Trying in Vain to STAY CURRENT...
...but remaining RELEVANT ain't all that easy...

Okay, I've got a couple of things that I've been thinking about, because at this point in time, both are big news. The Talk of the Town. Discussed by Enquiring Minds everywhere. And yeah, I notice things that are happening, but since my mind has all the retaining power of a mirror, I usually just flush all that stuff right outta my head. But I'm not a total "relic", if you will. And I'm not old-fashioned, although I might over the hill. (Apologies to Bob Seger there,) So here's my perception of a couple of timely things which admittedly are waaaay out there as far as my direct or indirect involvement with them is concerned...

The World of Baseball: Everyone's clamoring over San Francisco Giant (and I do mean 'giant', whether naturally or artificially, well, who knows) BARRY BONDS as he chases Hank Aaron's home-run record (I think it stands at 756?) and Bonds is within a walk to the druggist of reaching that record. Everyone's making a big deal out of this. Even the Commissioner of Baseball, Bud Selig, while not vocally a Bonds supporter, has been seen at recent Giants games. Bonds treats his adoring public with disdain, and his non-adoring public with pure hatred, so where do I come in on all of this? I know next to nothing about him, I hear the news reports about Bonds and then I dismiss 'em...and who knows, I might be Barry Bonds' favorite type of fan. I think Bonds' attitude parallels that of the late Greta Garbo, who said, "I just vant to be LEFT ALONE". Below are side-by-side, 'before and after' pictures of the slugger:


...the only thing I'm absolutely sure about is, he's bigger than he used to be!

Of course, it's the steroid scandal that put Bonds on the map long before all the breathless, salivating anticipation of him actually breaking Mr. Aaron's record. So as far as Bonds and steroids, well, did he or didn't he? I DON'T KNOW. I know that I'm bigger than I used to be, and I've never even SEEN a steroid. Maybe Mr. Bonds eats a lot of Wheaties or Cheerios, or both. Or maybe he goes thru steroids like your average moviegoer plows thru a large tub of "bottomless popcorn" and an oversized box of "Raisinets" (both of which, combined, cost an average of $35.00 at your favorite multi-quasi-maniacal-megalomanic Cineplex which features 500 giant screens; all movies, all of the time. Or, if that stuff doesn't cost that much now, it soon will!) Anyway, back to sports...

Sometimes I think SportsRadio is so phony; on one hand, they discuss in excruciating detail Bonds' alleged steroid usage; then from the other side of the announcers' mouth comes all sorts of blathering about the home run record, and how important it is to baseball. Ack and Sheesh! Basically, I just want him to break the damn record so we can get back to the serious business of baseball. One of those Bud-Lite commercials, a new one, salutes Mr. Sports-announcer-guy who talks incessantly about everything that pertains to sports 24 hours a day, and the reason he's employed in this position is because HE CAN'T PLAY AT ALL. And I've only heard that commercial once, and that was mid-week last week. Hmm...did that "spot" cut just a little bit too close for comfort...the ANNOUNCERS' comfort? Well, in that case, I'm innocent. I can't announce, and I can't hit, EITHER. And actually, I like old-fashioned cornflakes. I eat 'em while watching my birds. And then I get out of the house when their yammering starts to drive me nuts.

Something else I know absolutely nothing about: Well, it's official. Two hours ago at Midnight, the newest (and hopefully, last) "HARRY POTTER" book went on sale. Yeah, I suppose it's great that the American Reading Public is once again flexing its muscles, and because of this, publishers don't have to worry about books becoming obsolete...not for a while, anyway. I guess there are all kinds of elements such as witchery, mysticism, sorcery and whatever else incites a ravenous public to gobble up Harry Potter books like a bowl of cornflakes (or Wheaties and/or Cheerios). I have no idea. I mean, my idea of a superhero was, say, FLASH GORDON. Or SUPERMAN. Or, STEVE McGARRETT of Hawaii 5-0. But, "Harry Potter"? What kind of mundane name is that for everyone to be so hung up over?

Also out there, playing at a theater near you, is the latest "Harry Potter" MOVIE. I daresay "Waterworld" would look like a work of genius next to a Potter flick, and certainly no more implausible than any caper ol' Harry's involved in. (see my previous "Waterworld" post; it's only 2 or 3 down from this one. I thot it was pretty good, but that's just me.) So I don't care about Harry Potter. I've never seen a Harry Potter BOOK in person, let alone the movies about this character. And judging from the antics of much of the Hollywood Actors Bunch, and how shallow and STUPID most of them are, I wouldn't be surprised if the following is actually true...



Meantime, Atlanta Quarterback Michael Vick is in a heap o'trouble, because this multi-millionaire football player who could do anything he wanted, involved himself in the illicit (and illegal) world of DOG-FIGHTING. And, a Pierce Brosnan public service announcement has just come on, and he wants me to save the whales. Pierce, you've got millions...YOU same 'em! Does that mean that pro athletes are more shallow and/or irrelevant than Hollywood Actors? Who knows...I mean, you see 'em both in the tabloids. There. I'm done being 'current'. Now, I'll go and crawl back under my rock. Blah blah blahhhhhhh......