Another one for the birds...
(or, "Chickensh*t news", part two...)

It's kinda crazy the way things work sometimes. A few posts under this one, I wrote about how Chicken Farmers are running out of birdsh*t..."Chicken residue" is in demand these days because fertilizer prices are skyrocketing, due to rising fuel costs and whatever else. So chicken farmers are being put under increasing pressure to feed their flocks more and more so they can sh*t more...well, besides being cheaper than other fertilizers, another reason for chickensh*t's appeal is that it's easy to work with, not wet and sloppy. Ugh. Well, I read in the noozepaper today that there's an energy plant back in the midwest that will soon be converting TURKEY SH*T into, well, energy. All of this news about birdsh*t lately; well, it's either that or politics. Even tho some of THAT can also be chickensh*t at times. So, I suppose we're all helping the national energy crisis by chowing down on assorted bird parts, whether they be chicken or turkey. Yeah, I'll do my part...I'll have a drumstick and a thigh...and I must admit I have a weakness for chicken nuggets. But, back to Tom Turkey...I've already learned that Turkeys are basically bred into deformity for the Thanksgiving Season, with the most effective breeding techniques resulting in the poor birds' inability to walk, due to chests that are so big and heavy that they can barely get from the water trough to the food trough. That would be known as the "Dolly Parton" effect as related to Turkey breeding.

And then, to complicate the situation, there are those out there, I'm sure, that would say very smartly, "well, you would do well to just forego food that comes from animals and go vegetarian". Well, true, that way no animals would have to die so that I can eat hearty. But maybe I'm calloused to all that; most of the time when I snarf down a burger, I don't have visions of big sad cow eyes staring at me. I suppose that makes me hardhearted and cruel. That's another reason the vegans out there will say you shouldn't eat meat; "we don't want animals to suffer", they say. And I suppose that's a good point. Although, once, I saw a "Twilight Zone" episode in which a little girl was picking flowers, and everytime she picked one, the little plant stalk cried out in pain. So, how much pain does one cause to a tree when they pick an apple? Or, when you wrench a cob of corn from the stalk? And who knows how much plant pain Euell Gibbons used to cause every time he wanted some Wild Hickory Nuts? (Aw, come on, you remember those old Post Cereal commercials, don'tcha?) Well, I've got to consume something; oxygen by itself just won't do the trick.
____________________

Speaking of oxygen, my doctor thinks I might not get enough when I'm sleeping. So I have to do this sleep-test thing. Friday night, I have to go to a sleep clinic, where they'll attach all kinds of wires, gizmos, bells and whistles to me, and then once I have several miles of cables attached to me, then they'll say, "now, SLEEP FOR US." Ack. They say they provide sleep meds. Great. I'll have half a bottle, please. I have a hard enough time getting to sleep as it is, me being just short of a raving insomniac, and now they're gonna try to get me to do just that, in a foreign environment, with all kinds of equipment strapped around me. Hmmm...maybe I should have some TURKEY before I do this sleep thing. They're always talking about the tryptophan in turkey being some kind of relaxation aid. That way, I can sleep and help the nation's energy crisis all at the same time. And, so far, this post has gone in a complete 360-degree circle, hasn't it? Meantime, I'm sure I've put at least a few readers to sleep here. ZZZZZzzzzzzz......
____________________

Talkin' baseball...Encouraging signs for the Seattle Mariners; they're hitting and scoring runs these days. In the process, they've proven the old saying, "you can't lose 'em all". And the pitching hasn't been too awfully bad, although Felix Hernandez has been a bit shaky in his last two starts after returning from a slight arm injury. Jeff Weaver, their megabucks pitcher who can't pitch, has turned down an offer to make a couple of minor-league starts...I guess that's his option. And frankly, the M's management doesn't know what to do with him. They paid megabucks for him, after all. If Weaver pitches and the M's lose, it's money wasted. If they don't use him at all, it's money wasted. If they send Weaver down to the minor leagues and make him stay there, it's money wasted. If the M's had wanted to use Weaver, they could've done so by now. He's been 'out' due to shoulder tightness. Anyway, he pitched a 'simulated game' recently, and he'll probably pitch another one and return to the M's in a couple of weeks. Weaver's record this season is already 0-5, with an ERA of 15,327,488.
____________________

Good Riddance...The Desiderata says, "avoid loud and aggressive people, for they are vexations to the spirit", and that DEFINITELY describes Rosie O'Donnell, who left ABC's "The View" after using that show as her own bully pulpit for who knows how long. Actually, I am probably unqualified to write about this, since I don't watch Daytime TV tripe, but over the last coupla months, the news shows have been sprinkling their programs with Rosie O'Donnell 'highlights' (low-lites?), in which she puts her foot down, stamps thru the floor, and yells at the rest of the gals in a voice that could make paint peel. In addition to being extremely strongly opinionated, her voice is just LOUD. Maybe she just oughta forget about TV appearances and go make a living as an Air Raid Siren; I think she's loud enough for that.
____________________

The MSNBC watch, volume 862...Joe Scarborough and his cronies are doing their thing in the 3-hour slot formerly occupied by "The I-man" again this week. On Monday, it was hard to watch, because ALL of the people on the program, were ALL talking at once; and it reminded me of times I've spent in coffee shops where there were half a dozen yuppies all sitting around a table, drinking their mochas and prattling on and on (and on) about nothing in particular. This was AWFUL to watch! Meanwhile, I read an article on the internet that says Imus' alleged 'racism' ain't what got him in trouble, it was the fact that SPONSORS were pulling their ads. That's what got Imus in trouble. Follow the money. Meantime, Imus has been hosting another group of 'kids with cancer' (of ALL races) at his Imus Ranch in New Mexico. Yup, he's a big, bad, mean and nasty racist, ain't he? Personally, I find Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson more offensive.
____________________

Well, I can't wait to get this sleep thing done. After I do that, I'll go home and try to get some rest. That shows you how my life has changed. I used to party on Friday nights. Now I'm doing sleep studies. I'm just too exciting for my own good, ain't I?