"Thing" a "thimple thong"!
...or, when some people bare it, I don't GRIN!

For those who aren't familiar with the Coeur d'Alene area, we have a lake and a beach. Now, Coeur d'Alene's beach isn't as liberal as your average European topless beach. Not even as liberal as California, where I hear there are designated topless beaches. So, gripes that we have here might seem shallow or without merit in other areas, but I guess I have to take that chance. There is a guy around here who is disaffectionately referred to as "Thong Man". He is the ONLY guy I've seen who dares to wear a THONG at our city's beach. About 10 years ago, this caused a whole lotta controversy in town. I've seen the guy, and he's not fat like me, but he's no Charles Atlas or Jack LaLanne. He's just an average-looking dude who likes to turn the other CHEEK!

He once wrote a letter to the editor, saying something to the effect of, 'the human body is a beautiful thing and people should feel free to display it'. At the time, I was a runner, about 50 lbs. lighter than I am now. I even ran marathons. And I wrote a letter to the editor which said, "while I'm proud of what my body can do, there's some parts of it that should never be seen!" And now that I've GAINED weight, that's ESPECIALLY true. I've seen him on the beach. He'll stand up, look slowly around him, to see if anyone's watching. He's even been to the beach with a woman and her kids. What a great example he's setting, huh?

Once I was sitting behind the sea wall on a bench, and damned if he doesn't lay down his towel directly in front of me, near the water, about 30 feet away from me, right in my line of sight. I got so disgusted I had to move. I like to look at the waterfront, at all the different things happening, but I had to avert my eyes every time I was looking in front of me. Sorry, I didn't want to see THAT. So I moved down to the other end of the beach. I felt like my "visual rights" had been violated somehow. I guess it's important for some people to display their bare butts on the beach for all to see. Me, I hope he gets SUNBURNED there!

Now, I suppose I'm a hypocrite. Were it a FEMALE in front of me similarly attired, I'd probably wear out my eyes staring at her. But I have to ask, do women actually think guys in thongs are good-looking? As far as I can see, the view consists of two cheeks with a string in-between. In my book, not all that flattering. And, think of the discomfort! Ack! Of course, I might be unnecessarily uptight; I don't even take my SHIRT off in front of people. Yet, this guy preens and poses in front of everyone like he's God's gift. To me, he just looks sleazy. "So why do you look at him", you ask. Well, it's hard to look away from a train wreck. It's hard to ignore anything that's grotesque.

The following item, which is also "nightmare material" points to one of the more important differences between men and women. And, the character on the RIGHT would be ME, trying to imitate "thong man". Face it, if I tried that, anyone who saw me would immediately fall down and go into an irreversible coma...

Well, I've gone and done it. I guess I am a rotten son of the beach. Everyone seems so "frank and open" about "things" these days, but with my upbringing, there's no way I could be like that. Maybe I have my narrow little way of seeing the world. Friends of mine couldn't believe I'd written a letter condemning "thong man". They thought I'd be cool about it. But we are who we are, I guess. There's even a 5K footrace for all of those "frank and open" folks; it's held at a nudist colony in Eastern Washington. The race is called the "Bare Buns" fun run; participants can choose to wear clothes...or not...

Gosh...that's all I'd need...I'd keep my running outfit on, of course, but I just wouldn't want to see all of that bouncing and flouncing. Of course, that's a moot point now that I no longer run. But back when I was running, people were trying to get me to do that race...I couldn't even IMAGINE myself being in a situation like that. It's hard to be me...I'm so wide-open concerning music that I didn't need drugs to love all of the psychedelic stuff. But, I guess I should openly admit here, that I am a PRUDE. And I'm proud of my prudity! (I just made a new word!)
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How about that...me, a male spinster? There's just a TIME and a PLACE for certain things! Not "everything" is meant to be seen by everyone! So please don't flaunt your BUTT in my face!