Monday, December 19, 2005

GRINDING OUT ANOTHER ONE!!!
Time to post yet again. Will I choke? Or will I "git 'er done"?


In approaching this post, I couldn't think of anything to write about. I read the paper, but I just didn't have any desire to jot down stuff that I would later write about here. Some days are just like that. Of course, it could be that I post a heck of a lot, coming out with newspaper-column-volume posts just about every day, and I really take pleasure in posting stuff; I'm thankful when people stop by and comment.

I think, maybe, that a blog is a sort of microcosm for human existence in general. Because we're human, we're imperfect. A metronome can keep exact time with no variation in rhythm, but you put a guy behind a drum set, and he'll sometimes "lose" or "gain" a little bit of speed. And it has also long been a theory of mine that our "best" one day might not be as good as our "best" on another day. And, the winter season might be draining my brain, too. For whatever reason, I feel somewhat fatigued, and yes, I know that it's largely a mental thing. It's just that time of year when everything is a little more difficult...I explore that theme in more detail below...
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Old Man Winter's picking on me again dept.: I don't know if I've got the chronic winter blues, or what, but today, I actually "manifested" a bit...in prior posts, I have written that I generally view "all things winter" with disdain. I've seen people write that they LOVE winter. "Go out and frolic in the snow, and you, too, will love winter", they tell me. I know I covered this subject a bit in the previous posting, but I've had this on my mind for quite a while. For it seems that my views on winter seem to be changing, as I get slower and less able to fend for myself. I found myself walking down Sherman Avenue in downtown Coeur d'Alene this afternoon, and in the 2-block stretch I walked, I was trying my best not to slip on the ice; I don't wanna re-hurt my back. In spite of the fact that "I dressed in layers" in preparation for the cold, I was still shivering. And I actually verbalized (though not loudly), "Damn, I hate winter"!

It's not that I am some thin-blooded recent immigrant to these parts from elsewhere. I've lived a lot of winters up here, and in the past, there are times I actually have enjoyed winter. I've gone sledding, I even tried ice skating one winter. (It ain't as easy as them Ice Capades skaters make it look, I found out.) I've built snowmen; I've pushed my share of cars out of ditches, I've been in snowball fights; heck, I used to do 15-mile training runs in the snow. I think my view of winter has been altered over time, by the fact that I can't do a heck of a lot anymore. In the last few years, my back has worsened, my knees are in some kind of pain all of the time, and the arthritis is worse than it used to be. I'm not complaining; there are people who can't walk, and I am thankful for my (relative degree of) health. But...at the same time, I see why retired folks head south for the winter. They're more fragile, less flexible, and let's face it, it takes a certain amount of sheer physical energy to put up with the adverse conditions of the winter season.

I remember my tough old Dad looking out the living room window one cold winter afternoon, when the snow wouldn't stop falling. He was born in Michigan's upper peninsula, where they know a thing or two about winter. And there he was, saying, "these old, cold winters sure are tough", and that was one of the first times that I had actually heard Dad express something "mortal"; I thought he could do anything and put up with anything because he was so tough. And here he was, expressing fatigue, fragility and just overall weariness. And, as I age, and I continue to endure winters up here, I think I understand where he was 'coming from' at that time, for I feel the same way.

If I fall on the ice, I run the risk of extremely severe back pain, what with bone spurs on my lower back vertrebrae that cause piercing pain whenever I bend wrong. Arthritic wrists and knees make it extremely hard for me to get up off the ground. I feel fragile. Sometimes helpless. And that's scary, because I am used to doing things, physically, all year long. I guess that's why, when I hear from all the "newbie winter converts" around here who tell me to go frolic in the snow...it makes me want to tell THEM where to frolic...(someplace 'below' that's warmer, ha ha). So, please indulge me if I bitch about winter. If you can enjoy winters, more power to ya.
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Sometimes, "writing from within" is important, too. I'm frustrated about a lot of things. I believe that winter just accentuates those frustrations. I'm just trying to get thru this life the best I can. C'mon, Spring! I'm waitin' for ya!

2 Comments:

Blogger stebbijo said...

I hear you! Winter for some is dangerous! I, have already fallen on my as* in a parking lot. I am okay -- I bounce well!

Screw winter and all those blowhards with their snowmobiles and toys that cost an arm and a leg. Tell them to go make a snowman!

7:28 AM  
Blogger little ol' me said...

Hey, Stebbi...thank you, thank you, thank you. I'd stoop to kiss your feet, but my sore back and knees would prevent me from doing that, but I'm sure you'll understand. I don't bounce well. I'm 6'2", 250 lbs, and when I fall, new fault lines are created. Thanks for stopping by and chiming in. "Tell them to go make a snowman" indeed...with YELLOW snow!

7:58 PM  

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