THE STRANGE SAGA OF O.J. SIMPSON...
Well, look at the bright side...this time around, he didn't KILL anyone...


Some people crave their allotted 15 minutes of fame SO MUCH, that they just can't seem to stop reaching for that "brass ring" once the main purpose of their lives has pretty much run its course. A lot of people are content to live lives of constructive predictability, never really becoming known for anything great; others perform one really noteworthy feat in their lives and then, secure within themselves, don't feel the pathological need to constantly (and sometimes irritatingly) re-appear time after time, letting society know what they did oh, so long ago. Still other people can't seem to get enough. Paul McCartney or Mick Jagger, for example. At least McCartney is still musically valid, though; always creating new songs and trying for new sounds, while poor ol' Mick, after all these years, is still lookin' for some "Satisfaction". He can't get no!

This brings me to the strange, twisted case of O.J. Simpson. We all know he's a double-murderer, so I won't debate that here. Let's just say his knife spilled enough of everyone's blood at the crime scene to fill a medium-sized reservoir. He DID IT! GUILTY AS SIN! Well, miracles were worked, people were influenced, the race card was played, O.J. was exonerated, and he ran to Florida where the Goldman Family (whose son O.J. KILLED) can't seize O.J.'s numerous vanity possessions. And that's how things have stood for years. O.J. still needs to be O.J., however. He still makes a living signing autographs, he still chips golf balls in much the same way he said he did the night NICOLE SIMPSON and RONALD GOLDMAN were MURDERED, and he's even gone so far as to try and hawk a book titled, "IF I Did It"...his account of what he would have done and how he would have done it, had he indeed MURDERED TWO PEOPLE IN COLD BLOOD on a June night in 1994. Which he DID.

And now, he's baaaaack! This time around, he's accused of armed robbery in Vegas. He and a few of his "Juice Mafia" (who wear jackboots underneath their suits), evidently invaded a hotel room to steal back some "Juice Memorabilia" which allegedly was stolen from him. O.J., who escaped the ever-reaching hands of Lady Justice once before, has lain it all on the line again, this time for a few inanimate objects. Let's see...stealing football memorabilia from a DOUBLE-MURDERER...wouldn't that be akin to breaking into Charles Manson's prison cell and stealing some of the creepy giant cloth spiders he weaves together from all kinds of prison residue? (I saw that on MSNBC, by the way.) And the only thing worse than that, as far as theft is concerned, is if you're a high-profile person with a dubious past who ARMS yourself to STEAL THE STUFF BACK! O.J.'s flimsy excuse? His reputation was such that cops wouldn't help him re-possess his possessions. I kinda think no matter HOW MUCH the stuff was worth...I'd stay far, far away from ANYTHING possessed by either Manson...or O.J.! Noooo, thanks. My guilt complex is overactive enough without resorting to collecting stuff like that. Ackthptf.

So, I have a theory about O.J. which I shall proceed to advance here. O.J. is mentally ill, in that he is pathological, delusional, obsessive, and he probably runs over small animals in his Ford Bronco, too. O.J. knows fully well how much everyone HATES him, only he doesn't think about that. He just keeps chippin' away at his golf balls. On the driving range, he hopes that no one will see his "bad slice", heh heh. But lately, just lately, that ain't enough for him. He craves the spotlight so desperately that he just felt he had to go and get himself in trouble again. That's gotta be it; why else would he risk his freedom (if you can call it that, since everyone knows he's guilty of the murders) just to get a few DUMB OLD FOOTBALL TRINKETS that no one with any sense of decency is going to give a RIP about? So now, he's in the spotlight again. And you know, maybe he has a hidden desire to go to jail, as if something inside of him really feels he deserves to be there.

If I had committed a double-murder and got off scot-free for it, I couldn't live with myself. I'd be bangin' on the walls of the prison: "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! LET ME IN!!! I'M GUILTY AS ALL-GET-OUT!!!" So maybe this is what ol' Orenthal James wants. He can go to jail, be where he should be, AND NEVER HAVE TO ADMIT HE KILLED ANYONE. A sort of incarceration-related-opportunism. How 'bout it, members of the psychiatric community? Am I totally off-base here? (that's always possible) Or, is there something to this? Of course, what'll probably happen here is that he'll go to trial for theft, be acquitted, and then he'll write another book about how he might have committed the robbery, if he had indeed done it. And he'll be back in Sunny Florida chippin' (or slicin') golf balls (and who knows what else) before ya know it.


Once again, "The Juice" gears up for his latest legal battle. He could steal, but he could not rob.
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I was at home recovering from the 1995 Portland Marathon, which I'd run two days before. The TV was on...it was the day of O.J.'s verdict...and I saw him acquitted, and I was STUNNED. Let's just say that here in 2007, nothing much surprises me anymore.