Thursday, March 23, 2006

I'll bet that EINSTEIN never thought about this!
...and yet, it's an age-old dilemma that still rages on today!

There was a book that hypothesizes that "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." Well, from what I've learned from my study of astronomy, the solar system and the like (and I have read pretty seriously about it), I'd say us guys got the better end of the deal. Let me tell you a little bit about Venus. It's about the size of Earth, but since it is closer to the sun, all of the carbon dioxide in the planet's material structure rose up to become a permanent part of the atmosphere, causing a massive "greenhouse effect" over the whole planet. So the sun's rays come through Venus' massive cloud cover, but all of the heat STAYS.

That means the surface of Venus is approximately 750 degrees above zero Fahrenheit on the COOLEST day, even on the planet's dark side. The atmosphere on Venus is so dense, that if you could stand on the planet's surface, you would feel like you were a couple of miles UNDERWATER. If you bent down to pick up a flat rock, and then you dropped it, the rock wouldn't fall straight to the ground. It would wobble from side to side, much as if you dropped it into a lake and watched it sink into the bottom. But possibly the biggest reason that Venus will never be a popular tourist destination is that it rains pure, unadulterated SULFURIC ACID. A Russian space probe was sent to Venus some time ago, and it DISINTEGRATED within 4 hours of landing, due to all the chemicals in the atmosphere.

Mars, on the other hand, may be a bit on the "cool" side, but...given a space suit, or a pressurized space condo or whatever, one could probably survive there. You'd need to bring oxygen, definitely, since Mars isn't quite large enough to have the gravity to hold an atmosphere in place. There is ICE on Mars. Large rivers once ran through the planet. A Martian Canyon, the "Valles Marineris" is easily 4 or 5 times the size of our Grand Canyon. It may be tough to survive on Mars, but at least you'd have a fighting chance as long as you stayed on the planet's dark side. (Bringing along a heater might be advised) If you're caught on Mars' sun side, it's best if you had an air conditioner. Still, I'd take my chances on Mars ANY DAY over Venus. For, Venus doesn't give you ANY KIND OF CHANCE at all.

Therefore, VENUS would cause you PROBLEMS. In short, if women are from VENUS, they have the potential to cause us guys problems, too. In fact, I have MATHEMATICAL PROOF that women are problems, documented here, taken from an e-mail that someone sent to me. I may get in BIG trouble for posting this, but it had to be done:

There you have it. "Women are the root of all problems." Surprisingly, Einstein never thought of this. Or he, being more intelligent than I, just kept his yap shut when he came to this conclusion. I am basically a mathematical idiot, so looking at this hurts what's left of my brain. Still, there seems to be some logic in there.

I've come to the conclusion, after reading the above, that I must have some kind of pathological death wish. A couple of newer, less flagrant (but equally idiotic) posts lurk below.


Blogger fly-on-the-wall said...

cdadave, this is awesome. I should be smart enough not to show my wife, but I can't resist!

5:28 PM  
Blogger stebbijo said...

Pretty funny! But the truth be told - I am not about the money - but it would be nice to have more of it! ;-)

6:31 PM  
Blogger Dogwalkmusings said...

Oh, Dave, Dave, Dave...

6:38 PM  
Blogger little ol' me said...

Thom, I will advise you here, "do it at your own risk". That takes me off the hook if your wife beats you over the head with a skillet.

Stebbi, I'm not about the money either, even tho I wanna be STINKING FILTHY RICH.

Ms. Dogwalker, I suppose you can use one of your dogwalking interludes to get back at me somehow.

8:27 PM  

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