Yep, it's warm, it's hot, it's the first day of Summer! My advice?
ENJOY THE WARMTH WHILE YOU CAN!

I'll just bet that it's been a while since you've thought about your pipes freezing, or wondering how you're going to get out of your driveway after a long night's snowfall. I can imagine you've put away the long undies, and that it's been a while since you've had any hot chocolate. The furthest thing from your mind right now is getting pelted by some kid's icy, dripping, hand-packed slushball. And who can blame ya for having forgotten about that unwelcome guest, namely, "Old Man Winter?" After all, today is the first day of Summer. Yep, it's June 21st, the LONGEST day of the year. And he's gone from our collective memories for at least a while. But, I have it on good authority he's out there, lingering around in the Southern Hemisphere somewhere, wreaking havoc down there. He gets tired of being in the same place, after all, so he packs up for a while and heads elsewhere. But he's out there. And as proof, I have a picture:



All I can say is, "BRRRRRRRRR!" Enjoy the summer while you can. For, the days become continually shorter from here on in.

Nothing to sneeze at dept.: If you have a spare $7,000 that you just don't know what to do with (indeed, people like you stay at the CDA Rezzort!), you might want to go to the State of New York (is it a state of mind?), and buy yourself a genetically-engineered KITTEN. Born and bred not to make you ALLERGIC to them. I don't have the specifics (I usually never read that far down in the article!), but I guess whatever cats "have" that makes you allergic can be engineered out of their collective constitutions. I love cats, but if I touch one, and then touch my face, I break out, get watery eyes and start sneezing. So if I pet a cat or ANY other animal, afterwards, I've gotta find a tap and soak my hands. Now, if scientists could find a way to do that with POLLEN...

That does not compute dept.: I guess Java on Sherman is a "Wi-Fi" place. Makes sense to me. After all, once I was in a stereo shop...It was a "Hi-Fi" place. (groannnn...) Anyway, a lot of folks are takin' their 'puters with them, and over a relaxing cup of coffee, they proceed to un-relax by taking out their computers and flailing away on them. The only question I have is, if I did all my computing over coffee in the daytime, what the heck would I do at NIGHT?

It's still not funny and never will be dept.: Obviously, this is gonna be a gripe about one of the newspaper's comic strips, "Get Fuzzy". In that strip, Bucky, the mean old cat has been staging a sort-of "Jeopardy"-based game-show thing for the past week or so. Bucky's owner complains over and over how stupid the cat is, and the Dog in the comic strip remains Bucky's erstwhile, but bumbling aide-de-camp. And this is ONE OF THE MOST STUPID COMIC STRIPS EVER DRAWN!!! I think the Spokesman-Review oughta replace "Get Fuzzy" with something more entertaining. Like leftover legal notices.

I must be a foreign policy wizard! dept.: While contemplating the deplorable middle-east situation, having become aware that two of our soldiers were tortured and killed in revenge for our nation doing away with Mr. Zarqawi, and having also heard about the imminent launch of nuclear weapons in Korea, I came up with the PRACTICAL solution to all of this. Let's have Korea aim their nuclear warheads at IRAQ and IRAN. We can then withdraw our troops, and enjoy the spectacle of those Middle-East Meanies being sent running for cover. The 24-hour news channels would just go stark-raving NUTS over this. ALL NEWS, ALL OF THE TIME. It ain't just "film at eleven" anymore! They'd make tons of money from all the overpriced 'VIAGRA' and 'DEPENDS' spots they'd sell.

This will probably never again happen in my lifetime dept.: One day, while looking over my mail, I saw one of those suspicious "windowed envelopes" from the hospital that I'd just paid with blood money (literally!)...I thot, "I already took care of the bill"...so I opened it and, lo and behold, there was a REFUND CHECK for Ten Dollars and Fifty-Five cents! Well, I've been getting treated for all kindsa things, but it's good that I'm not a Coronary Care patient or I would've had a heart attack! A REFUND from the HOSPITAL? I guess they'd charged me too much for something. Let's see, what will $10.55 buy in a hospital? The only thing I can think of is, I had one of their little half-cans of soda in the recovery room, but they charged me for juice, which costs about twice as much. $10.55 for one of those little 6 ounce cans of soda? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Why couldn't he have spilled his coffee in his lap dept.: Society is chock-full of rules. If you commit some sort of transgression, it's a weak excuse if you say, "hey, I didn't know about that". Society has a way of judging you if you screw up, after all. Certainly, those who choose to serve in law enforcement have to be even more aware than the rest of us, of the distinction of "right and wrong"; after all, they're the ones who BUST us when WE screw up. Well, one of society's basic requirements is that "when you get your morning coffee from a Java hut, you shouldn't expose yourself in the process." Now, I don't know if that particular RULE is written down in the lawbooks, but I'm sure there's something in there, that covers that. And, I'm wondering if the Spokane Police Detective who DID that, read that part of the rule book. He (allegedly) put himself on display for the coffee-hut girl who he thot had the hots for him. A Law Enforcement guy. How about that. But after the whole sordid Tom DeBartolo wife-killing situation of a few years ago, I guess nothing surprises me anymore.

Jes' LOOKIT at that thang comin' outta the ground (in 2 parts) dept.: The Ironman Triathalon preparations are underway...which only adds to the toxic amount of confused pandemonium in our tourist-infested downtown. My advice? Don't even GO down there. The city park is basically OFF LIMITS to us local taxpayers, who PAY city employees to maintain a beautiful park for all of us. The crush of humanity downtown impedes any efforts to walk with a normal motion; I was cautiously negotiating the sidewalk on Sherman Avenue today, and a family came RACING out of a storefront, there were 2 adults, and 2 or 3 kids, and they just about RAN ME DOWN! Me with my bad back that doesn't bend! That hurts all the frickin' time! What the HELL is it, am I INVISIBLE, dammit????? Remember, in my previous post, I talked about INCONSIDERATE people? THIS is what I MEAN! I'm actually kinda ticked off about this!

So instead of going to the park, I went over to Sanders Beach. The part that people can still USE, that is. I wouldn't wanna get shot by a rabid, foaming-at-the-mouth homeowner because I don't know where the "line in the sand" signifying the 2,130-foot level is, above which (allegedly) private property is located. And there were only 3 or 4 people at the beach. Peace and QUIET! And I looked toward the east, and past the overpriced Rezzort golf course, the new Haggacondo is being built in the distance. I don't know how tall it's gonna be, but it ALREADY dwarfs everything in sight. So I looked straight ahead at the lake for a couple of hours and went home.
____________________

And you wonder why I haven't tried to write a biography? A sheet of blank notebook paper would be more exciting. Now I'll just try to cool out and "take a pill", which will be easy for me, since I now have so many prescriptions, I just go crazy every night a-gulping away.