Saturday, June 24, 2006

...A little on the TRASHY side...
...the dark underbelly of junk mail exposes itself...

Over the last few months, the amount of junk mail I've received in my in-box has SKYROCKETED. And all of these people who don't know me are trying to do so many good things for me by showing me tons and tons of special offers that will make my life easier. I am now getting over 200 junk mails each day, trying to sell me everything under the sun. Some e-mails are concerned that "I'm not pleasing my lover fully". Those would be the Viagra e-mails. Well, thanks for thinking of me, but if you knew how inactive my social life is, you wouldn't waste your time.

There are those out there who are concerned that I might need transportation. How nice of them. So they e-mail me and tell me that I have an opportunity to buy a new car, even if my credit is BAAAD. They don't tell you that whoever you get set-up with will probably charge 8,000% interest, compounded hourly. Well, this could go either of two ways: I mean, I lose my car if I don't make the high payments. Would this disappoint the e-mailers because I'd lost my transportation? Maybe, but I don't think so. Most likely, they'd be jumping for joy because maybe I'd need to get another car from them, because after all my credit is WORSE. And then they could charge me MORE! I understand that "credit" is the American way, but I hope they don't think I'm unpatriotic if I delete their e-mails.

I get other e-mails that make me feel oh, so cared about, because they warmly congratulate me on receiving some special offer on some item that I most likely don't need, and when I realize that, I don't feel so warm anymore. Other junk mails care about the fact that I might be lonely, and that all I have to do is enter a website, or call an '800' number that'll hook me up to an adult number that's foreign-based and will charge me $72.57 cents a minute to get cooed to by some lady I'll never meet. And then I realize I'd rather be lonely.

But the junk mails that really INSULT ME are the ones that say, "just for you! Ebay tips for DUMMIES!" Hey wait a minute there, bud...I've bought hundreds of items on Ebay, and I'm doing just fine. The absolute last thing I need is a condescending e-mail, after all. If I'm gonna get JUNK in my in-box, I at least want GOOD junk. Oh, and I guess the credit card companies aren't doing enough business, because they really, Really, REALLY want me to commit to a charge card, one which will charge me a gazillion dollars interest if I'm 30 seconds late with my monthly payment. I'd really like to help them out, so they could make a sale and earn more food for their families, but I just kinda have something against the prospect of wallowing in the murky tarpit of eternal debt. That just doesn't hit me right, somehow.

Still, there is a bright side to all of this junk-mail contact; at least it's not cluttering up the mailbox at my house, and people aren't knock-knock-knockin' at my door all day trying to sell me stuff. So maybe that's the biggest favor junk e-mailers do for people; they take all of the garbage that would normally end up in your trash can can and instead, send it to you online, so you can either look at everything before deleting, or just delete 'em all before you've read anything. So I thank you, you e-mail junk people. You are, in fact, doing us a grrrreat service.

Fishermen get their share of trash, too. I haven't fished for many years, but it's quite disheartening to have a fish hit your line and fight like a bat out of Hades, and you exhaust yourself trying to land the thing, and when you scoop it up into your net, it's a squawfish or sucker fish; after all, that's the last thing you'd eat, because those fish are the pond-scum sucking bottom feeders of the fish community, and besides that, from what I remember, they look kinda gross, too. So you end up cuttin' em loose, like the poor guy in the picture below...

This photo was provided to nature lovers everywhere courtesy of

Finally, before I go, I have to reveal how much of a hypocrite I've been. I've complained all week about not being able to go to City Park because it's all taken up by this weekend's Ironman Triathalon staging area. Back in the '90s, I ran the Portland Marathon three times. And, a big park in the downtown area was reserved for runners only, after they crossed the finish line. Food, beverages and medical aid were offered in the park. So, a race I was in probably "took" someone's park away from them. I know how painful a marathon-only can be, let alone a marathon run in the hottest part of the day AFTER swimming 2 and a half miles and biking over 100 miles. So I wish the participants all the best of luck. And I'll return to the blogrolls Monday. (or sooner, if I get really crazy)


Blogger Scan said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:56 AM  
Blogger Scan said...

Feel better? *chuckle*

5:56 AM  
Blogger little ol' me said...

Hey Scanman...I always feel better when I can bitch about something. Until something else makes me feel rotten, that is!

10:13 PM  
Blogger Jinx said...

So did you decide at the last minute to join the Triatholon?
I am sure that was you I saw running. lol
I rode my bike the mile or so to go watch the runners for a while but that was about it.

4:22 PM  
Blogger Word Tosser said...

The junk mail that I didn't care for was the funeral insurance... that freaked me do they know how old I am from my email address... lol

7:26 PM  
Blogger little ol' me said..., no, not me in the Triathalon. I was nuts enough to run 11 Marathons in the '90s; my body just won't do that kinda stuff anymore. But, I went to the dike road, guitar in hand, sat on the Sea Wall by the North Idaho College entrance, and played in the heat for the runners; they were very appreciative in spite of the fact that I probably sing like a Sea Cow.

Heya Cis, you're not old; heck, you'll probably outlive me! Funeral Insurance? Me, I'll probably just do the "cremate and scatter" thing. I don't want anyone crying over my grave! And, as a ceremony, they can listen to "Hey Jude" by the Beatles and then walk on the Centennial Trail, which I've used so much!

2:05 AM  

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