Another Year is WINDING DOWN...
...a voyage down the raging river of consciousness!!!

This time every year, when we bid the old year adieu and welcome in the new year, it makes us wonder, "where has the time gone?" If you really think about it, though, it's not that the time has just disappeared all of a sudden; rather, a little slice of time goes by, day after day, minute after minute, and nothing can be done to stop it. (Other than Ted Williams' relatives, who put the late baseball player's remains into a cryogenic vat; if you shoot a deer, and then freeze it, well, when you thaw it, it's still dead!) I do NOT like growing older. Back a couple of years ago, I didn't want to be 50. But, considering the alternative, I didn't have much choice. Nothing I can do about it. I've heard all this stuff about growing "older and wiser". Well, I've accomplished "half" of that; I'm older, but I don't think I'm any wiser. It's still ME inside this ever-aging body, and at the very core, I am still who I was 30, 40, 50 years ago. I've been feeling a little more despair as time goes on; the people in the "obits" are closer to my age; I don't know what MP3 or Ipod players ARE, I don't know who any of today's music stars are, and I'm getting older and slower.

I take comfort in the fact that we're in all of this together. Life, being meant to be lived, until there is no more life. It comforts me to see old friends talking to each other, such as the elderly gentlemen that meet at the Java place, almost every day. I see young parents, 30 years younger than I am, with kids of their own, and those parents will probably end up being grandparents long after I am "history". I see young kids and college students, all immersed in their own little worlds, much as I was at their age. Maybe I am still in my own little world, I don't know. I enjoy being out there; being part of life, being part of what's going on, even if being an "active participant" is a little harder to do as I age. I watch life parade in front of me, and although I've missed out on a lot of things, being "not very good" at relationships, not being "family-inclined", I enjoy watching couples who are close, or families "in action"; it's nice to know that things work out for some of us, anyway. In some ways, I feel as if I'm standing still, like an old building, while society passes by in front of me...except, I, too, am mortal, so while society passes by in front of me, I, too, am slipping through "time".

Later on today, though, I went up to the record store, which a friend of mine owns. When I got there, another record collector I know was in there, and before long, we were all talking about music, sharing jokes and B.S.-ing, and we all must have talked for almost two hours. A simple excursion to a record store becomes a social event. And all of a sudden, I didn't feel so far removed from things. Maybe some of us are "universally accepted", and maybe others "of us" have our own "small niches" which we need to seek out. I am finding that when I go out in town, and people recognize me or stop and say hi, I am thankful that there are those who respect me enough to stop for a moment and ask how I'm doing. Little things like that become important. I get depressed really easily, and sometimes it's hell. But, it seems most every time I go somewhere, there's someone I know, and just those few little moments of conversation give me a better outlook; it's almost like "mental refueling"; my spirit becomes energized, and makes me think life isn't so bad after all. Many times I've had my mood elevated because of such brief encounters.

So what is the point of all of this? It would appear that the "stream of consciousness" is really overflowing, as I drift down the "river of thought". How about a bit of personal philosophy...not "deep thought", but here it is...there have been many times, for example, when a waitress at a restaurant will smile at me, maybe even chat a little bit, and that's "made" my whole day. Or someone has spoken to me for some reason, and as a result, I've been able to "get out of myself." So, here's something to think about, and something I've long thought...maybe the five minutes you spend with someone makes all the difference between them living a happy life, at least for that day, or jumping out a window and ending it all. The human being is a funny creature sometimes...we can all walk around with things churning and burning inside of us, but when we're out in the world, we've got to "mask" all of that. After all, when someone asks, "how are you", do they REALLY want to know how you are?; maybe as a courtesy, you just say "fine"; a general "mutual acknowledgment", and then you both go on your way.

I don't know what any of the answers are. All I can do in a post like this is just "put things out there". There isn't a lot, really, that any of us can do for each other, other than regarding each other for the 'humanity' we possess. Sometimes we all just get wrapped up in our own little worlds, though; I know I do! In times like that, perhaps we just don't really "see" the world around us, and those in it. I don't quite know how to "end" a posting like this; I've probably rambled on waaay too long, but these are some of the things I think about, as I sit in the corner with my nose buried in the newspaper; these are some of the things that cross my mind while listening to jazz, or driving along the streets of our fair city. What does it all mean? What is the purpose of it all? Why are we all here? What is the reason for all of this? What is the reason for "going on"? But when I wake up in the morning, and open my eyes, I think, "I've still got life", and then I go out and try to live it. That's all I know.

Here's something that signifies the passing of time. Amazing, how time passes, yet some things remain the same. (As you can tell, I'm no great philosopher.) Here is the FLAMINGO MOTEL in downtown Coeur d'Alene, as it appeared back in 1964. And it looks basically the same, 41 years later, as it looked back then. I'm still trying to figure where this photo was taken from, though. The roof of the gas station across the street on Sherman Avenue? The roof of the downtown Post Office building, which was erected in 1964? The only thing that's really changed about the Flamingo is, the SIGN...I always thought its older sign was better looking, but now, the motel has a smaller, and not as well-rendered, sign. Anyway, time does pass, doesn't it?

____________________

I didn't mean to be so blasted DEPRESSING today, but this has been a chance to clear my mind just a little bit. And, I am not as continually "morose" as this post might indicate. Still, I think about things, and I seem to be able to type coherently. If a blog can be a place to relate your thoughts, then for what it's worth, I've done that here. I probably went 'overboard' in the process...