Monday, November 12, 2007

...or, why didn't I know that???

Whenever I listen to someone who alleges they are the sole authority on something, or if I encounter a pamphlet, book, or other piece of propaganda which espouses to be the end-all source of Real True Facts concerning something, a red-flag pops up in my mind, making me question things. Skepticism is a normal thing, although, if you exhibit that skepticism, you might get called a smart-ass by those less skeptical than you...

But there are some things in life that are totally beyond dispute, as I've found. For instance, "water is wet", "sin is wrong", and "there will never be another Beatles." Recently, while fine-dining in an area restaurant, I came across one of those little trivia-filled pamphlets which are basically a vehicle for advertising. And, it contained some Real True Facts...such as...

1. The memory span of yer average GOLDFISH is 3 seconds. Which proves two things: There is actually a creature on the planet with a shorter memory span than me, and, every circling of the goldfish bowl is a journey of unknown proportions, since the goldfish is incapable of realizing he just swam around the bowl 4 seconds ago.

2. There are 118 RIDGES on the edge of a DIME. So, if you're down to your last dime, that's something to contemplate before spending it. Although, I'm not sure if a single dime buys anything anymore. As a matter of fact, a certain potato-chip maker utilizes a similar scheme: "Ruffles have ridges".

3. PEANUTS are used in the manufacture of DYNAMITE. Oh yeah? If that is indeed true, then Peanut Butter (which is actually 'peanut concentrate') could used to make a BOMB. And if you use 'crunchy' peanut butter, little peanut fragments will fly helter-skelter upon detonation, causing more damage. An organic "smart-bomb", if you will. (I never thot I'd ever put bomb-making info on my blog!)

4. Your LEFT HAND does 56% of the typing when you type. Actually, since I'm left-handed, my right hand probably does more of the typing, 'cos when I get mad at the computer for screwing up, I SMACK it with my left hand. A classic case of computer abuse.

5. The SHARK is the only fish that blinks with both eyes. Makes sense, because if you're innocently swimming in the surf, Mr. Shark wants to have both eyes open at once so he can see you with both eyes as he dines on YOU in much the same way I gobble up the contents of one of those little flat cans of Sardines. CHOMP!!!

6. The average SCALP contains an average of 100,000 hairs. Well, I could say that, once upon a time. So far, I think my hairbrush, over the years, has removed at least half that total. So now I have half the hair, covering up twice the space. Except, I'm too lazy to do a comb-over. So I wear hats. An added advantage of wearing a hat: no scalp sunburns in the summer.

7. BANGING YOUR HEAD against a WALL burns up 150 calories per hour. This is good to know, because if you're really, really frustrated about something, you can DO THIS and get an aerobic workout at the same time. Don't smack your head into the wall so hard you pass out, however, or you'll lose out on the exercise benefits.

8. HUMANS are the only creatures on the planet that can BLUSH. Well, think about it...the animal kingdom doesn't have hopelessly stupid members such as Senator Larry Craig, Prezzident George W. Bush, sportscaster Tony Kornheiser or Rolling Stone guitarist Keith Richard, who wasn't hurt when he fell from a coconut tree and landed on his HEAD. Figures.

9. The amount of DUST in yer home consists of 70% shed human skin or hair. So next time a guest enters your house or apartment and says, "this place is really YOU!!!", well, that's truer than they know. You (or pieces of you) are all over the place.

10. We have all spent a half-hour in our lives as a SINGLE CELL creature. Some humans actually prolong that single-cell existence by quite a few years, if not an entire lifetime. Those individuals are in SOLITARY CONFINEMENT. And unlike the goldfish, those in 'solitary' have more than a 3-second memory span.

There. This blogsite is now officially a Center for Higher Learning. You now know All There Is To Know. Unless I come up with some more gems of wisdom in the future...


Blogger Denise said...

brrziwjewhat I would like to know is how do they know a goldfish only has a 3 second memory? They couldn't exactly ask him could they? LOL
and why would anybody even try to figure that out?

11:32 PM  
Blogger Denise said...

sorry about that brrziwje..
have no idea where that came from.

11:33 PM  
Blogger Idaho Escapee said...

Hi, Denise, and "brrzijewhat" to you, too. I knew exactly who did that goldfish research 3 seconds ago, but I FORGOT who it was! Guess I'll just swim 'round in circles, then.

2:42 AM  
Blogger Kendra said...

One that I got a kick out of was reading in a Tom Robbins novel that the anal temperature of a hummingbird was 105.6.
Okay... WHY would we need to know that??? and how the HELL did they get the thing to sit still long enough to stick something up its butt??? Sheesh.
And btw, Gary Edwards is my unc. He's one of my favorite family members, too- I'll definately tell him you said hi!

7:48 PM  
Blogger Idaho Escapee said...

105.6, huh? Musta been a pretty small thermometer. How they got the hummingbird in the "back door" is totally beyond me, unless they caught it hovering at a bird feeder. Poor little bird!

8:15 PM  
Blogger tumblewords said...

Your article is funny, the comments are almost funnier!

9:39 PM  
Blogger Idaho Escapee said...

Hey, Tumble-ina...thanks for stopping by...I've never had a Real Poet visit here before. Strange, how this post, which is all about TRIVIA, got more comments than all the other stuff I write about things that Really Matter. Unless, those things Really Don't Matter. Maybe, in focusing upon trivia, we're all escapists at heart. Could be!

3:26 AM  

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