Thursday, January 26, 2006

Could this be yet another example of...

An "opinion" article in today's paper caught my eye, and caused me to take a look at how I've been blogging lately. The author of the article basically commented on how people distort various things in their blogs, because, after all, they CAN, since they are protected by the curtain of anonymity (theoretically, anyway). Instead of writing fairly, said the author, many bloggers basically turn into flame-belching egocentric shallow-minded simplistic computer androids. (So I've editorialized a bit in that last sentence. Shoot me!) The author listed three basic elements of "skilled idiotic blogging"; and I wondered, "do I do any of that?" The author's three blog-idiot criteria included:

1. Making up funny names. Why, I never do that! Not me! Not when I refer to our idiot Prezzident, not when I refer to the overpriced, money-grubbing CDA Rezzort, not when I refer to developers as scumsucking, shortsighted, ultra-ravenous, foaming-at-the-mouth, fire-breathing open-space eradicators...NOT ME! And DEFINITELY not when I refer to our city's own public-relations-oriented "snoozepaper" as the Coeur d'Alene DEpress...I don't make up funny names at ALL! Indeed, there's nothing funny at all about the names I give such entities, because, sadly, those names apply, (virtually) across the board. very seldom funny.

2. Swear Angrily. DAMMIT, I never do this! What the HELL could that writer been thinking, "me swear angrily." That's a load of CRAP. Even though I think a lot of people are full of "$%#@", "&%@#" and "%&@!!!", I don't swear at them. The same thing goes for governmental blunders in our city and county which are perpetrated by a bunch of "&^%(**)'s", as well as those &%^$#$@@!!! idiots in Congress who wiretap phones, waste our tax dollars and attach self-serving "riders" to legislation which will make them look good to their constituents. I don't even swear at the "*&(^^%)#$@!!! traffic stings that area police forces subject us all to, even when some &^%&$$#!! Police Sergeant is standing at the end of a "*&(^%$ing" freeway on-ramp, deceiving motorists into thinking he's just an unfortunate guy looking for a handout, and all the while, he's scoping you out to see if you're wearing your "&%(($#%))!!!" seatbelt, and if you're not, he radios ahead to another "(*&^%$!!!" cop who then BUSTS you. I will NEVER swear in this blog, but that tactic is full of "(*&^&%#%$@#)"!!!.

3. Hyperbolize Everything. Evidently it's this activity that turns you into an insatiable, drooling, antagonistic, idiotic, two-bagels-short-of-three-dozen "flame-belching troll" (the author actually used that phrase). "Hyperbolize"? I'm not sure what even MEANS, but it seems to imply that there's a lot of EXAGGERATION involved. In which case, I never do that, either. Not me! I don't constantly, mercilessly, without provocation, insanely elucidate my sheer desperation when I constantly observe how much short-sighted, inconsiderate, manipulative, mind-bending, useless, energy-draining, malicious behavior seems to be everywhere in society. I really do try to "police" myself when blogging. After all, I don't want to turn into just another doe-headed, scumsucking, muckraking sleazeball BLOG MORON. Not me!!!

Yes, it's good to know I'm not just another "Skilled Idiotic Blogger". I believe in being an individual, after all. I'd like to think that I'm a very UNIQUE "Skilled Idiotic Blogger". Always fair, biased and balanced. Okay, time now for me to end this section and embark on some other topics which I will mercilessly rip to shreds. Isn't blogging FUN!?!?


As if cell-phones weren't bad enough dept.: The idea is to get AWAY from the phone, right? Well, I guess not, since people basically want to give up their freedom by tying themselves to a cell-phone. I'd rather wear handcuffs. Anyway, these cell-phone people, well, a lot of them anyway, want YOU to know what kind of music they are fans of when their Cell-phone rings. So, they buy things called "ring-tones". When their cell-phone rings, a "snippet" of "whatever their favorite music is" can be heard far and wide. They're saying, "hey, everybody! This is ME! This is MY music! Now excuse me while I annoy you all, as I yak and yak and yak some more on my precious cell-phone!" My suggestion for a great ring-tone? Use the first few seconds of the 1967 song, "Fire" by The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown. Your cell-phone would ring, and out of its speaker would come the words, "I AM THE GOD OF HELL-FIRE, AND I BRING YOU...FIRE!!!" Now, I think THAT would be GRREAT!!!


Uh-oh, another new word for the dictionary dept.: It looks like Webster's dictionary is gonna hafta update itself again, for there seems to be a new descriptive that's making the rounds; the word "brokeback" in the gay caballero movie, "Brokeback Mountain." For instance, if my blogpage was pink, with flowers on it, someone might say, "hey, that dude's blogsite looks awfully BROKEBACK to me!" The word "brokeback", coming to mean an "indicator of questionable masculinity" according to the news article I read. Sometimes I think I need to quit reading the paper for a while. Especially in instances like these. I feel kinda "brain-broke".


What was up...must come down dept.: The location: 6th and Sherman, downtown CDA. The subject: The former gas station that became I.C. Sweet's ice-cream place a coupla years ago. Why I give a "%$&#@!!!" about this: It's a comin' down. The canopy that formerly covered the gas pumps is now resting on the ground. Soon, the "Social Insecurity" office will also have to relocate. And, when more CONDO's are built on that block, more rich folks will "relocate" from elsewhere so they can live in an overpriced crows' nest of their own! It'll be interesting to take a survey someday, to find out what percentage of Coeur d'Alene's downtown residents live at least 75 feet off the ground. The new CDA Chamber of Commerce slogan may one day be, "Come To Coeur d'Alene and be ABOVE IT ALL!"


Is this blog entry ever gonna END? dept.: Well, yeah. But I think you can tell I've had serious fun with this posting. But, all good things must end. And so must this garbled example of brain-cell "overflow". So, here's a picture that might bring back ("bringback"?) some memories for a few of you out there. Since I never was a girl scout, it does nothing for me. (If I'd ever been a "girlscout", I guess I'd have been "severely brokebacked", right?) HEY, I WAS A CUB SCOUT! Got all the way thru "Webelos" before deciding that was wasting my time! Anyway, here's the picture...

This time around, we go out to "Windy Bay" (aren't they all?) on Coeur d'Alene Lake, where evidently, there was a girl scout camp. My sister was a girl scout; she went to "Camp Neewahlu" on CDA Lake; where was that located as opposed to "Windy Bay"?

Hey, us poor folks never have enough $$$ to have a boat or take cruises on the lake. That's the irony...the "natives" never get to go out on their own body of water. I wonder what percentage of lake boaters are financially-furnished, out-of-state folks who know absolutely nothing about the area? And what percentage of them stay at the out-of-touch, ultra-expensive, no-tip-is-big-enuff CDA Rezzort? So anyway, I'll close now before this blog entry veers any closer to "skilled idiocy".

Hey, don't blame me for this mess! I wasn't in my right mind when I wrote it. I plead ignorance! I had a tumultous childhood! Growing up, I didn't have positive role models! I accidentally got sick to my stomach on green apples at age 5! These are some of the many defenses I'll utilize should someone take me to task for sheer blog ineptitude. It's not my fault!


Anonymous Kick Shoe said...

Hey, Dave. I don't care what kind of skilled idiotic blogger you are. I love your blogging. Keep it up and let the journalists be damned. They're boring anyway. I never read the paper, but I read you. Always.

8:54 PM  
Blogger little ol' me said...

Thanks Cathy, you doll, you...I love to read the paper; I feel more 'connected' when I do. And, how great it is to be able to comment on things. So, reading the paper is "garbage in" and blogging then becomes "garbage out". The last couple of posts of mine have been really good, (I think, anyway), but I have my days where I am just "blah" and I have no original "thought" whatsoever. That "blogging" article tripped me off, and before you knew it, I had another oversized blog with (hopefully) a little quality thrown in.

However, my child, I'm afraid that if you read my blog, but not the paper, you're going to come away with an amazingly fractured view of the world. I mean, you'll fracture it in your own way after reading my fractured interpretation of it. And if you get too fractured, you'll be ripping the heads off every Raggedy Ann in sight. The "Raggedy Ann" voodoo-doll decapitation massacre! Ack!

2:38 AM  

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