Once again, I'm ALL EARS...
Warning: This column could be "earritating"!

It was quite an "eary" experience. I'm "ear" to tell you it was. Yep, I went to the Ear Doctor. I entered his office, the nurse had me take a chair. When my time came, she said, "come in 'ear' and the doctor will see you soon." And sure enough, the doctor entered the treatment room in his "earstwhile" manner, and the first question he asked me was, "Why are you here?" Huh? What? When a doctor asks me that, I am always taken aback because, after all, another doctor referred me to him. All I know is, whenever I refer someone to something, I tell that someone a little bit about the thing I am referring to. I guess that's not the way it works in the medical profession; just because you've gone into see a doctor about something, doesn't mean he actually knows why you are there. That just kinda always amazes me, especially since all the medical offices in the clinic down here are linked by a common DATABASE. I guess the medical software has no room for any kind of referral remarks. (If they want, I'LL give 'em a few remarks......)

But just think: in the time it takes me to type this sentence, I could transcribe the phrase, "this big goofy hypochondriac says he has something wrong with his EAR." (That would be why I went to an Ear Doctor, you see.) And, supplying those "Earnest" remarks would only take me an additional 20 seconds to input into the message. I could then hit "send" and send said message, complete with referral details, on its way. Big difference between "would" and "could", fer sure. Imagine the following scenario: say if someone with severe laryngitis goes in to see a podiatrist, and the doctor asks, "what's wrong", whaddaya do? You can't talk, after all. And the doctor knows nothing. He had no info in the referral, you see. And without guidance, he might operate on your good foot, ignoring the bad foot. Or dissect your heel when it was your toes that were hurting. At least a doctor can't leave a sponge inside your foot...or could he? Would he?

So anyway, the nurse led me into the room where the Ear Doctor was going to examine me. And, when I saw the above chart-thing (above), I knew I was pretty-much in the right place. After all, a foot doctor won't have ear-charts in his office, right? Then, the Ear doctor came in and said, "What's the matter"? Just think, if I'd totally lost the hearing in both ears, I wouldn't have been able to hear his question. Then what would he have done? Maybe he'd 'refer' my case, through the database, back to the referring doctor? And then the referring doctor would have to send the ear doctor details of my case. WHICH HE COULD HAVE DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE...

Near as I can tell, the nurse at my G.P.'s office (who blasted my ear with fire-hose pressure a coupla weeks ago) may have retrieved a bunch of ear wax, but she may also have pushed some of it FURTHER into my ear. And I didn't help things with the ear drops/Q-tip therapy I applied when I got home. The Ear Doctor did quite the opposite; he stuck a miniature EAR VACUUM way into my skull, and he had to clean it several times; I guess he'd run across quite a few Organic Asteroids deep in my ear canal. But the treatment WORKED! This was a case where something SUCKED, but the results were POSITIVE. I'll just hope his machine didn't suck out any of my brain cells. And I can't help but think that a Vacuum Bag for an Ear-Vac has gotta be purty doggone small.

Finally, one more observation: You remember Pinocchio, the little boy whose nose got longer Every Time He Told A Lie. Can that same thing apply to Politicians? Could that apply to body parts other than the nose? Well, George W. Bush's ears look like they're about the same size they always were, but it's amazing to compare an old foto of him to a new one. He hates that gray, but he can't wash it away. Too many lies, George! Maybe Vice Prezzident Dick Cheney had a full head of hair, which largely disappeared The Minute He Entered Politics? Still more lies from the Veep. It is an election year, and we've got candidates a-bashin' each other. Don Imus, before he got kicked off the air, remarked that Hillary's backside has grown over the years. Would that be proportionate to the amount of "truth" she tells? And, if Barack Obama becomes Prezzident, well, let's hope he always tells the truth soTHIS doesn't happen to him...

I did NOT deface this picture...I ripped it offa someone else's blog. Credit where it's due, y'know...
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Finally, if you've read all of the foolishness I've posted above, you've probably come away thinking I need my head examined. So would I go to a brain doctor, or a clinical psychologist? Depends on where I'm "referred", I guess...