The TWENTY-million-dollar man...
...and you could say this guy has 'stepped up to the plate'...

...and the winner is...ICHIRO SUZUKI, at least as far as I know (things such as this can fall apart, y'know); from listening to sports-radio. He's in the "contract extension" process, which means if he stays in Seattle, they're evidently gonna pay him 100 million dollars over the next 5 years. The Seatte Mariners wanna sew this guy up baaaaad. Just a warning, Ichiro: If you DO this, sure, the money's great, but you're probably gonna wind up on the list of great players who never went to a World Series. Will Ichiro become surrounded with peachfuzzed, freshfaced young kids just brought up from the minor leagues as well as old decaying veterans whose batting averages and fielding percentages are dying merciless, slow, agonizing deaths? In short, will the Mariners "tank" themselves with this deal, by not being able to afford anyone else who's halfway good? I mean, we're talking about 100 MILLION dollars here. If that staggering amount is too much for you to fathom, let's just say Ichiro is the TWENTY-MILLION-DOLLAR Man, for each of the next 5 seasons. Wow.

Let's break down Ichiro's contract: that would be 162 games a season multiplied by 5 seasons, for a total of 810 games. Assuming Ichiro plays all 9 innings of every single game (meaning he never gets injured and the coach doesn't take him out to rest him), that's 7,290 innings played over 5 years. Now, let's divide those total innings into the 100 million dollars he'll get over that 5 years, and we come up with an amount of $13,717.42. That's how much Ichiro will get for each INNING he plays. Close to a cool $14 grand. That's not saying how many hits he'll get, how many times he pops out or sends weak grounders to an opposing infielder. Now, Ichiro is a GREAT player. But is anyone worth what Ichiro's getting, let alone what A-Rod's getting? ($252 million over the next few years). Is Ichiro worth what Ichiro's getting? I don't know. My mind is already severely boggled from tossing around those lofty monetary amounts. (Obviously, I didn't allow for extra-inning games here, but hey...)

Now, I am not greedy. All I want is one at-bat's worth of Ichiro's salary. I'd swing and miss three times, and then, I'd go sit down. For arguments' sake, let's say each at-bat is a 'sixth' of an inning; three outs for your team, another three for the opponent. So, per 9-inning game, there are an average of, say, 40 "sixths" in a game, allowing for home runs, scoring rallies, etc. That would come out to 810 games multiplied by 40 "sixths" or 'at-bats' for 32,000 total at-bats over a 5 year period, or, $3,125.00 for EVERY time Ichiro comes to the plate. And that's how much I'd get for swinging and missing on Ichiro's dime. The number of at-bats, of course, varies from inning to inning, but still, he's getting a whole chunka change everytime he 'sights in' the opposing pitcher with his arm outstretched, holding the bat. Heyyyy, Ichiro, ol' pal, ol' buddy....
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What, you say, this has been a dull post loaded with facts and figures? I apologize for turning this posting into a balance sheet that made your eyes glaze over. So, for your visual enjoyment, I have a little picture for you here. It has to do with this current Prezzidential administration that everyone just is, well, so negatively indifferent about. However, there are a few die-hards out there who've read about the very-vocal political exhortations against the Oval Office back in the '60s, and have decided to try that same tactic here in the 00's...I guess, all I can say is, good luck...


I'm sure ww.spokesmanreview.com/blogs/hbo protests the fact that I keep on pathologically defacing their photos...
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And now, I'll try to go get some sleep now. I won't have visions of sugarplums dancing in my head, nor will I dream of sheep jumping over a fence. I'll be envisioning dollars, endless amounts of dollars....ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz.....I'm getting sleeeeeeeepy, very, very sleeeeeeeepy.....