Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I think I've just seen the world's DUMBEST TV commercial...

Here's the scenario: A bunch of guys in their '30s or '40s are sitting in the front room of what looks like an old, dilapidated sub-Appalachian log cabin. Sorta reminiscent of the one in the old movie "Deliverance". And, they're-a-makin' good ol' footstompin' music. One guy is even playing a standup bass. Just thing you always see in a dilapidated old log cabin which is so decrepid that termites choose not to nibble on the place...a standup bass. The other guys are playing acoustic guitars, and they're all singin' up a storm. Sorry, there's no one playing washboard, but you can't have everything. And, hey, that tune sounds kinda familiar, y'know? I could swear the words are a bit different, but I've heared that tune before....searching the distant cobwebs of my musical mind, it sounded like a lil' something Elvis Presley once sang. And poor ol' Elvis is prob'ly a-spinnin' in his grave faster than the national debt is increasin'...only, these guys, and I am serious, I am telling the truth, I am NOT MAKING THIS UP... they're all singin', VIVA, VIAGRA!!! VIVA...VIAGRA!!! (to the tune of "Viva Las Vegas").

Its' probably fortunate that they don't roll credits at the end of commercials, or we'd know who the VILLAGE IDIOT who wrote this commercial's script is. And then we could find his mailing address on any number of too-expensive-web-detective-type-sites, and mail him a letter and tell this bozo how HOPELESSLY DUMB this VIAGRA commercial is. But, and once again, I am NOT kidding...I have something to compare this to. Back in the late '80s, there was another commercial that was so STUPID, so WRETCHED, so UNFORGIVABLY AWFUL, that I cannot forget it to this day. 'Twas a commercial for "DOXIDAN", which is a laxative. A LAXATIVE, people! And most of the commercials featured some new-fangled-pseudo-cowboy-resembling-wanna-be-country-star with a gee-tar who was singin' the following lyrics..."'Doxidan, Doxidan...when NATURE needs...a HELPING HAND." Davy Jones of the Monkees, had a comment back in the drug-laden 60s, when he was asked by the press if any of the Monkees take drugs...he said, and this is a quote..."I take EX-LAX...it keeps me going all the time!"

I mean, can things get any DUMBER than that? Well, YES. Because, one of the Doxidan commercials featured a bunch of country guitar players and their women-folk in the tour bus as it rolls down the highway, and they're ALL singin' the Doxidan jingle. MEN AND WOMEN, having a carousing good time, singing about a product that makes you crap all over the place! And, BY JOVE, I think I've got it! THE SAME STUPID AD GUY must have written BOTH commercials! After them "Doxidan" commercial fiascoes, he probably had to go into hiding for 20-odd years, hoping no one would remember the commercials...or him...and then he crept out from under his ROCK to write the ultra-stupid and stupefyingly-moronic "VIVA VIAGRA!!!" commercials that adorn the cable networks nowadays. I'd check to see if the 3 main networks air them, but there's so much crap on those networks (reportedly not generated by Doxidan) that I never tune in. I haven't watched a complete show on NBC, CBS or ABC for YEARS.

At this point, I'm just hoping I don't see an underarm (and elsewhere) deodorant that puts new words to an '80s song by Chicago..."you're the roll-on in my life; you fight perspiration." But it could happen. And, I kinda wonder why it hasn't yet...


Blogger Denise said...

I just saw that ad.. couldn't believe my ears.

and yet they won't allow ads for condoms to be shown.. go figure.
I've been a bad fan and haven't checked in and read lately.
been busy turning 50 and such.. lol

10:46 PM  
Blogger Idaho Escapee said...

Hi, Denise...I kinda think that if those guys would go HOME before they get all tired out playing that stupid song, they might not NEED Viagra!

2:02 AM  

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