HEADLINES that will give you WRINKLES!
Or, in this world, why take any more chances than you have to, right?

If you're one who writes headlines for a newspaper, obviously it's your job to try and sum up the article into a brief, crisp, clear, concise few words so the reader will have some kind of clue what he's gonna be reading about. And one headline writer wasn't taking any kind of chances with an article about gasoline in today's paper. We all know it's going up, right? We've known that for AGES now. Well, at least a couple of months, anyway. An article today was prefaced with the headline, "GAS PRICE RISES LIKELY" Really??? That's about as profound as saying gravity pulls things DOWNWARD.

However, another headline REALLY threw me for a loop. Habitually, I'll buy a newspaper and read it over coffee or over breakfast. Today, that's what I did. Grabbed a paper and went into the restaurant. Laid the paper down on the counter, and got smacked with the following header: "NIC (North Idaho College) GETS ITS FIRST CADAVER." Ulp!!! Hey, I've been contemplating my mortality ENOUGH lately, going to all of these different DOCTORS around here. And, the headline wasn't referring to any students who've had massive coronaries because tuition there has risen so much. It was a 90-year old lady cadaver, actually. (cadaverette?) Another weird parallel here...my e-mail screen name is "cdadave" (Dave in Coeur d'Alene), and if you put an "A" after the "C", remove one "D", and tack on an "R" at the end, it spells "cadaver"! Yikes!!!

Here's another jewel of a headline by yet another headline writer who was obviously playing it safe...page A5 of the S-R this time: "HEART DEFIBRILLATOR REPLACEMENT CAN BE HIGH-RISK SURGERY". CAN??? When is cutting one's chest open, propping the rib cage open with a crowbar, and taking out a device that assists the heart NOT ABSOLUTELY DANGEROUS? Next thing you know, I'm gonna see a headline somewhere that reads, "DEATH CAN BE FATAL". No kidding!!! I've heard that the paper is trying to cut back on the amount of mistakes it makes, but I kinda think "carefulness" such as is exemplified in these headlines is going just a bit too far.
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I've got a headline for ya dept.: HYDROPLANES are FAST BOATS. Well, if you're piloting the X-15, hydro's may not be all that fast, but you get my drift. Hopefully. Anyway, I tried to post this hydro-brochure-cover several weeks ago, but that was when my computer was beginning to come down with amnesia; it couldn't remember what I was telling it to do. This time, I have a sledgehammer at my side, and my computer knows I will USE IT, so it's behaving. Although, it probably laughs at me behind my back...or every time I have to reboot.

ANYWAY, from the year 1962, here is a brochure that PROVES the hydros raced upon CDA Lake once upon a time...you can actually see Tubbs Hill in the background of the artwork:


This serves as another reminder of times past, before yuppies, condos, cellphones, rap music, eyesore resorts and other irritating factors which all serve to chip away at today's society. In 1962, I was 8 years old, in 2nd grade, and we were still 2 years away from Beatlemania. Long, long ago, long ago..........
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For a change today, I got a bill that I didn't OWE! The bill was for partial payment for my back-steroid shot, but I'd paid the whole thing AHEAD. Still, I got the bill. Paranoid as ever, I called and was reassured I didn't owe anything. I tells ya, you gotta WATCH these medical people!