SLEEPING ON DEMAND...
...as far as I know, I didn't let anyone down...

Last night, I put on the performance of my life, although I wasn't there to witness it. Oh, don't worry, it's captured for posterity by all sorts of high-tech gadgets as well as 2 or 3 video cameras, operated by a total stranger. It sounds strange, I know, but such is my life. This all came about because I kept my appointment at the local SLEEP CLINIC, all the while wondering what I'd gotten myself into. Evidently my medical doctor saw some sort of RED FLAG when I visited him a couple months ago, and I thot it was really weird when he began asking me if I'd ever had sleep APNEA, and me, never having watched myself sleeping, because, you see, I'm usually asleep at the time, said, "I don't know". I say that quite a lot in reference to a lot of things. I AM THE TOUCHIEST SLEEPER IN THE UNIVERSE. And I was about ready to freak; how the HECK was I gonna sleep in a strange building, in a strange bed, ON DEMAND, for a person I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW???

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First of all, I had to be asleep before 10PM. I'm a night owl; I never go to bed before at least 2am! But, thanks to internal fortification provided courtesy of "AMBIEN" (let's hear it for good drugs!), I felleth asleep shortly after the "sleep technician" attached all kinds of little cables all up and down my body, to a foreboding little machine sitting in the corner. By the time the Ambien took effect, the whole world coulda been watching me sleep, and I wouldn't have cared. I brought a book to read just in case, and I got thru maybe 2 pages. And, Boom. I fell asleep. Only to be awakened 3 or 4 hours later. That's what they do in hospitals and clinics; they make you go to sleep so they can wake you up again. This time, though, the aforementioned "sleep technician" came in with a little mask-sort-of-thing, attached to a hose, attached to another foreboding little machine in the corner. Basically, it was the machine's duty to propel a stream of air into me, the theory being that if you have sleep apnea, you're oxygen-deprived to a point, which adversely affects sleep, so the prevailing theory is, that if oxygen is pumped into your head, you'll sleep better. It took me about 5 or 10 minutes to get back to sleep, but I did get back to sleep. The Ambien was still (thankfully) doing its job. And I even entered some sort of dream cycle; I can't remember the dream; I only remember that I was dreaming. That's the way it usually goes with me.

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I was awakened again at about 5:30AM, after which I'd been asleep for a grand total of almost 8 hours. Me, getting 8 hours of sleep? Wow, novel concept. And the sleep technician told me that after putting the little air machine over my mouth, I slept much more smoothly, and didn't toss and turn nearly as much. So the possibility does exist that I have been underslept most all of my life, if not in quantity, then surely in QUALITY. Does this mean that I won't have to go around tired out of my mind all the time? Ironically, ever since I made the appointment for this sleep-thing two weeks ago, I've been anxious about it, and I haven't been sleeping as well. I guess my doctor will study the results of this thing and get back to me. (It's another expensive 'office call' for him, can'tcha see?) And maybe then I'll have to go downtown to Honest Ed's used air-forcing respirators and see if I can get a good deal on one of 'em. In conclusion, I'm glad I was able to 'sleep on demand'. I sure wouldn't want to be going thru the throes of Sleep-Performance Anxiety, after all. Even tho it probably does happen to a lot of guys...

Actually, the sleep clinic I went to was a bit more sophisticated than this...

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Comments about comments: One of my 3 faithful readers pointed out in the comments to another post, I may be putting readers to sleep because my posts are so doggone LONG. She compared my posts to "War and Peace", a book known for its immense thickness. I look at it this way...the struggles involved in worldwide War and Peace have gone on for centuries. So, I suppose I'll keep on writing monolithic posts. My posts have been longer as of late, though. I guess I feel I never put 'enough' in a post. I think the prevalent feeling is, "if I throw a whole bunch of words out there, I'm bound to come up with something that makes sense sooner or later". I know there are faster typists out there than me, but I can comfortably do about 75 words a minute, so when I think of something, "bam", down it goes in this here blog. So I think as fast as I type. Or, I think as slowly as I type. Either way, it's the same.

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Tonight, the Seattle Mariners did their best to lose another game, but ended up with a win in spite of themselves; they had a 5-o lead when the mid-relief pitcher took over. And that pitcher didn't provide much relief, obviously. Another high spot of tonite's game, former designated hitter EDGAR MARTINEZ was inducted into the Mariners' Hall of Fame. Edgar is a class act, and justifiably, Seattle is proud of him. Best wishes, Edgar!