Sunday, February 24, 2008

It's a BIRD! It's a PLANE! Noooo, it's a...
SIXTY-MILLION-DOLLAR fireworks display!

Let's face it, Money Goes Up In Smoke every day. Gosh, money's spent on surveys, exit polls, public relations, administrative expenses, lobbying efforts, conceptualizations, predictions, feasibility studies, and all kinds of nebulous things which You Can't Hold In Your Hand or Take Home and Put On The Mantelpiece. Money just evaporates, and a lot of the time, it really doesn't buy anything. Or if it does, it's easy to come away thinking that This Thing My Money Just Bought Was Waaay Overpriced. As an example, how about something You and I and all the other taxpayers in the nation 'bought' recently?

The United States shot down a Satellite the other day. This Satellite had malfunctioned, and on board the satellite was a Full Tank Of Fuel, which authorities said could have caused all kinds of fatal mayhem in an area totaling the size of Two Football Fields. Two Football Fields. I don't want anyone to die, but...Two Football Fields located somewhere on this planet? Earth may not be the biggest Rock in the Universe, but it does have quite a few hundreds of thousands of square miles, and most of those square miles are either under ocean water, or in uninhabitable areas such as Siberia, Antarctica, or Smelterville, Idaho, so the size of this satellite actually returning to Earth and Harming Someone was for the most part Pretty Doggone Small.

I actually did a little bit (a very little bit) of research for this post, and found out that the Missile Itself (this excludes the launching mechanism, I presume), by itself cost 10 MILLION DOLLARS. For one missile. The entire mission itself could end up costing as much as 60 MILLION DOLLARS when you factor in operating expenses, salaries and adminsitrative riggamarole. A long time ago, it was speculated that if you placed one million dollars back to back, you'd be able to line 'em up to the Moon and back. So, take 60 could stretch adjacent 'George Washingtons' to The First Planet Beyond Pluto And Back. Gosh, $60 Million Dollars, for one rocket shot. This proves that Our Federal Government can Spend Money faster than Alex Rodriguez makes it. (Poor guy, it takes him an entire season to make $25 million; I think I'll send him a sympathy card.)

I have provided a photo of this magnanimous aerospace target-practice event, so that at least, if nothing else, you'll be able to see where Your Tax Dollars (or at least a chunk of them)'s the Actual Rocket with the Actual Missile, which Cost A Whole Lot Of Money. I guess the U.S. Air Force felt they had to spend a cool $60 million this year, or they wouldn't get the same appropriation next year for Who Knows What Which Will Then Cost A Whole Lot Of Money. So, in a way, this photo is a bit of Public Service on my part. Print it out, put it in a frame, and place it on your mantelpiece...

I can imagine that all of them folks over at the U.S. Air Force are really glad this mission was successful. This mission showed everyone around the globe just how powerful (and megalomanic) we, as a nation, are. Also, the Air Force woulda looked like a buncha HORSE'S ASSES, had this $60 million-dollar rocket shot MISSED. Meanwhile, George W. Bush is playing Prezzidential putt-putt over there in Africa, where he's hiding out because he has nothing really constructive to do in his own nation. He's not missed. Although, I wonder how much his little African shuttle-diplomacy thing might be costing...

EXTRA ADDED FUN FEATURE: You can scroll BACK UP to the TOP of this post, and then SCROLL DOWN, and you can simulate your very own Rocket Launch for a whole lot less than our Government spent!


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home