"I saw a dog chasing a cat,
and they were both WALKING!"
...allegedly that's how H-O-T it's gonna get this weekend...

Well, I'm not happy about it. It's already warm enough to where I'm going thru 2 or 3 bottles of Gator-ade, Power-ade, or whatever-ade I can find. But the weathercasters up here are drooling and salivating all over themselves as they rub their hands together, knowing they're holding their broadcast audience in total suspense, telling us all how H-O-T it's gonna be this weekend. I guess the "big sizzle" begins on or about Friday, and lasts thru at least mid-week next week. NOT FUN, PEOPLE!

Oh yeah, sure, the good weather and the heat bring out the people, and their almighty dollars with them. But I think the question must be asked: "When it's that hot, how can you enjoy ANYTHING?" Come on, people, when it's up over 95 degrees, it's PURE HELL. I look at the heat as a foe that I have to endure and hopefully outwit. Because the heat is trying to get ME. I take this personally. I hide from it. We're in for the kind of weather where it's HOT for HOURS after the sun goes down. And that's what weirds me out, when it gets to the place where it ain't even cool in the SHADE.


Coughing up hairballs in the heat just ain't no fun for this cat!

Okay, I realize I've already bitched about the heat in previous posts. I'm aware of that. After all, the heat hasn't got me (yet). It is probably best to remain as hydrated as possible over the next few days. In other words, DRINK UP! (No, that's not an excuse to 'tie one on' although it might feel like its helping at the time.) Everywhere you go this weekend, you'll see bottles of all kinds of drinks designed to hydrate your system. A lot of bottled water is out there, too. On principle, I won't buy a liquid I can get from my own TAP. That would be sorta like going to Beverly's Restaurant and ordering a peanut-butter sandwich. Oh, you'd probably get one, with a $25.00 price tag attached.

I've told y'all in past columns that I used to be a runner. I am rather large, so it took a lot of calories to keep me going, and a whole lotta liquids to keep me from drying up. I remember one excruciating 18-mile training run I did in late May a few years back, and it got so hot, that when I was done running, I drank an entire gallon pitcher of GRAPE Gatorade. It tasted Tremendous! So what did Gatorade do? Because I liked Grape Gatorade so much, they pulled that flavor off the market. Oh, they sell a purple-colored drink, called "big berry blast" or some such thing. But that ice-cold Grape Gatorade on a hot day was pure HEAVEN! It had an AMAZING flavor.

I used to drink "All-Sport", back in the days when it was CARBONATED. It was very REFRESHING that way. Their carbonated fruit punch was simply WONDERFUL. So what did All-Sport do? Because I liked it so much, they STOPPED "Carbonating" their drink! Which means that "All-Sport" ended up tasting like everything else out there. I was disappointed. I'll betcha "carbonating" their sports drinks cost the "All-Sport" too much money. That's usually the case when a service or product is modified, especially when that modification results in less satisfying results. Follow the Money, I keep saying!

So, instead of griping and whining about the heat, (since I've already done that 'ad nauseum'), I'll share with you info on some drinks that have helped me make it thru the heat. Face it, it's hard to drink the standard "8 glasses of water" on a COOL day. So we all basically under-hydrate ourselves. I've seen people who were standing for a ceremony in the hot HEAT just keel over from it all. I can't afford to keel over; if I did, I'd throw something out, and probably wake up in traction somewhere. So anyway, here are some sports drinks that just might end up comin' in handy during the approaching heatstorm:

Gatorade: They make a stupendous flavor called "Citrus Cooler" (at least they used to). It is a grrreat-tasting beverage; it's got a great tart flavor without becoming disgustingly sour. A great thirst quencher. If you can't find any of that flavor, Gatorade's ORANGE is also very tasty. It hits the spot. Actually, most of Gatorade's citrus-type flavers are pretty good.

PowerAde: (Made by the mighty Coca-Cola Company) Right now, it's on sale at various places around town. I have a semi-permanent red stain on my top lip from drinking Powerade Fruit Punch as much as I do. It has a rich flavor, plenty of body (no, it's not wine), and tastes great ice-cold. In comparison with Gatorade's "Orange", I find PowerAde's "Orange" weak-tasting, though. It seems like each Sport Drink Brand has a different "best" flavor.

SAFEWAY has its own brand of sports drink (or they HAD, anyway) it is/was called "Winners". I wouldn't be surprised if it's Gatorade with a Safeway Label. (Some of the big manufacturers do that kind of thing). The Safeway ORANGE was absolutely delicious. It's like nectar for the heat. And occasionally Safeway runs great specials on the stuff.

LEMONADE is always an important part of summer; a really good thirst quencher is the bottled Minute Maid LEMONADE. It's probably all synthetic (I've never seen any pulp-like substances in it), but it tastes WILD. I almost hate to swallow it because it tastes so good. I just wanna keep my yap full o'that stuff forever. I used to have a bottle of that with me when I drove cab in the hot summers. It got me thru many a hot scorcher.

I was also intrigued when I found out "Country Time" Lemonade became available in bottled form, and it's every bit as good as Minute Maid. As a matter of fact, I think these bottled Lemonades are probably the best out-and-out thirst quenchers of all. Funny thing with "Country Time", though; I later bought a can of the powdered drink mix...and I could never make my self-made Country Time Lemonade taste as good as the bottled stuff. Of course, I can't boil water, either...

Also refreshing are the unusual flavor-combination drinks that are made by Sobe (SO-bee); my favorite is the Orange-Carrot Elixir. No, you can't taste the carrots. It has a smooth, mellow orange taste to it, and it's a delight to drink, and I ain't kidding. The only Sobe beverage that I didn't care for was some sort of creamy-white beverage; I couldn't finish even HALF the bottle. But the Orange-Carrot Elixir is terrific, and they also have a Cranberry-type drink that's also really good. Sobe beverages are unusual, in that they're reasonably priced, but they come in glass bottles...usually priced around $1.39. In all fairness, though, Sobe is something I'd drink at home in front of the TV, rather than out in the hot heat somewhere.

Whenever I wanted a can of pop or something when I lived at home, my Dad would always say, "drink water". Well, yeah, undeniably there are times when cold water tastes like nature's sweet nectar. Trouble is, it has no fortifying ingredients. Yes, it hydrates you but doesn't put any minerals or vitamins back into your body. In contrast, I believe a full bottle of the Powerade I drink has about 50 or 60% of the daily requirements for "B" vitamins, if not more.

I never drink Pop to quench my thirst. I usually drink it because I crave something carbonated. Face it, "carbonation" is one of the few legal "rushes" out there. Everyone asks, "Coke or Pepsi"? For me, Pepsi all the way. Although I do really like the taste of Coke out of a tap. But bottled, it's gotta be Pepsi, or you can't dance with me. Come to think of it, I can't dance. But for some reason, a 16-ounce bottle of Pepsi is always a great summertime companion. I've heard it said that one shouldn't depend on pop for their hydration purposes on a hot day, however; pop can conduct the fluids OUT of yer system. Which is why I like the idea of sport drinks so much. At least you're replacing something WITH "something", if you get my drift.

There is one brand of drink I STAY AWAY FROM. I have had just about every flavor they make, and NONE OF THEM TASTE GOOD. I'm talking about SNAPPLE. The flavors are always weak and relatively tasteless. It tastes like someone dipped a tea-bag-thing of whatever flavor into the liquid and retracted it after 5 seconds or so. I have never been able to understand how SNAPPLE manages to sell anything. But then again, that's me. Take care in the heat. Oh yeah, just because it may be hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk, I wouldn't advise that you actually DO that. There's not a whole-lotta teflon-coated sidewalks out there.
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For some strange reason, after having written this post, I'm thirsty all of a sudden. Powerade, here I come!