's what I call a bad attitude!)

1:18 AM  

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