Baseball "Mission: Impossible"
...or, 'this team will self-destruct in 2 short weeks'...


...although, these last two weeks have seemed really L-O-N-G for the Seattle Mariners, and for their fans (what's left of them); the team has virtually succeeded in achieving some form of instant mediocrity, which might actually not be all that mediocre after all, since you have to do something really special in order to turn a really good season into a tragicomical travesty with a relatively few swings of the bat. Run production is down, the starting pitching all of a sudden can't make it halfway through the game, the 'staff ace' only wins once in a while, and the relievers ain't givin' the team any relief. The new manager is at a loss for any kind of explanation, and all of this is beginning to make former skipper Mike Hargrove look like a sage for the ages, deciding to abandon ship when he did, WHILE THE TEAM WAS STILL WINNING. And now, the M's have lost 13 of the last 14 games. The only time they've won in the last two weeks was when they whipped up on battered old washed-up pitcher Roger Clemens of the Yankees last week. Sad, huh?

Hargrove, the former M's manager, must have foreseen impending doom and disaster as he gazed in his crystal ball, or had mysterious forces guiding his hand on the Ouija board, telling him, "Mike, in order to save face and avoid eternal damnation, you must quit NOW." He had the last laugh, though. You see, he evidently had difficulties with Ichiro. Ichiro was in the final year of his contract, and no one knew if he'd re-sign with the team. Hargrove left. Ichiro re-signed. (no cause-effect relationship there, huh?) And it is obviously Ichiro's Ouija board that's not working, for Ichiro's new deal guarantees him that, as a Mariner, he won't be anywhere NEAR any kind of championship for at least the next several Presidential terms.



Listen, I am no fair-weather fan. I have stuck by the Mariners since 1997, thru thick and thin, listening to virtually every game (in which I have constantly been irritated by sportscaster Rick Rizzs and his breathless mind-numbing deluge of constant ceaseless blather, trivia and factoids which make me wanna dropkick my radio), but I am beginning to think that Seattle, especially in the world of baseball, is where good players and coaches go to die, or to wallow forever in the murky depths of cesspool residue generated by the dregs of America's National Pastime. Anymore, when I tune in a Mariners' game, I'm looking for yet another new way for them to lose yet another game. A missed catch, perhaps. Or a baserunning error. And in that regard, I am NEVER disappointed anymore.







Something about Seattle just keep sports teams, especially BASEBALL teams, from reaching any kind of enduring, or fleeting, success.. It must be in the water, or the coffee, or maybe there are spurious gas emissions from the nearby active Mt. Rainier volcano that get into the air and somehow screw things up in sports teams' brain waves. I don't know what else it could be. And I am just about ready to QUIT being a fan. I don't care if the team actually WINS a championship; what I DO want from the Mariners is some sort of RESPECTABILITY, some VALIDITY, some PURPOSE, and year after year after decade after century after eon after epoch of bumbling and stumbling, I EXPECT BETTER. And it ain't happenin'! It's too late for this season. I wouldn't be surprised if the M's fall all the way back to the .500 mark. At the start of this losing skid, they were only 20-games over! Sheesh!

Finally, come with me as we peer into the saga of yet another young man who collects baseball cards, plays in Little League and dreams of his idols...whoever they are these days, if indeed there are any idols...



Know why this kid has a future in baseball? Because he doesn't plan on ever wearing any MARINER BLUE. Cruel, but it had to be said. Honestly, I've just about had it with the team.
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Seahawks fans, shaddup...yeah, I know the 'hawks went to the Stupor Bowl a few years back. That's an accident that won't happen again. UPDATE: In an effort to make me look really, really bad (as if I need help), the Mariners won today. Against Detroit. The M's ace only gave up 5 RUNS in the victory. It's a win, but waaay too little, much too late.