Saturday, January 27, 2007

A TOTAL COMPUTER MELTDOWN... was bound to happen sooner or later!!!

Actually, the computer I REPLACED my computer with melted down. The computer before that one caught a virus, and as a result, wouldn't move. A case of "computer constipation", if you will. So, a friend of mine who's into computers said, "well, I like to fix 'em, and I have one that works and I'll just trade ya". Okay...except, it wasn't okay. My replacement computer, from DAY ONE, made these weird grinding noises...crunch, grind, crunch, grind...I had to check the tower to make sure an electric pencil sharpener hadn't been installed in there somewhere! Anyway, when I got that computer down here to Oregon, I hooked it up to DSL...and it moved slower on DSL than it did on dial-up! I thot, "huh?", which I think every time something confuses me, which is often. A friend of mine down here said, "just go get a new hard drive, and I'll have ya up and running in no time flat." (Not his exact words, but close enough.) So, I thot, "yep, okay", and proceeded to do just that. I then ran into him last night and he said, "your mother-board's FRIED...the computer won't go anywhere or DO ANYTHING."

Okay, then. NO MORE SECOND-HAND COMPUTERS for this guy. It's sorta like buying a second-hand pair of blue jeans...the crotch ends up wearing out in a hurry, even though the jeans look good. (Aside: Jeans never look good on my body.) So, in a fit if impetuousness, I swallowed hard, concentrated all my gumption, and with my best John Wayne swagger, I burst open the doors of the local Radio Shack, and told the clerk, "Ah'm here to get a NEW COMPUTER...whatcha got?" (Severe artistic license there...) I am now a few hundred dollars poorer. There is no joy in Mudville; my wallet is depleted, and virtually shrinks in my hands, not wanting to show me its meager post-computer-dollar amount. Yes, I am the owner of a cowering wallet. Whimper, whine, whine, whine...but I am also the owner of a new HP PAVILION NOTEBOOK computer. Since my DSL modem also had wireless capabilities, all I had to do is PLUG-IN the computer and let 'er rip! (Of course, I had to perform many convoluted things, such as computer-registration at the HP website, updating the Adobe Acrobat, providing my eye color, hair color, shoe size and astrological sign. Well, I didn't do those last few, but you get the idea...basically, a lot of computer 'red tape'.)

What with my back (and indeed, my entire physique) the way it is...I ain't haulin' around no more heavy monitors or towers. Like John Wayne, I'll just git on mah horse, pullin' a wagon behind me, loaded with deceased computer parts, and head off to the cyber-version of Boot Hill. (There is a definite western theme brewing in this post, ain't thar?) I might as well get rid of the old computer. No one needs a paperweight THAT big! As I sit here typing away on a flat keyboard that takes some getting used to (remember, I learned to type on MANUAL clunker typewriters, moving over to the old style of computer keyboards whose keys are tiered a bit), I am frankly amazed that all of the capabilities of my old, big system (and more) are concentrated into this tiny little piece of computer equipment in front of me. Is it me, or is everything getting smaller these days? Speaking of smaller, I got a pair of headphones with this notebook computer. "THOSE are HEADPHONES?" Well, yeah. They consist basically of two inner-ear-plugs fastened together with a couple pieces of string. I would imagine those ear-plug units could actually fall inside your ear canal and get lost somewhere in your Eustachian tubes; and then you'd have to undergo some sort of cranial extraction process. That hurts to even think about it.

A comment on my earlier post concerning DOGGIE-STEPS has led me to believe I am too rough on a segment of society; namely those who are weak and/or frail who cannot pick up even the most lightweight furless chihuahua weasel-dog that probably weighs about six ounces. Okay, I stand corrected, and I apologize. And for heavens' sake, buy doggie-steps if you need them. But, since I am on the road to frailty (is that a word?), I have suitable pets for my approaching old age. (Maybe my old age is already here? Ack!) I've got PARAKEETS. A female and a male, who I have respectively named "Bonnie and Clyde". Renegade parakeets. So far, it's the female parakeet who I find weird. She sticks her head in the seed bin, comes up with a full beakful of seeds, and then violently shakes her head from side to side, throwing seeds all over my carpet! The little male parakeet just kinda looks up at the female parakeet and tries to keep the peace. The things us males have to put up with sometimes, I tell ya...

So anyway, I have a year's warranty on my new little notebook computer that, supposedly, I can take anywhere, tho I'm not sure why I'd want to. I have a one-year unconditional warranty, after all. Which means that my computer will go bad in exactly 366 days. A habit I'm trying to shake is reaching for the mouse...this machine has a little touch-pad instead of a mouse. But I find myself reaching for the mouse anyway. Which makes me about as dumb as a parakeet. Chirp!


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